There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business
trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to
get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he
didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else. (For joke purposes,
let's ignore what he might do while on his trip
) So he went to a store
that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-
sized sex doll but that was too close to another man for him. He was
browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his
wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained
his situation. The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything
that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and
so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks,
except -- " and he stopped.
"Except what?" the man asked.
"Nothing, nothing."
"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"
"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'o dick.'"
"So what's up with this o dick?" he asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box,
carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary-
looking dildo.The businessman laughed, and said "Big fucking deal. It looks
like every other dildo in this shop!" The old man replied, "But you haven't
seen what it'll do yet."
He pointed to a door and said "o dick, the door." The o dick rose out of
its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The
whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the
middle. Before the door could split, the old man said "o dick, get back
in your box!" The o dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there,
quiescent once more. "I'll take it!" said the businessman.
The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered
to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a
special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "o dick, my
pussy."
He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone.
After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought
of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered
the o dick. She got it out, and said "o dick, my pussy!"
The o dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like
nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided
she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still
thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her
husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off. So she decided to go to
the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the
car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of
the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road,
and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then
asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained
that she hadn't been drinking, but that a o dick was stuck in her pussy,
and wouldn't stop screwing. The officer looked at her for a second, and
then said "Yea, right. o dick, my ass!"
One day, a large group of people were waiting for the bus at a local
Greyhound station. At the front of the line was a very attractive
woman dressed in a black business vest, white blouse, leather
miniskirt, and high heels.
As the bus pulled up and opened the door, she went to board it, but
found that her skirt was too tight for her to raise her leg to the
required height. Looking around and thinking quickly, she reaches
behind her and unzips the zipper on the back of her skirt a little
and then tries again.
Again, she finds that she cannot maneuver the step, so once more
she reaches behind her and unzips her skirt a little more. With a
smile, she looks at the bus driver and tries to board again. With
disappointment, she finds that she still can't step that high and
so with exasperation and a sigh she unzips her skirt the rest of
the way down. To her amazement, her leg still will not reach the
bottom step.
Finally, a very large Texan behind her gently grabs her by the
waist, lifts her up, and places her on the bus.
The woman turns to the Texan furious and says, "Who do you think
you are to touch my body in that way? I don't even know you!"
Nonplused, the Texan looks at her and replies, "Well, ma'am, after
you unzipped my fly I thought we were pretty good friends."
A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course,
lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said,
"Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball-don't knock out any
windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix."
The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the
biggest house on the course. The husband cringed and said, "I told
you to watch out for the houses! All right, let's go up there,
apologize, and see how much this is going to cost."
They walked up, knocked on the door, and heard a voice say,
"Come on in."
They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken
bottle lying on its side in the foyer. A man on the couch said,
"Are you the people that broke my window?"
"Uh, yeah. Sorry about that." the husband replied.
"No, actually I want to thank you-I'm a genie that was trapped for
a thousand years in that bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed to
grant three wishes-I'll give you each one wish, and I'll keep the
last one for myself."
"OK, great!" the husband said. " I want a million dollars a year
for the rest of my life."
"No problem-it's the least I could do. And you, what do you want?"
the genie said, looking at the wife.
"I want a house in every country of the world," she said.
"Consider it done." the genie replied. "And what's your wish, genie?",
the husband said.
"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, I haven't had sex with
a woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife."
The husband looks at the wife and said, "Well, we did get a lot of
money and all those houses, honey. I guess it's OK with me"
The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours.
After it was over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife, and
said, "How old is your husband, anyway?"
"35." she replied.
"And he still believes in genies?"
My Posts
48yrs • F • 
