A man returned home from the night shift and went straight up to the
bedroom and found his wife with the sheet pulled over her head, fast
asleep. Not to be denied, the horny husband crawled under the sheet
and proceeded to make love to her.
Afterward, as he hurried downstairs for something to eat, he was
startled to find breakfast on the table and his wife pouring coffee.
"How'd you get down here so fast?" he asked. "We were just making love!"
"Oh my God," his wife gasped, "That's my mother up there! She came
over early and had complained of having a headache. I told her to
lie down for awhile."
Rushing upstairs, the wife ran to the bedroom. "Mother, I can't
believe this happened. Why didn't you say something?"
The mother-in-law huffed, "I haven't spoken to that jerk for
fifteen years and I wasn't about to start now!"
A guy comes home from work feeling bad about the day's activities.
He lays down on the couch and ponders his actions. Like most of us,
his conscience has two voices; that of his good moral side and that
of his mischievous side.
While staring at the ceiling, a voice in his head says "don't worry
about it, a lot of doctors have sex with their patients."
The man tosses and turns in reflection of his actions. Again the
voice says "don't worry about it, a lot of doctors have sex with
their patients."
Feeling somewhat relieved, the man begins to relax and feel better
about himself at which time another voice in head says,
"but you're a veterinarian."
A businessman meets a beautiful girl and agrees to spend the afternoon
with her for $500. So they do. Before he leaves, he tells her that he
does not have any cash with him, but that he will have his secretary write
a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."
On the way to the office he regrets what he has done, realizing that the
whole event was not worth the price. So he has his secretary send a check
for $250 and enclosed the following typed note:
Dear Madam,
Enclosed find check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am
not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the apartment, I
was under the impression that:
1) it had never been occupied;
2) that there was plenty of heat;
3) that is was small enough to make me cozy and at home.
However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there
wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large.
Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250
with the following note:
Dear Sir:
First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to
remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if
you know how to turn it on. Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed
of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please
do not blame the landlady.
My Posts
38yrs • M • 
Now officially laughing my ass off at 
