Echoes - Page 17

there is a creature in this room
a "thing"
its not ticking
its not poking
its just fucking sitting there
what is it even doing?.....

i know what its doing.
its always doing the same thing.
sitting
starring
waiting

i get the feeling it doesnt like me
it wants to hurt me in some way

but every time i try to turn around and look at it
it changes shape
and I have to find out what it is again.

its gotten to the point
where i can catch it most of the time.
but it always comes back.

so i started setting up traps
traps to catch it before it gets in my room.

it feels like every time it gets caught in my trap
i have to reset the trap
put more bait in it...

its gone now
but i still have this feeling...


i guess i was wrong.
so
what is this?

some sort of dull...
im gonna use pain, but thats only because i dont have a better word for it
some sort of dull pain.

now, i know i invoke a lot of my own pain
for the fun of it...
why do i do that again? lol

anyway

anyway.

So many things could be different. Would honestly be better, if they were different. But they aren't.

And I'm done deluding myself.

12:48 Demon Days rant friday april 23 2010

Socializing

There seem to be
No things to see
In these people
In this room with me.

And though my mind
Will pry and plead
I will not speak
Or move
Or make known
These indications
Of possible anomaly.

No, I say, I do, nothing.
I sit, as usual
Pondering the Safe lock
Combination
Of catchy punch lines
Designer deodorant
Foreign fabrics
And a hair cut I simply was not born with.

Not to confuse
I but observe a ruse
And can not find its reason.
For if all people would be
Then all people would see
And there'd be no reason to be
What ever it is they want of me.

What ever it is
They take from me
What ever it is
This face I feel
Given with out asking
Reminds me too much of high school.
Then again
I am in a coffee shop.

that felt good lol haven't written in a few months

Abuse

Sickness
Causes silence
Causes violence
Causes
"Its not, its not true."

I've come to
See
That I can feel it
In my blood
And in my youth

Prick, ow
My life.
Don't stick, don't fight
Don't cry, don't hide
And don't you lose

Your self
Your Self
your self
Your self.

Stay true

Your self
Your self
Your self
...

Sickness
Breaks through time
It breaks through mind
It breaks through
"Its not, Its not true."

It shapes this heart
It shapes this mind
I clench this fist
And I induce

So red
So red
So red
So...

So strong
So strong
So strong
To defend, as I prove

I lose my "sane"
I take their pain
I feel I feel I feel
I choose

Cause
If I swallow
I turn hollow
I turn Dead
And I turn blue

I take
This anger
Take this fire
Take their lies
And let them ooze

So red
So red
So red
So..

Not them
Not them
Not them
Not them

No I'm not them
No I'm not them
No I have something true

Sickness
Never leaves
I don't believe
I am a slave
To circle proofs

I've come to
See
That I can feel it
In my blood
And in my youth

My youth
My youth
My youth
My...

I lose
I lose
I lose
(I lose)
I lose my youth.

efgfed efgfe efgfe efgfedd

so far untitled (cant find a god damn pen anywhere)

gotta behave myself cause i hate what ive done and i hate what ive come to expect
you could detain yourself but you hate that you love and you take everything that you give
and i cant attain this hope, or have faith in my soul or feel safe in my own damn head.
at least i can face who we are. fuck the Bills, fuck your lies. im in debt. im in love. i respect.

Walking

One foot
In front
Of my
Home
One foot
In front
Of my
Soul

Dead Men Days

Many men have searched
Many men have shared
Many men have learned
Many men have cared

I too look for skies of blue
Hoping to find truth
A beauty I once knew
A mana that once grew
Into..... me

But along the way
I saw the skies turn gray
I saw the dead men cave
With their lies
Embrace
Their dead men ways
Turned blind and afraid
Now violent and betrayed
Now quitely dismay
Oh... I see them suffer
As I have suffered

What will change these dead men days?
What will change her dead men ways?
Skies of blue? Beauty and truth?
I will end your dead men days.
I will show you loving ways.

Over 20,000 views. I am proud.

Suppressed Memories, Suppressed... Many Things

Lost in someone else's pain
Not hiding
Not running
Not fighting
Lost in someone else's pain
I step into their grave

A tolling acceptance

I support
I open
I cry
And then
To my surprise
I dive.

So comes the soothe
The warm
Let loose
I'll not hold on to what I was given
I'll not hate it either
I love it
its real
Its proof
Proof of something evil

An inspiration

A tolling acceptance
I gladly accept

My Mother's Screams

I saw my shame inside
My father's eyes
But didn't know it

Maybe the thing
That we're afraid of
Is we're in control

I've broken many thing
Inside myself
Inside of my home

This shame has
Been here for so long
And I can barely take it

I was conflicted
Between honesty
And turning cold

My heart was broken
Very young
With very serious flaws

I get up early
Just to we can spend
A couple minutes

I have no words
But I can tell you
This is very strong

I keep on crying
Keep on fighting
I keep letting it go

I keep on loving
And I'm sad to say
That's never happened

Not only have you
Made me safe
You've made me very happy

This is who I am
Is who I am
Is who I am

Yes I remember
Very strongly
Like it just happened

And yes, I've harbored this
For many years
Because they asked

I'm very sorry..
Very sorry....
Very sorry, I know.....

And when you called me
You were hurting
So I came to help you

Then you were screaming
I don't know
It was just automatic

You seemed to have
A problem trusting
I was full of regret

Yes, I am sorry
Its just there
And I just kind of panicked

So you can't trust
Well, lets face it
I've been very scary

But thanks to you
Whats been inside of me
Is starting to show

Yes this is who I am
Is who I am
Is who I am


Yes this is who I am
Is who I am
Is who I am


Yes this is who I am
Is who I am
Is who I am

Cautious I woke
Careful to keep the balance
To keep the dream
With out dreaming

Needless I spoke
To myself and to the ceiling
In my mind and
With out feeling

Just do the right thing.
Do what works.
Be honest be happy
And live like you should.

Live free.
Live proud.
Grab someone you love
And don't let them go
Until they're laughing
And crying.
In love
And their most beautiful.

Keep your time well spent
And your love well kept.

We stand in the ether.
The mirror into the bright. The old sun rises.
Under the spangled sky we light our eyes to the breaking clouds.
All is ending. Tied by our cords.
The glass breaks as you fall.
You fall into my arms. We die together.
We stand in the ether.

I journey.
In my home.
I roam the endless space
I find alone.

I find tunes
And groves.
I find moods
And all my special... little...

Unspeakable it seems.
For I go to a place
Where not even words know.

Where only the unreals of the mind can show
The realness of a man's soul.

This social desent and loneliness.
This tired eye and open head.
Unwilling to fall asleep.
Unable to look forward to dreams.
Like a child. Hoping the fun's not over.
To say good bye to the day
And feel that I have yet to sedate
This desire.

Time to rebandage.
Time to expire.