Echoes - Page 16

Old Friends

It seems I cannot care
I cannot love
I linger.

I toss around my mind
An old familiar
Anger

I sit and wait for things
To come and pass
As they have done before.

I try to spread my hope
And love you like
A stranger.

And so you cut my throat
And tell me
I'm in danger

Too close and still too far
We can not run
I squint and I endure.

So pain has come again
Oh scar me
Yes my lover.

You die and so will I
I weep and then
I wonder

What gifts then can I bring
I'm still too poor
Now soft and much less dry!

I smile cause I know I'm gonna cry,
I laugh cause I can't tell another lie,
I curl up in a ball cause I can't take the pain,
I wonder why the girl in the mirror has gone insane,
I'm loud to drown the thoughts in my mind,
I'm scared because I'll be left behind,
I reminisce cause the future looks too bleak,
I try not to stand out but I feel like a freak.
I sleep cause I'm scared to be awake,
I give in cause another fight I just can't take,
I dream cause it's easier than whats real,
I hide away as the layers begin to peel,
I stay cause I'm scared of what leaving will do,
I stay cause I'm scared of hurting you,
I die because I am hurting me,
I cry because no one else can see.

I am not my answers, I am my questions.

Working Out

Yaknow, I could be a substantially different person.
In 6 months I could be better person,
But in 12 months
I could be a different person.
And I'm only 21
I mean
lol
God damn

The Influence

Fall back.
Retreat
Let go
And Dive in.

Say good bye to the fear.
Say good bye to the tears.
Say good by to the years
You have spent misused.

Fall back,
And be Reborn.
With a new
Perspective
Comes a new Being.

Fall back
And
Under no fucking circumstances
Forget.
Forgive
And Live!

look not to others for salvation
for freedom lies within
look not to others for pain
for all things are relative
look not to others for strength
for we are all alone

look not to comfort for joy
for in breath itself is magic
look not to colors for creation
for vision is a luxury
look not to time for acceptance
for truth is ever present

look not my friend
close your eyes
free your mind
and become

1:45 monday april 13th mirror

ill be using this place to post my art in, to back it up, incase my computer fries

im sure that wont be a problem

I'm not fully high.

I am, I'm very high now

I'm just not totally zoned in.

I am. I'm super high.

Ok.... Naked. Maybe I'm just not fully me?.....


2:27 pm Friday April 16th 2010 Peer Pressure

Anger flutters from my heart,
in the form of contentment.
Contentment the wish,
Contentment the li.

Apathy the blanket,
Tucking in the upraor.
Supressing the spirit,
And the need for more.

Passion must rise,
Dripping from my eyes,
Touching the skies,
Killing the guise.

Focus.
Frame.
Flight.

March 10, 2010

i was laying down and think not feeling anything
not angry not joyous
no pain or anxiety
and i asked myself
why do i have to keep trying to be me?
at first i told myself all that social programming shit
the true shit
but then a darker truth came to me
i answered myself
with
you have to try
because when you don't try
and when you are just you
you are
nothing

6:33 sunday april 18 2010 boredom

I'm telling you to do this.

...okay

I love forcing you to be happy, rather than asking. Its much easier.

9:39 Sunday April 18 2010 A Gift

I
Am not my fucking wallet.
I am not my fucking job.

I am the most beautiful
Most loving
Most caring
Most in touch
Most genuinley phycotic
Eagerly angry
Open honest
Killing machine.

Killing the guise
Ripping the skies
And entering
Entering
And.....

Leaving........

The drop
Is long
But I am strong
God damn it.
I AM STRONG!

And like a ten second rush
Of togetherness
In the
"after"
Is only....
Me.

Everything.

Anything.

But the chemicals in my head
Mix,
Mesh
Concuct.

And a sense of helplessness
Nakedness
And You
Come to mind.

Oh lover
Oh fraud
Oh ocean
Oh god......


Let me be.
Let me be.

The Island And The Closet 11:39 Monday april 19 2010

the word virgin has new meaning
when have we been fucked?
made love to?

when have we expressed?
when is it ok to express?
who really wants to be a virgin?
who really is?

no.

no more.
you will not hurt me
nor my children.
i will not fear my self
and you will fuck off.

notes on sexual oppression 1:24 pm monday april 19th 2010

child steps go no where
yet seem to have purpose
they are
getting things done

my steps
take me many places
and the sad inside of me
wants to say
that they take me no where

is this true?

well then
am i happy? yes
am i depressed? maybe a little
but its a confusion with my environment
not me
so
no

do i grow? yes
too slow? who the hell knows...

yaknow, all these mother fuckers talk about happiness
they talk about love
they talk about their jobs
occasionally
depending on the day
they talk about the pain their soul feels
but they aren't connected
they aren't "looking"

am i looking?
what for?
purpose?

i have all these switches in my head
people
ideas
that i understand
that i can replicate
that i can use.
like..... weapons.
but weapons are meant for fighting
these things, i want them to bring me joy.

i am now five

I understand.
Its the magic.
The fact that,
There's actually a fire
And actually marshmallows.

I'm twelve now btw, sorry.

Thirteen.
Fourteen.

Twenty one, in my room.



Twenty one, at the beach.
Free. Finally free.
I am no child, I am no adult.
I'm no fucking man.
Because,
I just am.

This has helped.

pool side meditation 1:15 tuesday april twentieth

4/19/10 4:00 pm
edge computer lab


sinking in and shuting up.
zoning in on coward's cries.

"to each his own"
i'd like to say,

"that's not my way"
a few more lies

next time
next time...

sinking even further in
feeling all the reasons why







this small house i've built
on shifting sand

with raging storms outside my door

it creaks
it squeals
it wales

clinging to a pathetic sense of safety

the ghosts in its floors and walls
are vengful
whipering lies
their familiar voices
releasing the fear

the tool of destruction
simple and powerful
rests gently and soberly in my hand

why hate to say goodbye?
tears for what?
the pain?
the fear?
the lies lies LIES

a sigh for my fate
a twinge of hate
a cool smile
a new beginning



distraction

what did i say?
what did i feel?
decisions
refinement
opportunity
application
must maintain
must remain
must feel






i think i may have stumbled upon an addiction
i think i enjoy my own company
i think i like what i have to say
i think i have found a way
to prevent decay