Her...

Why must I love her
Queen in the court of my thoughts
My heart plays the fool

Though I am the one
Who drew closed the red curtain
I miss her always

She will never know
Just how deeply I love her
Lest I wish her pain

Bittersweet sorrow
Knowing this is for the best
At least she's happy

My sorrow the price
I willingly pay for her

Pain pain pain, man. Sorry for your woe.

Finding your soulmate
is difficult. Harder still,
Leaving your soulmate

Your words are thoughtful
Apology accepted
Not so much pain though

More like soft numbness
Or a bright void, kind of nice.
I'll always love her...

'Tis a fate most cruel
Much like jumping from one fire
And into another.

Maintain the charade
For as long as I can or

Still she torments me
Mentally, emotionally
There is no escape

Temptation is hard
I don't think that I'll make it...

My heart feels like it's being torn apart. My heart wants (desperately) to go one way and my brain another. I think my heart is winning but I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

I just love this person so much. I thought I could escape and it would just pass but it hasn't. Isolation from her has only made it worse. My love brings with it despair. Despair that this person is probably better off without me. Yet, it doesn't seem like she is and she reaches out to me but I remain steadfast in my silence.

When is enough, enough. When do I throw away rational thought and lead with my heart. For better or worse. When do I tell this person that my heart skips a beat when I think about her. That I would do anything, give anything, to be with her and make her happy.

Perhaps never? That feels like the right answer. Alas, it also feels wrong. How do I separate my brain's desires from that of my heart. The two play tricks on one another so elegantly, some times it's hard to know what's genuine.

I feel so utterly broken...

[sorry for venting here. Just kind of nice to have somewhere to expel my thoughts and get a clear head]