Another heartbreak post

I read some heartbreak topics here so I figured I could write away my story here.

I always thought "heartbreak" was just an expression 'till I experienced the feeling and it's just... physical pain in my chest. It hurts everytime I breathe.

I met her 3 and a half years ago while sleeping over at a friends house. I NEED to find myself in these situations because I hardly find girls who're interested in me because of my looks. I'm an unnatractive guy but that's another story. That night we slept over, there was this spark. She took my virginity and I felt in love with her. I searched out where she lived and I asked her mom if I could speak to her since I really liked her daughter. I asked her to go out with me and she said yes. I still don't know how I got myself so far since I've always been insecure about myself.

After a week I asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes. I couldn't believe it. I found someone who wanted to actually be my girl! Her parents didn't like me and her friends told her she can do better but she stayed with me. In return I was there for her whenever I could. The relationship was beautiful and really... perfect!

Past februari her grandpa died which was a very hard hit for her. It almost dragged her in a depression so I took her on a vacation since we could use it both. When we got back things were going better.

One night she told me that she could never fall in love with someone else now that she had me. I told her I could never love somebody else as much as I loved her. The very next morning I woke up next to her and she was already awake... with a serious face she told me we weren't going to work. I thought she made a joke but she was very serious. I couldn't believe it. It was so out of the blue. She wanted me to pick my stuff and leave the house which I did.

Since I needed a place to stay, I was very busy grabbing my life together and in the meantime I spent my whole summer trying to get her back with everything I can. After a while... I found out the truth. I knew her brother always used to tell her to ditch me. I'm an actor as a profession and he told her she didn't have a future with me. He introduced her to another boy and she fell in love with him. Omg... while writing this I am crying again. After two days she broke up with me, she had a relationship with him.

I was being traded for someone better since that guy was better looking. I love her so much. I will never find anybody anymore who will be so pretty, cute, sweet and caring as she is. After two months and the acceptation that she will never take me back, I decided to commit suicide. The hard truth is that I survived. Why is life so unfair? As if I NEED to suffer and there is no escape.

I hate my life. I want her back. 8 months has been passed and I didn't move a single step forward. Every night I cry myself to sleep. I feel alone and not wanted. Some friends told me I changed. I'm really depressed and can only talk about her. I NEED her back. She is my perfect one.

What is the meaning of life if you know 100% sure that your perfect soul mate will never go back to you? That some other guy (who has no work, only loves his car and is a complete loser) is going out with your perfect lady? As I said before... I will never find anybody like her. I may consider myself lucky if I find someone who will at least be my girlfriend.

What can I do? I'm desperate... suicide is not an option since I will survive that. I don't want to suffer anymore. I want to be happy. But I can only be truly happy with her... I will never accomplish what we've made with someone else so why should I go on living? I cherish love but she broke my perfect vision of what love is...

That's horrible that she said she loved you and couldn't love someone else but yet dumped you and chose someone else....I'm sorry.....I think you could find someone else but you didn't have much experience so you think you can't, but you can....

I don't know how old you are but you sound pretty young. You need to know it will get better. You can't make her change her mind, you need to move on, it's a grieving process.
Meet new people, deal with your depression and start lving your life. There is someone out there who is perfect for you, who wont treat you like this.

A reasonable amount of time has gone past since the initial post. I would really like to here how OP is getting on.

I actually started writing a massive (1600 words at one point) reply to OP that I think would help him a lot, only I managed to lose it because I stupidly saved it in /tmp on my Mac which, it turns out, is automatically wiped every 3 days.

Anyway, if you are still struggling I would like to help if I can so please let me know if you are around.