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35yrs • M •
nonames is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
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I feel emotionless after crying |
I suppose I should mention that I'm a 23 year old guy, since it might be relevant. I would imagine that I cry about as much as the next guy; not often enough. For our purposes here I will define crying as not simply shedding a few tears (like while watching a sad movie) but SOBBING in a way that "releases your sadness", so to speak. Two nights ago, for reasons I won't go into, I began to cry a lot laying in my bed by myself. I felt really sad (obviously) and just in general felt like shit. I really let it all out. After that I was able to sleep pretty well. The next night (last night), I essentially did the same thing and the same thing triggered the crying but after a short while I KEPT crying because of, well, pretty much every sad thing I could think of from my entire life. I literally thought about all the negative things in my life, both in the past and present. It honestly felt good to cry because I felt like I was finally releasing all the built up feelings of regret, betrayal, rejection, self-hate, and just sadness in general that I had unknowingly kept inside for years. It's not that I hadn't cried for many years, it's that, for one reason or another, I hadn't really FELT these emotions that I released last night. So, after all that, I slept even better with a slight feeling of peace. In the morning I felt really at peace, to the point where it felt kind of weird. Now, I'm trying to sleep again, but can't. I still feel kind of sad about the thing that triggered the crying the last two times, but now it's like it doesn't get to me like before. I feel more distant from my emotions than before. I feel like before my emotions could reach up and grab me and do what they wanted with me. Now it feels like they can barely reach me and I can brush them off the way I might brush off a feather floating in the air. Tonight I actually wanted to cry again because I felt like it helped me a lot the last two nights, but I can't. I feel like I drained all the emotions out of me. I even went to youtube and watched the last scene from A.I. Artificial Intelligence, which always gets to me. Nothing. Has anyone ever experienced this before? By the way the only reason why I didn't mention what triggered the crying is because it would take too long to explain and I think you guys can give me some helpful advice without knowing the whole back story anyway.
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38yrs • F •
A CTL of 1 means that SomeKindaCyan is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
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I actually get the same sensation. If I'm able to cry (Which is not often anymore) I feel really tired/drained/out of it for a good couple hours. If I start crying, I'm also going to fall asleep crying because once it's started it doesn't stop. Now I have Borderline Personality Disorder, so my emotions run a bit irregular. Like anything though, it will wear off if you go to it every night. Honestly it sounds like you are accepting whatever upset you- which you should be proud of.
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""Dying's easy; living's hard." -Wilson"
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