What's so Great about Shakespeare!

I've written a series of cantos based on William Shakespeare's sonnets.
I believe my cantos are better.
Many of the people I've read here on Captain Cynic today are better than Shakespeare.

Canto 1
by Wolf Larsen
From testicles & beautiful creatures we desire a big anus!
That torpedoes beauty into a mighty strawberry!
But the Grand Ripper rips time in half,
And he shall tender space-age testicles to the memory of the holy phalluses of hallelujah!
But blueberry! Constipated tornado hyenas floating on endless eyes,
Screaming flames & happy fools!
Making famines where the abundance of a few is enriched by the poverty of many,
So tie up & sex your foe! Penis delivery systems flying all over the planet!
Art so fresh it's a civil war!
And now hurry up to the telEphOne-spRing-WeStern-HemisPhere-gOng!
Within zipeeeees own bud-smoking-miracles!
And – tender whip-lashes – make loving poetry all over my skin!
Pity adjectives so delirious they can't find a noun to play with! So let this insane-sanity be!
Now eat all the world's doo-doo, by the grave of Superman.
Copyright 2012 by Wolf Larsen

Sonnet I
by William Shakespeare
From fairest creatures we desire increase,
That thereby beauty's rose might never die,
But as the riper should by time decease,
His tender heir might bear his memory:
But thou, contracted to thine own bright eyes, 5
Feed'st thy light'st flame with self-substantial fuel,
Making a famine where abundance lies,
Thyself thy foe, to thy sweet self too cruel.
Thou that art now the world's fresh ornament
And only herald to the gaudy spring, 10
Within thine own bud buriest thy content
And, tender churl, makest waste in niggarding.
Pity the world, or else this glutton be,
To eat the world's due, by the grave and thee. 14

Actually your writing is the modern equivalent of Shakespeare. If you "translate" Shakespearean english to modern english, you discover that his comedies are like TV comedies and his tragedies are like TV dramas.

Although yours is a little more obviously stated and graphic and filled with random stuff - blueberries? torpedo? Superman? what??