Closed off

I am a closed off woman. I have had relationships with good men, but they all ended and I now no longer choose to try to get into any serious, committed or loving relationship. The reason being that I know I don't get it. I don't receive whatever affection, warmth or loving thoughts are thrown my way from these men who fall in love with me.

I think many things have happened in my life that I have not come to terms with. It's not that I don't want to engage in a wholesome, healthy relationship. It's more like I just don't know how to. When someone says the words 'I love you' to me, it's like my mind doesn't know what that means. I react to it with nothing. I sometimes wonder if it was my first boyfriend who ruined me when I was a teenager. I don't remember how it felt anymore, but I would say he was the one bad apple on my list of relationships. But then again, what if I was like this before him too? I don't know what it is that I am lacking that makes me this way. I feel like the ice queen doomed to a life by myself.

Perhaps you experienced some trauma as a child? Do you feel appreciated by your parents?