Life and Decisions

Someone once said that Life is the sum of all our choices, which i agree. For we are the product of the choices we made, right?

But what can you say about the people around us... the significant people around us, our mentors, the people we idolize...? Are they just simply the people who influenced us in our decision making or we just let them run our lives for us?

I ask you this because I've been with people and I heard some people complain or should i say blame other people for the decisions they made. (i am not talking about being hostage or something like that ).

Well, as I was saying, since the ultimate say is with the person who is making the decision, how come they still have the guts to blame other people for the wrong decisions they made?

Am I not seeing something here? Coz for me if you made bad decisions all you have to do is accept it... then reconsider... right?

If the story that Decius happened, then no it would not be your fault. It would be the George's fault for telling a lie.

However, if you decide not to study for a test, finish work on time, or fall into peer pressure it's your fault. The first two points are basically you fault for procrastinating. The second point is giving in to outsiders. It's not like Decius' story where it was the other guys fault. If you are peer pressured into something, it means that you gave up and took the easy way out by doing something that you know the consequences of. It's your own fault for making that mistake.

Gary can't blame George for his shitty walking. Is George supposed to read off a list of all the potential things Gary could trip over? New trees are falling over on the path every day... new rocks are getting chiseled out from the periodic rainstorms... George would have to walk the path daily to be even remotely accurate. He's working 2 jobs to pay for the roof over his head, some chicken nuggets and child support. He doesn't have the time to strap himself to a harness and pull Gary on a dog-sled. (and Gary would probably let him too... lazy sonofabitch.)

Yah, he wanted to be a park ranger, he had a real passion for it, but he never got the support he needed from his parents (which he still holds some resentment over.) More than likely he overestimated his little brothers ability, as he had done over the years when it came to anything outdoors, because the path was easy for him (it was probably a blue square but definitely NOT a black diamond.)

I suppose George should have advised Gary instead to just stay in his padded, disinfected bubble where nothing can harm him, wasting more of his life on internet forums and browser games.

The only crime George committed was thinking too much of his brother.

How old is George and how old is Gary?
You all have your point thou not all of you are totally correct... i guess.

One should always look at ones capacity and character in doing a task or job. As for George he should have advice Gary that FOR HIM and also during the time he went to the path, it was safe. George has no control over the external issues like what ChrisD mentioned.

As for Gary (I hope he is not as we call it a "child" ), he should have sized up his abilities, capacity, and character in handling situations. He should have anticipated situations that will come his way especially a new endeavor or should we say path... Don't you think that one should take up ones responsibility over things?
or
he should inform George that if the going gets tough, he will help him or bail him out...

We all have a choice right? So when one makes a choice, it will be his own. And him alone...

There are lots of things that hinders or pushed us to decide on things -- but i guess it all boils down to flight (fear) or longing. But whether it is fear that hinders us or longing that pushed us... the end point is still that... we are the one making the decisions and no one else.

You may have been right in some aspect of what you said, though as far as i remember we are talking about DECISIONS here. The subtopic about a family of George only came as an example.

I think you should answer there in another thread about killing ones mom... I think your answer is more appropriate there coz it talks about mom ... family.

We must not stray away from the main topic about taking responsibilities of ones decision. So that this thread will be concluded soon. That's why I ask how old is this Gary... coz if he is still 7 years old of course every bit of advice and guidance and protection should be given to him.

If Gary is already in his 20s or 30s or 40s... he should learn to take up responsibilities of the things he does... He should NOT FOREVER blame other people for the things he did. HE HAS CHOICES... whether it will lead it to his doom or to his bliss... it is still his choice and no one else. Don't teach a person to have someone to blame for his every action. Be responsible.

And i am not saying also that the people around Gary should be neglectful... If Gary, for example, has plans and wants to pursue it and George or any family member thinks that it's not good... then it is the moral obligation of the family to warn or advice Gary. BUT if Gary still goes with his plan then i guess the family members all have to do is tell him good luck. And every now and then inquire about his condition... and if any goes wrong... be there for him -- physical or emotional.

But if you want to talk about family, Decius, then tell me so that i will focus on it when answering... it will be my pleasure to talk it with you and exchange ideas with you.

Aah... Decius.. Decius.. Decius....

You think I am not making sense... yes I do coz the people before you understand what i was talking about... ChrisD got what I mean.

It was you who is making the situation complicated. Though in part your answer to me was correct coz all situations branches out.

But what I'm stating here is taking up responsibility for the decisions someone made. Man enough to say that this is my decision.

Though I really get what you mean coz you are explaining other branches. But that is not what my topic is all about. Taking responsibility for the decisions we made... period.

As you can see Decius... If a grandfather tells his grandson to pull a trigger to someone... and the grandson killed this person, of course he will be put to jail. It was his decision to kill that person.. HOWEVER, the grandfather will put to jail coz he was the brain to this crime. Now, if you look back, ask yourself who pulled the trigger? -- the grandson! It was his decision to pull the trigger right??? IT WAS HIS DECISION TO FOLLOW WHAT HE WAS TOLD. Though I'm NOT saying that the grandfather is not accountable too. That's why he will be put to jail too. Are you getting what i mean here? Don't look at the grandfather... Focus on what the grandson did... That's what I'm talking about.

If you will focus too much on the grandfather ... then i would say that you are letting this man run the grandson's life.

It is a delusion to blame others for our own situation. We are dependent on caregivers to a certain point... some longer or shorter than others. But there almost always comes a point (certainly for everyone who actively posts on this forum) where that dependency is no longer essential. At that point it is our own fault if we choose to continue in a lifestyle we don't like.

To blame others is to relinquish the freedom we have to carve our own fate. Because when you blame others you're basically saying "I had no other choice, my fate was determined." That would suck if that were true!!!

If someone wrongs you should you seek retribution? Of course!!! But should you ever blame them for a choice you made? Never.

I mean... if they are an extremely cunning and manipulative person... which of course can happen... well you trusted someone whom you shouldn't have... but this is a more exceptional case. What we are talking about with George and Gary doesn't seem to be this at all... or even most people's relationship with their parents.

And it's not necessarily a negative experience from a long-term point of view. Getting betrayed is a lesson in trust building and way of showing you who your true friends are.

Hey we are not condemning anyone Decius, for making mistakes... coz we all make mistakes.

When you mentioned again about "unbelievably painful and scary facing those truths" -- this is what i meant when i said about our decisions boils down to 2 things either flight or longing... As for this pain and scare it talks about the flight. And it still means the person's decision.

See... ChrisD again get what i mean. It's really not that hard. Just focus on taking up responsibility of ones decision. If one wants to avenge then go on, then if it boomerangs... again, no one else is to blame but the person himself coz his decision in avenging ONLY boomerangs to him... For every action there is a counter reaction. Again, the point is... be man enough to take responsibility for ones action. Am i right or am i right?

And as for ChrisD, you are right man, about the "trust" thing. Getting betrayed is a lesson... though painful as it is... there is still a nice lesson to it and one is able to know who his/her real friends are. I guess we all have a tale about being betrayed by a friend/s. Life sucks sometimes...