Family

My family is a fucked up shattered mess. The "split" was and is as big a chasm as the Grand Canyon - and we're neighbors. It seems like I'm the only one who cares at all and is taking steps to help things. It makes me hate them for it - their apathy towards me and us as a whole.

I don't think they love me as I don't think I love them anymore. We're all just lying to each other - performing the expected appearances when a social context calls for it. It's fucking unreal.

I tried to express this feeling to my father and step mom once and it led to my exile from their circle. I hate them and my younger sister most of all. Was it wrong of me to express the feelings that I have that are devoid of any kind of love - that are full of anger and resentment? I don't feel any love towards them. It's a fucking desert of feeling over there. They demonized me and compared me to Charles Manson. Fucking Charles Manson - someone who brainwashed people to perform some of the most gruesome murders in history. That's what I get for being vulnerable and trying to open myself up to them - the anxiety that I'm becoming an anti-Christ.

My family is a bunch of phonies. That's the legacy I'm supposed to uphold. It's so hard to love your enemies. I try to, I really do. I try to find the good in these relationships. I ask myself if I created this. It can't all be my fault. There's no way.

Just make myself more real and authentic.. just keep moving forward...

If you don't mind could you tell us what went wrong with your family? Or if your just venting i can respect that. Family is always hard.

This was just a rant from an emotional surge I had this morning. I just needed to vent. I feel a lot better now and I'm more at peace with things. It was mean spirited what I wrote and I realize that some people in my family act the way they do because of some pain or suffering in their lives and they don't know any better.

I'm thankful that I have a place where I can vent like this! God bless Captain Cynic!