Guilt and Competition

What spurred this thread was that I was playing a game I like very much, it's called Star Wars Galactic Battlegrounds. I play on a server where everybody pretty much knows everybody (it's a small community.)

There's people on there that I know I can beat and there's people on there that are the established pros and everyone's generally nice to each other with good-natured ribbing here and there.

Well today I beat one of the established pros 1v1 and I like the guy, he's a cool guy, but I can't help but feel guilty about it. It wasn't a fluke either. I could beat him again I'm sure. For some reason I wish I couldn't beat him.

I had a similar experience playing scrabble with my mom. She's pretty cocky about her scrabble playing abilities. I'd never had a win against her in the years I've played her and then one night I won. I felt guilty that night too. It felt like my heart was choking.

I get into these things never thinking I'll ever reach certain stages (but wanting to) and then when I do it just doesn't feel good. It takes the fun out of it.

What's the cause of this? All thoughts are appreciated.

It's a feeling of safety being expelled. When you reach a point in anything in life where you become equal to or greater than what you previously thought was unattainable, you feel as though your safety net has become smaller.

You come to a point where those who you once thought were so much more advanced than you, are now at your level and may possibly need to learn from you now. The role reversal is daunting initially, but when you come back to your senses and realize there is always something to be learned and always something for you to teach, you go back on your merry way.

Also, your resources for learning diminish slightly, and suddenly you must become much more dependent and on your own in furthering knowledge.

Indeed, it is lonely at the top.

Thanks, that makes sense.

"Indeed, it is lonely at the top."

^^ I like this quote. I wonder if the first person to reach enlightenment had this feeling (but times a trillion) and that's why they came back to help others to enlightenment.

We are all enlightened and the more aware of it we all become, the less lonely we will all be