Negative...

How\'s this for a how-do-you-do? I signed up on Captain Cynic because I read something in the theories/philosophy forum that burrowed into my thoughts.

I signed up just now.

So .... *deep breath* I hope this falls into the right hands.

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I\'m realizing how much negativity exists in every day of our lives. We\'re busy fighting our way through traffic, feeling unfulfilled at our jobs, dealing with traumatic and stressful situations.

We go from learning and loving and embracing to scowling and obsessing and drinking ourselves to sleep. You don\'t eat the bear; the bear eats you.

Inevitably we\'re dragged into this mindset that holds us in... no matter how hard we try to claw our way out of it.

In order to combat this mindset, would it be better to say nothing unless it\'s positive or thoughtful? That way, those around you would have no cause to ruminate on your complaints. Is that being true to yourself?

Well... I think that some are trapped into cycles of negative thinking. They see one bad thing, and expect the worst - therein you are correct that its reactionary, esp. to fears.

It is not necessarily preemptive. True, one might obsess over what is bad and COULD happen. There are also the instances where one might only discuss negative points of a situation or situations... and the brain is trapped into only seeing the negative side. If you're having a bad day, everything will go wrong.

In dealing with that, many bloggers (like Steve Pavlina on the Positivity Blog, or whatever his li'l site is...) tell you to change your way of thinking - when you experience a negative thought, turn it into a positive one. You only allow yourself those positive thoughts.

And since nobody likes a whiner, you only let yourself say positive things. Is this at all constructive? It seems healthier to be able to repress some negativity, but also to experience and even vent that.

How does one pull themselves from such cycles, without repressing natural feelings? (Methinks this is treading into the emotions territory) Is it fair to your true self to only say positive things or allow positive thoughts? Sometimes I think that these people who espouse this "only be positive and it'll change your life" way of thinking are really kidding themselves. Without the bad, can you appreciate the good?

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Excuse, please, if my post is back and forth between ideas. Sometimes I wander....

Welcome to CC Girlbot, I think I am going to like talking to you!


I disagree Decius, I think repression is a choice one makes that allows them to continue on.

That is how I deal with things, it has always worked well and will continue to do so for me. I experience the negative emotions, take what I need out of them...throw the rest away and never think about them again.

Overall I think I am a positive thinker, of course I have my moments of aggression however I think that is just the way I am. That the aggression inside of me is not propagated by my repressed feelings just fueled by my everyday dealing with the tards of the world.

Agreed restless i used to get down a lot (err depressed one might say) because i used to try and resolve a lot of my problems.

The truth is (at least i've found) that when given negative situations with the exception of large things such as break ups, deaths, ect ... that if one just smiles it off and doesn't pretend its not there but just excepts that it is what it is. One can spend a lot more time on the bigger things that matter.

In answer to the original question i think by only talking about postive things one can be blinded and won't accomplish much but the negitives are what allow us to become stronger and push are selfs to be modivated. So balance in every sentance or exspression.

That is not what I said zach, I said...

quote:

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I experience the negative emotions, take what I need out of them...throw the rest away and never think about them again.

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Not to totally disregard them. If you disregard them you will not learn from them.

quote:

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You've not ascertained the nature of the negativity yet - you're saying it is cyclic, but there is no "why" behind that. Why is it cyclic? Why does the cycle begin? Is everyone cyclic?

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I said some people... and often it's hard to see where the cycle begins. It could be a myriad of little things - you wake up and step in cat puke... or you could end up dealing with some schmuck on the phone and becoming irritable... and once that starts, you ruminate on that schmuck and it snowballs. Maybe it's not the why that's important. Maybe the trick isn't to change your bad thoughts into good thoughts which seems naiive of all these positivity bloggers to suggest - maybe the trick is knowing just how to shrug it off.

Agree wholeheartedly with Decius. Repression is not a way out. It's just hiding. And waiting to be found. I speak from personal experience because repression once ruined me when I was stupid and thought it was a way to solve things.

And I applaud his last sentence. That is so true.

I think negativity, to an extent is a matter of perception. I think a reason for negativity is for it to play the role of a harsh but most effective teacher. Sure, it makes life suck, but at the same time it also allows you to cherish positivity and happy moments more and to appreciate their full value.

Negativity will only be completely negative if we let it be. In my opinion, it is something to be tackled. It is, after all, our teacher. I think negativity is important and vital, although I do hate it too. But after enduring its torture for so long, I figured that I should take the reins. It's my life, after all.

I try my best not to produce any negative situations even though others may not be as considerate. But what I believe is that I've played my part. Even if it is not reciprocated, i am still proud to say that I've done the part anyway.

Gosh, I think I sidetracked.

quote:

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I think negativity, to an extent is a matter of perception. I think a reason for negativity is for it to play the role of a harsh but most effective teacher. Sure, it makes life suck, but at the same time it also allows you to cherish positivity and happy moments more and to appreciate their full value.

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It's all in how you see things. A lot of these self help gurus tell you to change the way you think. How do YOU specifically change the way you think to avoid falling into the trap of seeing everything as a negative occurence?

I consciously tell myself that there is something to learn from this and when I've learned that I can defeat this negativity and become a better and stronger person.
I know that sounds like trite idealism.
But in all honesty that is how I work. And no, I didn't take that from a self help book.
Just something I learned.
It is pointless hating and whining. I used to do that alot. Never got anything done.
Easy for me to say. But of course it is difficult. Of course I get affected. But that's something I live with.

To start with, Decius you seem to have a vendetta that you verbally express, although against who I really don't know.

Now to the topic. Negativity is something that everyone faces. it is completely natural to feel it and in this day and age it isn't abnormal to experience it often. The idea behind thinking positively when a negative thought occurs to you is certainly repression, and what they don't tell you is that it is often a quick fix.

You'll feel better for a little while, but in the end, to put things in girlbot's words, it just snowballs until you have an avalanche of anger, or sadness, or stress.

Someone mentioned that when you start to have a bad day there is nothing that can set the day on the right path. Its just passed off from the get go as a day that is going to suck, and it does.

I have a lot of friends who come to me complaining about a bad day and very rarely do i find it to be a bad day. By the time I'm done speaking with them they see that it was only bad because they saw everything, even some positive things, as negative events, and all because they had the predisposition that nothing could go right that day.

You'll find if you look hard enough that even negative things have positive effects a majority of the time. Of course that won't always be the case, but when you do find a truly negative thing, as has been said before you learn from it.

One of my psychology professors told me that when they came across a patient who met a lot of stress everyday they would tell them to take a walk everyday. I propose that you try that. If you catch yourself in an unbearably negative mood than go for a walk.

While on your travels analyze the negativity. Break it down into everything that has happened that makes you feel negative and think about how those things could be for the better.

I personally listen to calming music while walking, and think about things that are bothering me. Sometimes I walk where I know I won't stumble across anyone and talk myself through whatever i'm thinking. Its relaxing and I'm not as angry as I used to be. I also have more self control.

Finally, I want to welcome you girlbot to our cynical family. Hope you stick with us, and we're all glad to have you here.

fireangel

...what's this guy made of?
Someone pointed out that having a more optimistic outlook on negativity was a form of repression.
I disagree.
Most people take in negativity and the find ways to remove it from them by extending that negativity to others or to objects.
But at the same time, there are people who are able to take that in and just somehow dissolve it. Either that, or they can find non-destructive ways to release that negativity without contributing to the cycle of misery.
Therefore, I don't think it is repression. Repression refers to a kind of buildup. This isn't.
Maybe negativity doesn't have that much impact on different people.
I admit that yes, taking it all in like some freaking loser means I can't or am not in the power to blame the one responsible. I just end up thinking all people suck.
I'm a loser like that. Because hatred and anger is too tiring. It eats at you from the inside. That's something I'd rather not have.

For your first point- No. I don't think negativity gets removed that way. But for stupid, cruel idiots, it is perceived as removed as the idiots actually think they feel better after that.

...as for the second one, my argument is pretty much blown, but I still know that some people just don't take it to heart so much.

In my opinion, either they ignore, or are just really even-tempered. And they understand that the cycle of misery doesn't end until someone stops it.

And as for your last sentence- I agree. It is not tangible. But I have to deal with the lemons life throws at me.

Decius

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"You try to claim to explain how it "magically dissolves" or is expressed in a "non-destructive" manner, yet you still have no context with which to find a solution."

People do things to each other in their learning process or are forced into a situation and these negative actions (if pushed upon oneself) one should learn to just accept them am shrug them off.

They don't need thinking or repression they just need acceptance and once there actions are not taken personally one can be on with their day in a matter of seconds.

I don't know where you stand totally but if i took time to resolve all my problems all the time i wouldn't have time to do other things so i just like arcanum said dissolve it by not letting it become a problem in the first place.

(i hope that was on topic n helped if not sorry for wasting your time)

Yeah, Zach explained everything with much more flair.
Though, 'acceptance' sounds like giving up.
(And why are we dragging religion into this?)

Isn't that a false dilemma? We can both understand and 'dissolve' negativity. They aren't mutually exclusive to humans.

Decius my understanding of Buddha is limited. From what I've read this is the impression i have gotten of him, Buddha walked the earth in search of the betterment of man though the betterment of himself.

I don't know if he spent all his time learning from negatives but i do know he taught acceptance.

Part of acceptance is understanding people will make mistakes and if those mistakes have repercussions on oneself that we can learn from these experiences (like you've said Decius) but eventually when we've already accepted the truth in their mistake and learned what there is to be learned.

When put into a similar situation we just accept that persons actions in a non-personal manner and continue with are life's.

Arcanum i like the word accept because when we accept something it is like we have given are self's the power to not let anyone else take control of ones thoughts a gift of power from ones self to ones self (if that made sense) acceptance is just to act of taking the gift.