Loss of a loved one...

The loss of a loved one affects me in more ways then I had ever imagined, I thought I would be sad.....cry a little.....and be over with it. Lives moves on right........well not fo rme.

You dont realize how much you love them until they are taken un-expectedly......then you wish things were diffrent. You wish......wish......but all there is is sadness.

We love you Shamus.

I have only lost two people 'close' to me, my mothers father and my father's mother... I didnt love either so when they died i went through a stage of guilt, that why didnt I feel a thing, not a tiny bit of pain, I was almost disgusted with myself. I havent lost anybody whom I love yet, and I may not understand fully how much it must hurt, the closest I have come to this feeling is when I have dreamt of my little brother dying so the pain in my dreams was so intense, that even now I can feel it. If that is how it feels, or worse because it is over an extended period, then i wish i could die before everybody else I love.

But one thing i remember my friend Jay saying when my gran died was, why is that at funerals people mourn over the dead rather than celebrate the live's they lived?
I hope you have people to help you through this death and that in time the pain dulls, and you are left with beautiful memories in its place.
Life will move on, I hope it does, but it doesnt mean it will happen now, you have to give yourself time, be kind to yourself, and seek comfort in others who may feel the same, support, but not if it brings you down more and more.
I wont be so self deluded as to to say I feel your pain, because I cant, and I wont lie, but i feel something, maybe it is fear, maybe it is affection for you, even if you dont want it from me, and I know it is some regret, for being so distant all the time.

Peace.

Laylah.

We had a class mate die freshman year. It was the worst month of school I think are class has seen as a hole. The kid that died was a football player the kind that wasn't super popular but rather the kind of guy everyone liked and respected.

I go to a fairly small school so this really hit everyone hard. Everyone said that same bit, looking back we all wish we would've done something a little different.

I personally, every time someone or something has passed in my life feel like I've lost a piece of me that won't come back. Almost like a little piece of my heart was taken with them when they left.

Still when looking back on these people I can see the good times and the smiles but their leaving is always what over shadows the glory they brought.

Losing someone is sad I just try to work and understand that the past is the past and that person wouldn't want me to keep them alive through tears but rather joy and smiles.

Well I have finally suppressed my emotions now so that I am not distracted all the time.

Makes me think about my mortality...about what I am doing with my life. Makes me thing if I wil look back when I am older (50-60) and think/wish I had done something different.

This sucks!