judging and self loathing

ok so i met a girl and things are going well but is we talk more and i iget to know more about her i get doubts.

kind of start to hate my self for judging her past. just i was raised to believe that a leopard never changes it's spots.

People seldom change and whats more, is they can never change what has already transpired. In saying this, i am not meaning people do not change the way in which they live, or how they choose to conduct themselves, but what is done is done and you are going to be the one who must live with that knowledge. Thus, the question falls to you, can you handle what you know?

Its unfortunate that people say a leopard can't change its spots - although I see why. Thats a poor analogy because its a fixed anatomical thing applied to an animal. In fact you could say we can't change our teeth - but we're more resourceful - so we can. If the leopard became more resourceful - he could.

It would be better to say a leopard can't change its environent. And then analyse this - whilst it is true that it can't change the past - the way its used does and will change whats done after. And then we have the added benefit of being human.

That said - there is a logic in why this is said - its a defence mechanism using probabilities.

In this sutuation I'd ignore what everyone else says and then think about it.

People don't change their personalities often, that is true. Barring any trauma, it is set, just like a leapords spots. However, people do get more matural. People get smarter. People gain more controll, and more wisdom. People learn from their mistakes, and learn to curb this behavor.

What did she do, how long ago was it?

Well I know how that can be.
You're a bit scetcvhy, but hey
Just talk to her more
see if her personality and stuff will get you over it.
Some people it doesn't matter their past really cause how much you end up liking who they are now.
Just try I guess.

Well i have a pretty messed up past, even a messed up present but im a pretty okay person, most people like me, i mean really most people do like me, and none of them know about my past or my bullshit situations. That means that im okay because it obviously doesnt reflect in the manner i go about my day, if you get me...i know somebody who knows all about my past but still really likes me for me... dont allow her past to get in the way, do what evol said, talk to her and find out about her. I think some people end up talking all about their lives and forget to talk about themselves.

Now when you say her past do you mean her childhood or the way she treated men, what do you mean her not being able to change, is it that you believe she'll end up doing what she claims she once did.. if you get what i mean.

Yeah
Like honestly
i've cheated before
I won't really ever forgive myself for it.
Though the guy I was with treated me like shi*
I should have just broken up with him first.
I guess I was just scared to break up with him.
He was abusing verbally and phisicly, and.. well even worse.

Her is right about "what do you mean as her past exactly"
Cause i've had a really messed up past, but not all my fault.
It wasn't just things I did, just things I went through.

I luv to talk to people.
It increases my studies, makes me fell.. well i guess happy, and I get things out of me and even help others.
I've been told I am a psycologist to some people.
I guess that's a big thanks to my studies *shrugs*
So if ya talk to her more you should be able to see more of who she is now instead of what's happened then.
Good luck whatever happens, I don't want you getting hurt.
Though I don't know you, i've seen too many good people be harmed.