Running from Reality

Reality what is it? Is it something you work to maintain or achieve? Or is it the same for everyone that life and people in general are all the biggest joke of time? These are just some of the questions that plague my mind lately. My whole life I was led to believe that if I was honest, hard working, kind, and helpful to others (at least try) that I would have a healthy and prosperous life. That my actions would reflect into my own life. Now these things are not always the easiest choices you can make nor are they always the most fun. For the most part people stay on course and at least attempt this approach for a part of there time with us. I personally can say I have tried this path a couple times over through my life. The reality of the situation is I've always been fucked! Now to be fair and honest I probally can only blame myself for the most part. So if my reality is that I don't have anything worse happen to me when I'm a complete piece of shit, or the picture perfect poster boy. Then I could say reality is the perception of ones mind. If in my world I see flying pigs and purple bananas then its reality right? Now there is a problem because most would call that delusional. So now im still stuck on the question what is reality? I understand the word real and I grasp the meaning of delusion but still lost on reality. The world and society that we live in try to tell us what the reality of our lives should be or at least what we should strive for. I think the reality of the whole fuckin thing is we are all crazy insane. The only sane people are the ones we lock up and label. Society wants a perfect picture you know 1.5 kids, house, car, dog and the white picket fence. The reality is only maybe 35% of our vast population will ever achieve this type of outcome. So I think most people are chasing after there perceptions of reality. Above it all me and myself have been running for several years now and I've lost even the sight of anything close. I've become very good at seeing what I want to and believing I may be able to sculpt and form my own reality. Most things in life come with pain, especially the ones that seem to be the best. One day it all just kicks you in the nuts and then you have devastation. All the different types of addictions we may have (drugs, booze, caffeine, nicotine, or sex) can not change reality it only alters what we see or feel for a short time. Some of us will always have what they need and want and some, no matter what we do or how hard we try will never have those things. So I guess I still have no clue what's crazy insane and what's reality. The reality is that I will never be in reality until I can have some understanding of what realism is. Maybe its time to open my eyes and stop running.