In love with two Men

Please do not think less of me but I am in love with 2 men, and I need some advice or oppions on how I feel. The one man I am married to. The other man is our (me and my husbands) best friend. I have recently gone through a tough time loosing both my parents in a 4 month period. Although both were there for me One was more than the other (my friend). Ever sence this time I feel this strong emotional bond twords my friend and not my husband.I dream about him, I am always thinking about him and everytime he is aroud i feel like I have never felt before. I also think he feels alittle like I do he has admited to likeing me. will my love twords my friend go away? Has anyone else had this problem is there an easy way out? what do I do?

just because someone is there for you, and it makes you feel attatched, does not mean you are in love with them. love isn't just about someone being there for you, its about you loving to be there for them. if you are feeling so attatched to another man, then maybe you aren't in love with your husband like you thought you were. if you were truely in love with your husband, it wouldnt matter who else was there for you, you would be too preoccupied loving to be there for him.

don't be irrational, be sure of your feelings.

Have you considered polygamy?

Have you ever considered that maybe because you see your husband on a daily basis, hence it makes him less attentive? I've dated 3 guys so far (i.e. each for at least 3 years), all of them being dramatically different from each other. I found that they still cared about me in their own way, but because of exposure, it's harder to feel like they care when they show they care. I don't know... maybe you only feel that 'special' feeling for you husbands bestfriend because it's partly 'unknown' and 'unexplored' territory. Given that, you are more likely to feel drawn and excited when he shows that he cares. So, maybe if you were to try and take a 2 week vacation away from your husband, it would help you figure out how you feel towards him. Put some healthy distance and different dynamic or perspective on your relationship with your husband before you go and make up your mind. Sometimes, it just takes a change of outlook to change your attitude and approach towards something familiar.

Excellent points kitten,

If you haven't told either of them of these feelings than you don't love either, you are being selfish and it will bite you in the ass.

The grass is always greener on the other side, untill you get self confident and rely less on the attention of others, you will do little but destroy all relationships.

You are on the verge of crushing a marriage and a couple of friendships, you had better get your head straight.

Is it really wrong to want better for myself? I know how i feel, both about my husband and my friend, I love my husband, and what i feel for my friend has nothing to do with lust its all emotions. I know my friend feels the same way for me cause of how close we have gotten in the past year. Some times when look in his eyes i will remember how I felt and be sad for days knowing I can't have him hold me like i want so bad. As for the a**holes like IRONWOOD. If you dont have anything nice to say please dont say anything at all I came here in my time of pain and needing I dont need people like you making my life worse.

Kiss my ass, if you don't want the truth don't ask for it. Your reaction is typical of one caught in selfish action, I'm quite familiar with it, I've seen it and done it myself.

Not saying something that someone might take offense to is little different than ignoring a problem in hopes of it fixing itself. Which in turn is most commonly used to create an excuse for being victimized.

You apparently miss how you emphasize my point by ignoring the fact that you have not told either of them your feelings, though they affect them both.

You ignore what's going to happen to your husband, kind of significant, though not the factor that should determine your future, all while focusing only on your own selfish worries of what you will lose or gain in this.

You think you new hubby will ever trust you, when the thrill dies down all he will remember is how you lied to your husband to leave with another man, think he'll be inviting friends over?

But what do I know, I'm just an asshole, enjoy the cold served shit sandwich you are making, you deserve it.

Hey Guys! Stop it. I understand where both of you are coming from. Even though, Ironwood's words might be a tad bit acerbic - I believe his intentions are only to try and get you to look at the other side before you make that leap of faith and "final decision". I don't know how many serious relationships you've been in, Sugar&Honey, but it's not an uncommon dilemma you find yourself in. At the same time, it's not fair for us to guess, discern, or claim to know what your relationship with your husband is like since we aren't actually THERE to experience it like you have. I have a girlfriend that has felt what you just described. She always feels so much more connected to the guy she was spiritually interested in, but never had the chance to get together with them. She told me that no-matter what, she would never forget them. The reason she can't be with one, is because he is married, and the other she can't be with because he has severe psychological issues. However, your case may be like that of Madame Bovary's. There is a new movie opening this weekend, called "Little Children" starring Kate Winslet. She lives the life of a suburbanite and has a delightful child, along with a husband and white picket fences. However, she is discontent because she isn't emotionally close to her husband. So, she ends up meeting a guy played by Aaron Eckhart who is in the same boat as she is. They end up having an affair. I'm not suggesting that you should have an extra-marital affair or anything, but I'm just saying in a way - if you do feel that there are certain things you aren't getting from your husband that you need and want... you should be open, honest and communicate that to your husband before you go ahead and decide what's best for the all 3 of you. If you ALREADY have made up your mind about who is the BEST guy for you, and it's not your husband - you should IMMEDIATELY be open and honest to your husband as well. I mean, to look on the bright side, or to really explore all topics, if you haven't already had a child with him, at least this whole thing is a little less sticky right? And, if you ARE sincerely happy with his bestfriend, maybe if your husband really loves you and wants what's best for you - in time he'll come around and be happy for both of you. Who knows. It's a hard and tough choice, right? To make something you have with someone work, or to resign yourself to the bed you've made and so you lie in it concept right? I mean, either way you look at it - the best route to go, and I'm sure Ironwood agree with me on this one is to be completely honest to your husband because your decision involves you and him, not just YOU. What do you think, Sugar&Honey?

Of course you can be in love with two men. It's absolutely unnatural, unrealistic to be in love with one man the rest of your life. This is one of the reasons why the divorce rate is so high. You marry a person today, and 10 yrs down the road they are not the same person. Then what?? We were meant to love many people...and I am not talking physically.

I do not think any less of you Sugar&Honey. People experince what you are going through every day. I do feel that you are abit confused about your true feelings for your friend. Riight now you are going through so many different kinds of emotions and you are mistaking it for something else my love.