Help with being funny...but smart funny

Okay so worst case scenario:

I have a horrible sense of humor, and if I try to be funny it usually involves making fart jokes, or a penis.

If that was me, what are some good ways to develope a real nice sense of humor...without the farting or a penis. I'm talking "smart-funny" "funny but with intelligence". Some might call it "cocky and funny" (words by some dating master). We all know that girls like for a man to be funny, but come on, The Three Stooges really are not funny. So anybody male or female (ladies especially, b/c you're the main reason I wanna know this...so tell me whats funny to most girls that doesn't make me out to be a total dumbass), please post something on how to be "smart-funny".

Thanks again

This is probably not quite what you are looking for but you might want to look in to witty humour. Take a look and comedy series such as yes minister. Expand your vocabulary and look in to word play and double entendre (double meaning). You might want to look at some of more witty stand up comics we have in great Brittan (I gather American stand up is often on the level of fart jokes and yo moma). You might like to look in to satirical impressionists of the ilk of Rory Bremner.

If you want to know what the Cocky Funny is you got to hit the streets. Find a guy who's really successful with women. Like rediculously successful. Now watch what he does weather he knows it or not he's using the cocky funny technique. Either that or he's really loaded.

Would there be any cock and funny/witty funny people on Captain Cynic perhaps...

If you think you are, please give me some pointers

Go to a college party. At every single one there is always a guy who has like 3 girls hanging on his every word. Watch that guy and listen to the kind of stuff he talks about. He is usually the cocky funny guy. I think the name of the game is confidence.

just find some amusing storys or suchlike you can tell people, stupid but amusing things people have done (that dont include penises or farting) i usually just look at my family for that kind of material (my gran actually has taken the bottom melon from a pile and sent them all rolling around the shop, then she and her friend ran out laughing) (see peter kay for other examples) . either that or watch some british satire, and see if you can get the idea of the wordplay and one-liners that make it what it is. (older british comedy is better, most of the modern stuff is degeneating into farting and anatomy jokes). though some modern stand-up comedians are good, peter kay, bill bailey etc, or watch billy connoly being interviewed (pref interviews with michael parkinson, connoly is hilarious, and doesnt swear or tell the crude jokes that he does live)

Stories are kind of lame if you ask me because each time you tell a story it gets all watered down and not to mention you can only tell it once to every person you meet. Man just relax a little you shouldn't fear judgment so much.

the thing about 'coky and funny' is that you get the message across to the woman that you are not intimidated by her, that you are confident enough to make her fun of her rather than trying to be helpfull and nice guy-ish like most men she comes across. When talking to a women just kinda 'tease' her, hmmm humour is a really complicated subject once u get down to trying to 'explain' it