Your Own Insecurities

Tell about your own insecureities and how you think you got them and then talk about the others and help each other with them.

I just noticed one of mine.

I have a need for attention and get hurt wh en i dont get it from people/things I care about.
When my inbox is empty. When a girl I care for doesnt treat me in a different manner than others. And when my freinds seem uninterested in my life.

I think this come from my beliefe that no one empathizes with what I feel. I think this because I have trust issues. I can't take someones word that they are thinking about me and I need them to show me some way. This comes from me being constantly let down by those I care about. I dont think these people are my parents, because I dont think I have ever cared about them.

I need attention so I feel the care and comfort of someone feeling for me. Other wise I am hurt. I am hurt because I am capable of empathizing with so many people, yet few seem to do it with me. And when those people do empathize with me, they run away from me. And that only contributes to my trust issues, which in turn only contribute the insecureity itself, and then more pain.

Sothis insecureity spawns things that make it stronger, only causing more pain. I believe this is the "build up" taht people explose with.

How do I get rid of this? Does anyone else have this or have had this? How? Why?

Now you go.

Attention = validation. Maybe on some level you feel there is something wrong with you, because as you said, once you establish a mutual emotional connection with someone they turn away from you. You try to challenge that by trying to find the same kind of connection wherever possible to see if you can maintain it.

I think it's true that people tend to find themselves in the same kinds of relationship situations they experienced in their pasts. Those who don't understand history are doomed to repeat it etc., so it's good that you are analyzing the situation and recognize that you keep falling into a pattern. On the surface it looks like this is a lack of trust in others, but it probably stems from lack of self-confidence (that's why it turned into a pattern, a search for validation through emotional understanding). This is just my perspective from the other side of the Internet though.

I think you're already on the way to changing the pattern, but as with most things it won't happen overnight. Actually it will probably take a long time. Just keep digging at the root, because the more you understand a problem the less likely you are to fall back into it. Also remember that sometimes people don't really understand their feelings (or even want to understand them), so it's hard to find someone to genuinely empathize with. It's definitely a wonderful connection to have, but I think you're too dependent on it, which is causing you all of this pain.

Just my two cents, hope they can be of some help.

awakendwraith whatever your real name is, Ide just get a boyfriend, u dont need to get much more attention from other people when u got a boyfriend that can see u often, Im a bit like u too but not as...much or somehting, and I find myself feeling crapy when im single.

I just forgot to say take chances and stop caring so much, care but dont go overbord, start enjoying life, stop looking for ways to destroy it, I dunno, Im just a guy talking about something girls go through, i guess.

Andrew21,

As far as we all know.. Awakendwraith is a guy, and straight. Could be wrong!

Anway, as far as this thread is concerned.. Insecurities are a tricky part of life. I am without a doubt not free from them myself, but in recent years they have been less of a defining factor. Now, the insecurities I have mainly consist of awkward moments. There is nothing worse than saying the wrong thing to the wrong person (boss, co-worker, professor). Even in highschool, I found that a good amount of my stress was caused not by my peers alone, but also by my teachers. The need to impress our superiors in this competetive world is enough to crack me, and I happen to think I am a rather confident person.

Then, there are the awkward moments with my boy toy. Those are another story that I will keep to myself for the time being, but I think that most people (those above certain age/maturity levels, and are sexually active by choice) know what I am talking about.

For what?

Things that make me feel insecure? I'm not sure what you mean. There are many things in my life that I do not like but the vast majority do not make me feel threatened or at risk. Annoyed, depressed, yes but not at risk. I think you need to define what you mean by insecurity.

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Then, there are the awkward moments with my boy toy. Those are another story that I will keep to myself for the time being, but I think that most people (those above certain age/maturity levels, and are sexually active by choice) know what I am talking about.

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Actually that is sort of an insecurity. I really don't like in jokes. I don't like things going on around me with out me knowing. I don't like being shut out of discussions. That feeling of there being an inner circle that is keeping stuff from you. I don't really care what the excuse is. It's a girl thing, it's an adult thing. None of it ever washed with me.

I even bugged my own homes telephone as a child. In that case my suspicions were confirmed as I found out my mothers god daughter was visiting us not simply to do DIY for us as we were told but because she'd had a lesbian encounter with a friend and was using us as a retreat to work out some issues. Presumably us 'children' were not told this because it was felt we did not need to know. A classic excuse to justify what you will. The point is I never thought of my self as a child in that sense. I thought of my self as a short person who was in many ways as competent as the tall pepol around him and in some ways much more competent. (certainly more competent at bugging phones)

It probably comes from my parents keeping my grand dads illness from me until he was at deaths door and wouldn't let me see him in his condition. That and the fact I'm just very nosy and mist trustful of peoples motives. Or if not their motives then their preconceptions and paradigms of thought. Experience has taught me others mostly have modes of thought I can not trust and will pass off selfish motives as being motivated by some greater good.

CodeWarrior- The inside joke is not the insecurity, it is the thing that exploits the insecureity.
The insecureity is the fear that you are fearing... I'm not wording this right, but maybe that helped a little.

Decius- "To be secure permanently."

I get the feeling that being right is more important than being happy. You feel this so much, that being right is the only that can make you happy. And if at any point you are depressed, it is as if you have been defeated on a small level. Because you are so smart, you feel that you should be able to solve any problem that comes at you. And being depressed is being confused, and being confused is not knowing, and not knowing is not solving.

I think this combines with an earlier thread, the one about people not being able to... the one about you not wanting anymore "bitches." We talked about how society has programed you, and others, to be shallow.

Now, if what you are afraid of is failing, and society has programmed you into thinking that money will "solve" anything. Then maybe you think that money will "solve" your "confusion." And because you, and I, and many others, strive for true happiness, if at any point in time we are not happy, that means that something is wrong. But with enough power, enough money, you can "solve" anything.

Tyler says, its once we've lost everything that we are free to do anything. Your freind, restlessmind, says that a conclusion is only when someone stopped thinking.

The theme of fight club apllies here. Be ok with not winning. You don't HAVE to be strong or right or whatever.. Its ok to lose every now and then, and its ok to be weak. On any and every level. Thats hard to swallow, but I trully believe so. Whats the point of staying a course you are'nt sure how is going to end?

Ok, that was pretty out there, but maybe you can find some wisdom in it.

yes, a basic problem with all of us is that we think external influnecs are responsible for our internal life. It's upto you ultimately how to feel, not on the situations ur in. Its favourable that at a young age you realize that money, power, popular etc although favouarable, can't cause you to remain haapy for a prolongd period of time, otherwise u'll have troube in old age.

I think I have a thing for not being popular, which I think is probably becuz I was a sort of 'soft' till I was 10-11, and later become well known through being a 'bad boy' and don't want a image like my previous one probably.

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CodeWarrior- The inside joke is not the insecurity, it is the thing that exploits the insecureity.
The insecureity is the fear that you are fearing... I'm not wording this right, but maybe that helped a little.

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The inside joke is not malice. Not at my expense. It is simply a sign that I am on the out side. The insecurity is the feeling that I can not trust anybody to understand much less respect and look out for my interests. I don't trust others to know best for me, to tell me what I actually need to know rather than what they think I ought to know. The insecurity is the feeling that you are so different to every one else that you can expect no more real understanding and acceptance than an alien on earth.

Even the ones that mean well may end up trying to kill you because what's bread and butter to them is poison for you.

I have problems making and keeping friends because I usually just get really quiet when I'm in a social setting. Sometimes I even find that I have nothing at all to contribute so I don't talk unless someone asks me a question. I'm thinking it might have something to do with my lack of interest in getting to know people (maybe because I fear that once I feel comfortable with them they'll turn on me or I'll find out they're just using me for something... bad past experiences).

So yeah, basically my personality goes on vacation around people I haven't been close to for at least 6 months.

I'm usually always insecure about my appearance. no matter how hard I work to make things about myself better, It just doesn't seem to look any different to me.


Another insecurity I have would be losing someone that means a lot or has the potential for me to care about them a lot. [My girl friend would be a prime example] so everytime I do something wrong, I try to do just about anything to make things better.

An insecurity I just started to realize is that after failing my math test I relize that maybe, for someone who doesn't do so great in school, maybe my goal is a bit unrealistic or too advanced for someone like me when i know people a lot smarter than me in school are going for the same objective (except in quebec they ask for insane marks while the rest of Canada asks for less) but then again, if I quit my goal and do something thats less chalenging, Ill probebly regret it, and regreting something your gonna do pritty much for the rest of your life is f*cking depressing, but of course its hard to stay motivated and discipline, but life isn't easy, not even close. My point is that I guess I should stay more positive and stick to what I want to do instead of changing my mind all of a sudden because its too hard. I'm insecure about myself but things are a lot better than they were 3 years ago, so u never know how things might turn out, for the better or for the worse, I guess its up to me.

Disenchanted, it's possible that you're in settings that don't appeal to you for now. Maybe they talk about things you could care less about. You can either try to find ways to get the convo onto your topics via finding a commong ground, or find new friends. I just stuck it out without many friends until I got to college and fit in with the more open-minded crowd. Now, I'm more social too.

"Personality on vacation"