my poem

Death
What a funny subject,
I have messed up so many times
and tripped down the stairs so many times.
What is worse is that my head isn't cracked open.
Its my heart,
And it wont die.

Love,
What a sad subject,
I have broken bones to spare
And bruises enough to share
What is worse is that it doesn't shatter.
It just bleeds
And it wont kill.


this is my first poem and I would like some feedback

I really like it. Is it really your first poem? It's simple, but relatively powerful. It's short and to the point; it's concise (sp?), and that adds to its strength. I enjoyed it.

in the first part you used the same phrase twice. - so many times- you shouldn't do that. And why death and love? ( very cliche )

Repeating 'so many times' helps to emphasize the phrase. If it was only once, it wouldn't be as clear to the reader how key a point it was. Or something. *shrug*

no it doesnt. especially the way it was 2 sentences right after another. i know what im talking about.

I also know (somewhat) what I'm talking about. I've been writing poetry for lots of years, and most people who have seen it agree that it's more than decent.

This poem here might not be the best in the world, but I think it's fine, especially for a first attempt.

learn that people older than you usually know more than a 15 year old. you thinkyou know everything at that age!

I never claimed to know anything, although as I could never imagine telling anyone at any point in my life 'you think you know everything at that age', in some respects I appear to be more mature than you. But I didn't realise this was some sort of contest until you began getting defencive. *shrug* But I suppose you know best.

When I say that I know what I'm talking about in terms of poetry, it has nothing to do with age. Some types of knowledge come with experience. I've been writing poems since I first learned to write (and probably before), and during my life I've spent time analalyzing poetry - both my own and that of others. I've looked at things, I've read things, I've fitted things together, and I've figured out what I like the sound of, and what catches my eye in a poem.

A good deal of this is opinion. I personally enjoyed this poem. I pointed out some of the things that I feel make this poem good. That's just how I feel about them. I also didn't say it was the best poem I'd ever read, and it isn't up to professional standards. But for a first poem, I think it's decent. I'm not claiming to be a professor of English or anything, but I do know what I like and dislike in a poem. And I liked this poem.

I never said you had to like it. I never said you had to think it was good. I never claimed that my opinion about this poem was some kind of fact. You're the one picking fights. You don't have to like a poem, but just because I do doesn't make me unintelligent.

well you are unintelligent if you think i called you that

There's a difference between 'a little negative feedback' and telling someone that his first poem is crap. I think if I hadn't received good feedback on my first poem or two, I might not have continued writing. I'm very sensitive to criticism. I'm sure plenty of great writers are as well.

By the way, there's a difference between saying 'I don't like your poem' or 'I think it might sound better if you edit line whatever' and telling someone that their poem is stupid. In my humble opinion, there's no such thing as a stupid poem, with the possible exception of one written for the sole purpose of being stupid. A poem is a reflection of feelings, ideas, thoughts, whatever, and those things aren't stupid. There's also no such thing as a perfect poem. And just because someone isn't well known for his poems doesn't mean he'll never be. There's a thing called potential, and to reach your full potential you've got to practice. That's difficult if there's people saying you should stop writing, that it's pointless, and that you'll never be great.

Do you write poetry? If you do, you should know that sometimes it's harder than a lot of people realise it is.

i liked the poem especially how you ended each part.

quote:

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Death and it won't die

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quote:

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Love and it won't kill

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You've stumbled across a great discovery here of paradox on the surface but that reveals itself, ultimately, in the nature of nature.