*Smiles with in Solitude* - Page 6

In the depths of mankind's heart, I hide. Lurking through the channels of the soul. I have not purpose for existing, yet every reason to be destroyed. I cause battles, which have no ending, a lifetime of pain. I'm a venom and a whore. Passed around from place to place, not quite finding a permanent home. Never complete, I'm always alone.

Let lose on society, they can't control me. Can't really take me out. Chaos imprinted on my soul, a label no one ever sees or always ignores. Disguised as flowers, as red as the chambers with in. I bleed constantly; this abuse never stops.

I'm in pain everyday, my tears clear as rain, yet no one seems to notice. Miss used and not truly understood, my meaning is everywhere--invisible to the world. I'm comfort and pain, a senseless carnage in every smile. I'm timeless and priceless; I can never be destroyed.

Standing on a ledge, looking down
it seems you are higher than anyone.
Here.
You stand upon the ledge looking out
and you see the next one
and the next after that.
Miles of precipices man made as a plain,
Miles of precipices raised from the flat by Neptune's might
which now I stand upon, I look out and close my eyes
feel the gentle breeze, the smell of the ocean
and I imagine the breeze become wind
screaming and howling in the darkest of night
the smell becoming spray, spray become waves
towering over my frame on the flat barren highway.
The lightning flashes, the thunder roars
the pillars remain firm-the sound of gunshots
as the trident shatters the strong steel with its touch
and my footing slips
on what I once though terra firma held her graps
and a crackle louder than a baby's scream splits the concrete.
Nature must be deaf, for before at a cry for aid
she would seemingly halt the wind and lower Neptune's mightly arm.
But her harshness is testament to the bridge
as the rubble is testament to her ferocity and raw power.
The crack widens, I throw out my hands and shout,
the words snatched away from my toungue before I knew they existed
and I am lifted upon a great precipice
higher and higher, the wind buffets me around
(why it does not lift me as it has the ground I know not)
as the gods continue thier frenzied slashing
the wind still howls, searing my eyelids with the hot iron
of an image I never saw- or did I? The eyes fly open
the pupils contract to close out the pictures
but still they come.
Power, ferocity, utter destruction
I fear the next time I must shut my eyes.
Will troubled dreams rattle my eyelashes
as I rest to rise and view the final frame
of vivid imagination, real reality.
Do I dare sleep while my mind attacks without mercy?

I close my eyes to blink again.

I'm eager, the excitement is killing me inside.
Anger rushes to the center of my soul,
As I wait patiently for the verdict.
So many empty shells fighting for the same spot,
I can see I'm not alone in my quest.
Firewalls, which block my every move.
Immobilized with the stroke of a pen,
Yet in times like this wouldn't it be a by a click of a button?
Confused and annoyed, frustration blinds my judgments.
I have no clue what my next move will be.
Do I have enough time to act?
How can I accomplish anything
When I can't even pass the velvet rope.
A key is given to me, I found a way in.
A limited time to rush through those doors,
I'm not really sure I'll have enough time to get by.
Lock out by my thoughts, my insecurities overwhelmed.
Unsure of my fate.
My journey unclear.
Foreseen disaster, a foreshadow of failure,
Yet ignorance allows me to surpass all these doubts.
A predator in action, success is at hand.
An uncertain adventure, my heart beats with joy.

[hoping to buy tickets for weenie roast...]

Speed Speed running this race
shoes on the pavement suicide pace
People yelling orders demands
why do I have but two hands
to fufill these desire as fast as I need
all I need is speed speed speed
rounding corners without looking first
runing so fast that my heart will soon burst
this isnt healthy but its what needs to be
Ill slow down later as soon as I see
a place to rest and prepare for lap two
my muscles are burning as long as theyll do
what I tell them to do they still will serve strong
as they carry my wieght on the stretches so long
Reports musics can we go out Friday night
how many how few whats wrong and whats right
Speed Speed Speed Running this race
shoes on the pavement at a suicide pace
running so fast that I blur to your sight
and I split open the darkness in a bolt of bright light.

I'm surrounded by images of life,
I'm scorned, torn apart from the inside out.
People bombard me with promises, and words I don't comprehend
Intertwine the thin threads of life.
The future captured in the autumn leaves,
As they fall into the bottomless fields of spring.
The flames of hate, captured with in ice a reminisce of history,
Which claws through our hearts.
A metamorphosis into independence,
Which is masked as a punishment of the unsettled soul.
Compromising evidence that proves we're all mentally imbalanced.
Carnage of the pure of heart,
Yet I've never seen such thing.
The permission of pain that destroys any that gets in the way.
Blood that paints portraits of the mind.

Sitting here in an empty chair
sitting in deathly silent air
falling for the pictures made up by my mind
of horrid situations that ever slowly grind
upon my resolve, as I read the black text
I cannot understand, I blink my eyes vexed
at the name so familiar that now breaths no breath
that has slipped surly bonds to become enbraced by dark death
the pain that he went through, the agony I feel
that he endured in that flying flaming wreck of twisted steel
as the wheels left the ground and was pitched through dark skies
from miles away I swear I heard his dying cries
that heralded the fall of the scythe to his life
and ended twenty years of his straining and strife.
And now on this screen I see the nail in the box
that when pounded in turns the key in that ever fatal lock.
I'll go to the funeral, and smile softly to the dead
as he sleeps eternally upon the softest of all deathbeds.

RIP Dirk Reynolds
20 Yrs. old
DOA @ Our Fair Lady of Mercy Hospital.

A good deed left unturned,
Taken for a fool--an unlucky scene of events.
Smiles shade the unforeseen silence that awaits us.
As tears break through the glass of our souls.
Roads built on shame, as age consumes our sorrows.
Screaming omens that tell you the unknown,
A dark excitement that hides all our doubts.
Forged from anger, our fears are born.
Created through capitulation,
My bad deed are all shown.

The dawn emerges, and I quiver. The shadows subside, as the morning light rushes to my feet. The howling moon goes over my head, hiding its wounds from the vibrant light. I walk down a brick road, which conceals droplets of darkness. Clear eyes reveal the unseen raindrops, the midnight sky bleeds out the darkness, and I stand their as the shadows begin to grow. My structure begins to shiver; everything becomes ice cold, as the sun beats down on me. I don't know where to go. The roads before me are swallowed up, as the world below me is flooded by the unseen. Hours pass and still I crumble, my existence a faint memory, which no one will remember.

A roaring scream goes through me, my fallen pieces are reconstructed. A slow pace, as life is reassembled. My incisions healed by time, as the shadows are re-emerging and the sun begins to die. The brick road is once more purified, as the shadows are allowed to rise. No more must they hide; no more must I bleed.

A short string binds all my wounds, as the night sky is allowed to shine. For it's not until the morning when these strings will let me die.

Striding into the next room
I see ropes criscrossing before me
like a fatal spiderweb, all impossibly intertwined
with barely enough space between to squeeze.
All the strands pulled taught, tied at either end
to the pin of a grenade bolted to the all.
All the stands pulled taught, tied at either end
to one another.
Push one too far, you pop the pin of one
you pull the trigger on your life when the rest go with it.
But in the center of the room lies a silver gem
lit by white lights upon a pedistal of stone.
I gaze upon it in wonder, and without noticing the obsticals
the impossible odds facing me, I step foreward and lunge
twisting, turning, left, right, left, down!
I somersault through cords, a hairs breath between my destruction
and the demolition of the perfect jewel.
Flipping, twisting, step, step, jump and twist, land on my hands,
launch to my feet, I stand before it.
Reveling in its glory
feeling the warmth it radiates.
feeling this tugging at my foot, I glance down

and a cord goes slack. A tiny pop
My pupils contract to the size of a pin that has just fallen from a bomb...

I lift the jewel as gently as I can from its stone cradel and turn to run.
I have seconds to survive. The light from the door streams in
glittering off the fibers of the web with silver beams
as hundreds of spiders bolted to the walls stare hungirly at me, at my prize
waiting to explode.
I have no time to twist, to turn, I simply charge for the light
cords whipping at my legs, a sound like gunfire
as every pin is pulled from its holster
and every charge prepares to blow.
faster, Faster, FASTER! I leap for the door
as across the room the first explosion sends a hot shard into my shoulder
siezing it like a hammer upon hot metal
I fall, grab the door on the way down, as I hear the pins still rattling
and I swing it shut, just as the drumroll begins.

I look to my bloody chest, at the flawless jewel I've lived to hold
it's beauty stuns me
roots me to the floor
It's simply magnificent.
The drumroll continues, and I turn about
tearing my eyes from the light in my hands
and I see the wall begin to disintegrate, as behind it flies the shrapnel
making a wall of flying steel behind it.

I hug the gem and cover it, as not to let anything harm it.
It's a lost cause, but there's no harm in trying.

I've slowed down again, but I'm still at a breakneck pace
as two days close to another year off the calender
paper flutters to the floor about my feet
I'm smiling as my hands fly over the pages
letters, numbers, ideas and facts flow from the pen
to the shredded printed tree before me.
It's late, the light for my work is warm
The fountain bubbles its calming melody, and the radio croons
notes of satin caress my ears
she's in my mind, what comes tommorow, what lies far ahead
the car I saw at the camp, the flow of her dress, the smiles of laughing folks
My four year old cousin begging me to carry him around
then latching onto my knee when I smiled and said no
or ducking through tree branches when I said yes
cooing happily at the height he's attained.
Sunlight catches his hair and fills my pupils, which drink the golden beams
like parched mouths at the stream of ice crystal water.
Cool breezes, I forgot thier caress for so long,
though I'm much better than before when it comes to simply

Living.

I was once asleep.
My eyes open, alive for all the world to see.
The darkness was clear as day.
Numb to my surroundings, I didn't realize I was falling.
The current of blazing wind rushed throughout my body,
As it tried to slow my departure.
Falling for days, I noticed the ground to be closer than expected.
A shield of adrenaline, block the entrance of pain.
Standing up, for what seemed like the very first time,
I walked to the edge, getting ready to fall once more.
Free falling with out protection, I felt so alive.
I closed my eyes, being awake from a never-ending dream.
Sensitive to everything, my skin began to bleed.
No pain, once again, just an out pour of blood.
My body began to fall apart,
As I closed my eyes and finally woke up.

Sit and just listen to the lyrics of a song.
Watch as the rhythm overwhelms your every being.
Your heart beats at the pace of the music,
You are one with the melody.
It's just a few minutes,
But for that instance you are more than just a person;
You are sound.
You're moved and removed,
Taken by the sweet symphony to a world of life and death.
Where the alpha and omega are one with each other,
And all is the same with in different strokes.

Each note tells a story,
Your experiences standing before you on the music sheet of life,
Ever flowing and never-ending.
A mood for every season,
Captured in an instance.
The anger of your sorrows,
Which are thrown into plain site by the beauty of the noise.
Instruments that guide the tears with in,
So is the music in our soul,
Silent and yet loud as hell.
You scream for redemption from all the wrong that you've committed,
But all is drowned out by the lyrics of a song.

Stolen words, emotion put on pedestals for all the world to hear.
Nothing is left silent,
No tear is left behind.
The expressions of life given off by the beat of every drum.
All is given away by the lyrics of a song.

Closing my eyes as I write this down
as 'in the end' plays over my speakers
I cannot slacken my eyelids
tense, sprun, ready to spring
a coiled rattlesnake, ready at a moment's notice to strike
I connot relax.
Only four more days till I may rest in solitude again
a week until I rest with my friends.
The tasks between then and now are trying to me.
I've faced worse, but they still have the numbing effect
of tightening my muscles
screwing up my eyes.
and lighting my fingernails with a passion that burns paper with marks
that I myself cannot read, taps keys
with a pattern that I cannot discern.

I'm thinking.
I spent a week's solitude in the southern regions devastated by a watery slam,
I still carry some of the baggage that I picked up down there.
I need to let it go, not becuase I must
but because, with this keyboard and this screen
I can.
I'll start writing, my fingernails glowing
the pattern what I cannot see,
and I'll close my eyesas I type
and maybe, just maybe,
my eyelids will drop thier tightness

Freedom form my mind.
I find myself smiling unconsciously.
I know what I must do.

A superhero held within
behind the glass
the light streams through
outlining his form for us to see
he motions out
we watch in awe
as he shows us what he may, what we may
we move about, we move around
and slacken our jaws at his patience.
Though behind the glass, behind the lens
his eyes are pleading, pleading out
that when his hand lies against the side
he only wishes to be let free
for he floats within us all
and slowly he is shriveling
muscles slipping into atrophy
getting weaker, weaker
He soon will fade, the light will stream through
and our sphere we look to shall be empty of him
empty of example, empty of potential.
And then we lie on our backs
and look through the bottom of a glass of water
and see the gold dancing across the glass.
And we see his ghost in our pupils
as he walks outside of the orb.
We press our hands to the glass
and behind the walls, behind the lenses
our eyes are pleading.
But then he looks to us,
and we see what must happen to save him
and we motion what he must do.
And he nods, and does what we offer
or not.
And now the shoes are on the other foot.
as the light streams through.

We're all men of steel,
Un-moved and shattered in our determinations to capture the world.
Our words and thoughts are methodical,
Shadowed detectives with a mind more valuable than gold.
We see the unseen,
And value the un-imaginable.
Taking risks that bring life to the night sky,
Doing task that make each morning worth experiencing.
The clouds become shapeless and motionless,
As we take to the sky in un-thinkable speed.
A visionary, foreseeing what such velocities can accomplish.
We are giants in a world of even bigger beings.
Comprehending what is thrown to us,
We break down your every thought.
Bound by the norms of society,
We are tamed and kept hidden from all eyes.
We fear being seeing,
And yet are feared when seen.
We are giants,
Invisible to the world.

Silent by weapons that make us immortal,
We are terrorized by those forces we call "the protectors of man."
We neither use them nor see any use for them,
We are our own weapons.
A mind as sharp as steel,
Impenetrable by any weapon.
A body that's seen only as a fortress,
Of which no man can penetrate.

Our passion and compassion is triggered by our past,
Which looking up, seems more hazy than the morning dew or night sky.
A mark on society,
We can never be destroyed,
And never be forgotten.
Only consumed and exhumed by the treachery we call life.
Engulfed in our emotions,
Our whole being becomes used.
A tool that spreads fear through the souls of all who breathe.

We are endless,
Never broken, yet die in silence all the time.
We are giants in a world that's even bigger than our own.

[Out of all that I have written this one is by far my best!]