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42yrs • F •
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God's child... |
At times I feel like a child sent to school on this earth, away from my parents who created me, missing them, wanting to go home, knowing that eventually I will be taken there, though for now, I have to be here, although not completely certain why, it seems I am here to learn... Finding neutrality in order to survive without being overcome by the pain and sadness felt from this existence is never-ending. Every day, looking at this world and its contents with eyes, knowing that even these eyes are materially bound, seeing layers of material waste, at the same time appreciating the pure substances that which the waste originated from, yet with a constant knowing that even though I am to belong here now, I am not from here, I am not part of this culture, this place that breeds joy in materialism. Realising that although those who do not see beyond the seen may in one respect be fortunate, for they do not know therefore they do not feel the emptiness felt by those seeking more, those who are more aware, by those pilgrims seeking to be held by transcendent arms. For the emptiness is always there, sometimes forgotten, yet never alleviated. Every day, trying to find some happiness, no matter how partial, yet failing to do so for how can one find peace or pleasure in a world so full of corruption and material stench. Almost every faucet of everyday living in this society is pumped with wretched intentions and fine print of every kind. Where is the goodness and equity that should be a norm? Where is the preserving and nurturing of innocence? Why is the divine beauty that is present in all buried under so many layers and layers of and garb? *sigh* I look up at the sky and down to the earth, realising that what lies between is a pool of confusion. All I can do is keep afloat and try to help those I love and care for. Yet there is some hope in a prayer that perhaps there is another like me, for me, searching as I search, hurting as I hurt, smiling as I smile, and that perhaps if Krishna and Shiva permit it then perhaps we may meet, and maybe, in the presence of this other, I may find some solace, a piece of home, a reason to go on and a reason to stay.
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"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."
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