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 39yrs • F •  A CTL of 1 means that Astarte is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.  |
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Solution to the Bushit. Well. Social bushit I enco |
So I'm sick and tired of these people around me that like free love and think sex is more of a physical relief than what I think of it to be, something quite emotional.
I present to you, being the bored, nerdy one that I am, my Sex Contract that will actually be used if some guy tries to pursue me. Because yeah, I'm one serious chick but what a hell of a time you'd have if you kept me around! Muahaha.
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User Agreement and Terms of Service for Sexual Relations with Maha
This User Agreement ( "Agreement" or "User Agreement" ) is a contract between you and Maha, and applies to your relationship with her therein, and any related situations and/or interactions. This Agreement affects your rights and you should read it carefully. I encourage you to print the Agreement by requesting an e-mail from me, or make a copy of this hardcopy for your personal information and reference. For additional information about this relationship and how it works, please also consult Maha personally or request for extra literature that she has written regarding serious relationships and the issue of sexual intercourse within such commitments. In this Agreement, "you" or "your" means any person or entity interested in sexual intercourse with Maha and the pursuit of a serious relationship beforehand. Unless otherwise stated, "Maha," "I" or "me" will refer collectively to Maha and her subsidiaries, affiliates, directors, officers, employees, agents and contractors.
By signing this User Agreement; or by engaging in any sort of sexual relationship with me, you agree to the terms and conditions of this Agreement, my Privacy Policy, and any documents incorporated by reference. You further agree that this User Agreement forms a serious binding contract between you and me, and that this Agreement constitutes "a writing signed by You" under any applicable law or regulation. Any rights not expressly granted herein are reserved by me. This Agreement is subject to change by me without prior notice (unless prior notice is required by law), by posting of the revised Agreement to my website, or sending you a revised Agreement. You may also keep in touch with me about this Agreement and any policy updates you wish to discuss.
I. Your Serious Relationship With Me
By expressing your interest in me and my personality as a whole, you appoint me as a responsibility that will not terminate after any sort of sexual relationship between you and I. On behalf of such a relationship, you agree to the policy, terms and agreements as listed above and in my Privacy Policy regarding the seriousness of our relationship and your intention to engage in sex as a means of strengthening such a bond. By initiating and engaging through this Relationship or continuing your interest in me, you appoint Maha as your agent to obtain your relative interests and thoughts and be the sole provider of support, care and any sexual activity, subject to the terms and restrictions of this Agreement.
II. User Responsibilities
As of January 1, 2004, you must be at least 18 years of age and a heterosexual male to engage in a serious relationship with me, or you will not be eligible for the Terms of this Relationship or any sort of situation that is similar to its context.
1. No Multiple Relationships. Should you pursue a relationship outside of this one between you and I, Maha reserves the right to terminate any invitation of foreplay, sexual intercourse and will restrict you from the system going forward. She will also have the sole right to properly keep such activity on record and notify others so that they will be able to accurately judge your sense of morality and commitment before agreeing to such with yourself.
2. Registration Information. You agree to provide true, accurate and complete information when dating me and will, as time passes by, build a trust that will allow you to express any further information regarding your emotional and psychological wellbeing. You agree not to impersonate any other person or use a name that you are not authorized to use. If any information you provide is untrue, inaccurate, not current, or incomplete, without limiting other remedies, Maha has the right to terminate your use of the Service and Maha, her agents, suppliers, and subcontractors have the right to recover from you any costs or losses incurred as a direct or indirect result of the inaccurate or incomplete information. You authorize Maha, directly or through third parties, to make any inquiries we consider necessary to validate the information you provide regarding your personality, life history, family history, personal ideologies and social history. This may include ordering any work or logs of conversations you may have had in the past or verifying the information you provide against third party databases.
3. Non-U.S. Use. To be eligible for a relationship, you must be a resident of the United States or one of the approved countries listed below:
* Australia
* Canada
* United Kingdom
Maha reserves the right to make exceptions to such a list, but only in the most extreme cases. This list has been devised and upheld as a security measure against men who hold citizenships worth shit and are in pursuit of women that will allow them to gain status in first-power nations such as the ones listed above, by falsely pursuing a serious relationship with intentions of marriage for residency and citizenship reasons only.
4. Prohibited Transactions. You agree that you will not use Maha as a method for illegal products or services, including but not limited to materials that infringe the intellectual property rights of third parties. You will not use the Service, Maha's wellbeing or any of the services offered therein for any unlawful or fraudulent activity. If Maha has reason to believe that you may be engaging in or have engaged in fraudulent, unlawful, or improper activity, including without limitation any violation of any terms and conditions of this Agreement, your access to the Service may be suspended or terminated. In the case of sexual intercourse, you agree that all is fairground except in the case of oral sex, which will not be provided on her behalf because of biological and psychological reasons. For full explanation of such withholds, refer to the Privacy Policy. You will not demand, expect, or provoke any sort of sexual situation which is unhealthy, unwanted, or against my will and you will respect not only me, but yourself, in this emotional bonding.
You will cooperate fully with Me and my affiliates to investigate any suspected unlawful, fraudulent or improper activity, including but not limited to granting authorized representatives "guest" or "member" access to any information that was shared between us. Please refer to the Privacy Policy to understand which information is greatly respected and will not be disclosed out of your rights to such an Agreement.
5. Ending Your Relationship. You may end a serious relationship between you and I at anytime, given there is open communication and attempts to resolve any tension or upsetting matters. Upon the end of our relationship, any future sexual intercourse or activity will be cancelled. You may not use termination of your relationship with me as means to evade an investigation - if an investigation is pending at the time you end your relationship, Maha may continue to hold any terms between herself and you for up to 180 days as appropriate to protect herself against the risk of reversals. If you are later determined to be entitled to some or all of the terms in dispute, Maha will make an additional payment of those funds to you. You will remain liable for all obligations related to your relationship even after such a relationship has ended.
6. Assignability. You may not transfer any rights or obligations you may have under this Agreement without the prior written consent of Maha, including your last-ditch attempts to leave me with your best friend. Maha reserves the right to transfer this Agreement or any right or obligation under this Agreement without your consent.
7. Indemnification. You agree to indemnify and hold Maha, her affiliates, officers, directors and employees harmless from any claim, action, demand, loss, or damages (including attorneys' fees) made or incurred by any third party arising out of or relating to your engagement in serious sexual relations with her. These include psychological and emotional damages that may have incurred as a result of you hurting me, or you doing something extremely stupid that resulted in such losses. Also, I am not at fault if you have other issues in your life at the duration of our serious relationship and if you do not wish to have me help you with them, I will not be liable for their subsequent consequences.
You will also be required to prove your clearance of any sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), also commonly known as sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Furthermore, proper methods of birth control shall and will be discussed before any sort of sexual activity is initiated to ensure that sex actually becomes the rough, good sex or slow, passionate lovemaking it should be without the worry of having children like the Brady Bunch. Should anything go wrong and we are forced to deal with unfortunate situations such as an unexpected pregnancy, you having signed the Agreement will be fully supportive and will continue open and supportive communication with me so that we can make a good choice and still stay strong as two, lost soulmates.
III. Your Rights as a Significant Other and Offered Protection Programs
1. Complaint Policy. Maha and subsequent affiliates have a deep affection and care as has been expressed by you in reading this Agreement and subjecting yourself to its requirements. As a result, any complaint issued by you as a User in such a Relationship will be taken into utmost serious consideration and investigated thoroughly. Should such a complaint lead to valid and accurate points, it will be taken into account and your rights will be honored. To issue a complaint, please be aware that your feelings and intentions will not be disregarded and it is best and proper that you address yourself without worry of what my reaction will be. I honor and prefer open communication, and if all else fails, you may also release your frustration in our relationship with hours of insane, mad and hot sex.
In order to ensure that such a Complaint Policy is fairly issued, please be aware that as part of your responsibilities as a signer of this Agreement include that you do the same and offer the same sort of option for Maha.
2. Fees and Rebates
1. Using your sexual lust as an ATM. Maha charges a glass of wine of Chardonnay fee when you make a lust withdrawal, defined as having an urge to have sex in public places or in a location that requires more thought to make up for the lack of privacy. In addition, ATM transactions may be subject to a surcharge assessed by the terminal owner, such as a fee for a club cover or movie ticket charge. Maha has no control over these surcharge fees.
2. Using your sex drive as payment. There is no fee to use your sex drive to make me feel better or find a way of changing my mood if I am angry at you or if I had an extremely bad day. In addition, if you join Maha's Preferred Rewards Program, you will earn 1.5% of sexual activity back on qualifying sexual drive payments. See the section below for details.
3. Maha's Preferred Rewards /1.5% sexual activity back
i. Purchases that qualify: Maha's Preferred Rewards program provides 1.5% sexual activity back for all sexual drive payments that do not require lust withdrawals. Most transactions do not involve such withdrawals.
ii. Eligibility. To be eligible for Maha's Preferred Rewards, you must complete the following requirements:
1. Obtain and activate a serious relationship with her and keep record of the erotic or extremely sexual moments we share together, in public or otherwise.
2. Have mad sex at least three (3) times in the duration of two weeks to ensure that you are committed and sexually interested in me.
3. Use and come to me only when you have a lust or sexual drive that you need to relieve, because honestly, no one can do it better than me if you see the nymphomaniac in me.
iii. Promotion Period: Maha reserves the right to change the Maha's Preferred Rewards program. She will announce any changes to the program 4 weeks in advance in the Policy Updates section of her website or any discussion that she has with you as routine update of the Agreement.
I agree to the Terms and Services as noted above, and will glady engage in a loving and long term relationship with Maha because I am a gentleman not looking for a piece of ass. I understand that false provision of information will result in her getting hurt, and I do not want that to happen. I also understand that if she does get hurt and cries, she will make me cry and there will be no way around it. But I'm a good guy, and I really want a chance to love her, so I'm signing this damned thing out of care and affection.
_______________________________________________________________________
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Signature of User Date
_______________________________________________________________________
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Signature of Maha or her affiliate(s) Date
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