Forgiveness

"Anyone who has ever been victimized-and that includes victims of crime, accident victims, adult survivors of childhood abuse, political prisoners, and so on-must decide whether or not to forgive the perpetrator. There can be no middle ground to this decision: either you decide to forgive the person who hurt you, or you hold on to bitterness and anger.

Holding on to bitterness and anger can cause problems of their own, so if you have ever been victimized, being able to forgive your victimizer is a crucial part of your healing."

I read this on some website and it really made me think .....

What is forgiveness ? is it just "letting things go", but how do you feel as you let them go ? do they leave a print on your heart ? how long is it there for ?
There is only so much you can take right ? Is there only so much you can forgive ? Are there things that can never be REALLY forgiven ? Or could you let everything go if you really wanted ? Does just DECIDING to forgive someone do it, or do you need more ?
What about asking for forgiveness ? how much does it do ? is it better to ask for forgiveness then to just try to walk over things ? i think it is, so why don't we ? Why do some people never say sorry ?

If you have an answer to any of the questions, please post it ....
thank you and enjoy thinkin

In most cases I can and do forgive pretty easy. Most every time I will forgive once and give the person a second chance. However when you blow that second chance it's extremely hard for me to forgive. 99% time I never forgive a second time. The way I do it the first time is I believe that everyone messes up and deserves a second chance but when they keep repeating their mistakes they obviously don't care about you or they wouldn't keep hurting you the way they are.

Em

what if you love someone ?

Even when it is someone they love be it a family member, friend or a partner they can only take so much. When your love is abused to often you stop being able to forgive. Atleast that is how I am.

Em

so does the 3rd time rule apply to members of the family ? do you forgive them more ?
like do we just tell ourselves : " 1st time let it go, 2nd time well maybe you fucked up again shit happens, 3rd time that's it " or do you think that's just how we are ?
do you believe that people change ?

people rarely change, i agree everyone is entitled to a second chance, but more often then not they mess up again. i dont just say "thats it" tho, ill stick by people no matter how much they screw up. my perception of them definately changes after their second "mishap" and the relationship changes significantly, but i never leave people in the dark or tell them off or anything of that nature.

I have a habit of telling family to go to hell then thinking that they are family and that family is most times all that you have. Yet this being the case I have several family members that I am not real close to and could live without but I will bite my tongue when around and not make them feel unwanted. I distance myself from the family who basically screw me and keep telling me lies.

Em

Forgiveness is a hard thing for most people. Some acts are unforgiveable and others are very easy to forgive. I have been through many situations where I had to decide whether to forgive someone or not and it has always been hard to know if I did the right thing. However, family has not always been there for me and usually family is the hardest to forgive because they have screwed me one too many times.

For a long time I have felt that friends is all someone has. Family doesn't mean anything and won't be there when you need them, but I am starting to learn differently.

I have to admit Sap, in your case family has not always been there for you. I am glad that you are learning differently!!!!!!!

Em

Thanks for the responces guys
i'm happy with you answers because well i think almost the same way
only there is one more thing that i'd wanna get deeper into
you say you decide to forgive someone ....
but after you decide you don't really forgive right away - it takes time
and sometimes people say they forgive someone but they really don't, they just close their eyes on something for a while and then they bring the subject up again ......... i wouldn't call that forgivness
AND there are cases when you decide not to forgive someone, but after a while you're not really mad at them anymore and all you need at that point is for them to say "sorry" and you'd say " don't worry about it " ... and if they don't you're just kinda upset because they didn't but yo're not really mad at them for what they did
what do u think ?

I would agree with you there mia. There are the cases where someone says they forgive but really don't, and the cases where they want to forgive but won't until the other person makes the first move.

If/when I decide to forgive or not to forgive that's the way it is. In many cases with like my family I never or eventually forgive for some things and they know it. Just because I can't forgive for somethings doesn't mean that I won't talk to them for the rest of their lives. Family means more to me than friends. Yet there are some family members that I talk to strictly because of my younger siblings.

Em

I have learned a great lesson on this one. It makes no sense, but it does work. A protestant layleader in the Navy taught me this and I do it all the time.

Pray for your enemy. It will do you a world of good. Trust me, you will stop hating them and you will feel better. They can still be your enemy and you don't have to trust them. But you will no longer have those ill feelings twords them that hurt you.

okcitykid that sounds fun even though it's weird ...

and i have one more question for you guys
what is it that makes you forgive most of the times ?

simply put, life is to short.

Time and space. Just leave me alone, I'll get over it.