Simple Story

I wrote this based on truth and posted the beginning on ubersite.com, here's everything I wanted to see. I encourage more people to post with true and meaningful stories:

A friend of mine, whom I'll refer to as 'John', recently said some scary stuff to me. He's one of these guys who likes to talk...with girls or guys. He's everybody's best friend, he's always there for ya, but he's also really annoying.

I'm a guy, and an emotional one at that. But sometimes John just doensn't respect the boundries of a 'guy-2-guy' friendship. It's always felt a little weird to share the same emotional bond with a guy as I share with my closest girlfriends (both romantic and platonic), but maybe I'm just a little weird like that anyway. Anyway, though it's awkward from my side, it's probably a blessing that John and I are friends.

See, here's the thing. The other day we were chatting, and he said to me that he was slipping back into depression and that he once again felt like life was worthless, he didn't care anymore, blah blah blah...but I've never read John very well. He seems like the type of guy who likes sympathy and gathers it when he can, but he's not usually vain enough to make stuff up like that, so I took him seriously. I must've spent 6 hours on the phone and/or on AIM with him in a period of a couple days. I was worried. Now that I knew, I had a responsibility to this kid to make sure he didn't do something crazy...or so I felt. But there's really no good way to handle a situation like this. Notifying school counselors only starts a futile chain reaction which results in a lot of chaos but no progress. I guess the school has to look like it does something. Anyway, the best thing for this kid (I refer to him as "this kid", though he's got a couple years on me), in my humble opinion, is to tell a parent and get a psychiatrist to help him work through his feelings.

Sometimes, people are put in the role of their friends' shrinks. In the case of a budding relationship, or a schoolboy crush, sometimes we mistake these needs for other things. Seeing it from a completely platonic point of view (because in guy-girl things, theres very rarely 0% 'interest'[oops, sounds like a financial term]), these are not always healthy positions to be in. If both people are suffering from emotional disorders, an extremely unhealthy relationship based on woes can form, which is a breeding ground and an incentive to be unhappy.

I have to say, from the perspective on these situations that I have now, that teenagers have problems, and other teenagers should not try to solve them. Were John in terrible emotional crisis now, or if he gets to be, it is certainly not a situation for me to handle.

Moral: Don't get yourself in a position to be over your head, you'll end up hurting yourself and others.

so it's not really your problem when your friends are depressed ?
and it doesn't hurt your tongue to say "FRIEND" when talking about them if that's the way you feel ?
i always try to talk to people that are feeling down/depressed/confused and try to convince them that everything will be fine and it can't rain all the time, ask them questions that will help them find a way to deal with their problems , make them think straight
when all you do to help your friend is tell his parents ...... what are they gonna do ? ask him to go see a doctor ? well did you think that maybe if he wanted to talk to a doctor or a councelor he'd do that himself ?
read a psychology book or something...........

"how can you profess to know what is best for a manic-depressive?"
how can the author deside that " to tell a parent and get a psychiatrist to help him work through his feelings" is best ?
well the thing is that no one knows what's best for a maic-depressive, not even the psychiatrist. of course they have their own ways of helping people but the same treatment doesn't work out good for EVERYONE
so why doesn't his friend try to help him out, atleast he knows John well and knows his personality ?
and why shouldn't teenagers help their friends solve their problems ?

i agree that in some cases proffecional help is exactly what the person needs but before you tell the person's parents and make your friend go to a psychiatrist you better be sure that you've done everything you could (including trying to talk him into seeing a psychiatrist personally, because that's what a friend would do if he cared)

I think it really depends on the severity of the situation. If it is like depression like he lost his girlfriend, then I think a friend can lend help by just talking through it, but if it a lot of problems that he is facing, and he constantly talks about causing harm to himself, or others and you know that this could be very serious then I think that justifies going bringing in a third party.

If you find it to be serious then you should be a friend and do what is right.

Wow, I'm impressed at the response to my posting. Let's break it down.

MIA-Nowhere in there do I actually step out of the role of an empathic friend. Anything you have read into that is in your own mind, but it doesn't mean I've 'abandoned' him and gone to his parents.

As far as the other posts go...
The idea here is balancing being a good friend and being in over my head.

Let's use an example here, one you brought up. Hypothetically, he gets dumped by his girlfriend. Yes it's depressing, but it's certainly not suicide-worthy. If this is all that's going on, I know that I am in a position to be a good friend. However, if the break up is the end of a long downward spiral of emotions, it's quite likely that the break-up will throw him over the edge. If I know of a long history of depression and an inate distaste for life, then I am no longer equipped to handle the situation.

Also, going to others would certainly not be done behind his back.

Whoever made the comment about bipolar disorder (manic-depression) is simply wrong. This kid has had some problems, but he does not suffer from bipolar disorder. Once again though, I certainly could not be his help to work through an actual mental illness.

I'm afraid that sometimes teenagers confuse angst with actual depression. There are many more depressed kids these days because there's more awareness of it. Counting out the extreme situations, most teenagers who see psychiatrists and/or take anti-depressents probably don't need to. Depression is based on a severe chemical inbalance, and usually has little to do with circumstance. Unless tragedy strikes, balanced kids usually don't fly off the handle and the rest are usually easily picked out.

That's why many other teenagers think they can deal with real psychological problems; lots of times other kids can solve problems because the root of the issue is angst, not a true chemical inbalance. However, when we see a situation that cannot be handled (and most of the time you can tell the difference), you have the obligation to put it in the hands of someone with ability.

quote:

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I certainly could not be his help to work through an actual mental illness.

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I disagree. Speaking as someone who has been diagnosed with Bipolar and someone who is doing all she can to help someone with Bipolar, some times a private person can help with an actual mental illness. Take one of my sisters. She has been diagnosed with Bipolar, been in the hospital and on meds for it. The biggest reason for her illness was her living situation and the way she was raised. I offered her my home and she took me up on. Now though we are along way from having all of the problems solved and mey never have them solved we have made major progress.

What I'm saying is some times you can help as a friend no matter if it's bipolar or not. Yes there's going to be ups and downs, good days and bad days but a person can always help those they care about.

Em