Short Jokes that Make You Smile.

I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost three days already.


i Went to the doctors and said: "Have you got anything for wind?" He gave me a kite............


A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says: "Sorry, we don't serve food in here.".............


A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him to fuck off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."...............


Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The reception was brilliant....................


A man walks into a bar with a roll of Tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road.",,,,,,,,,,,,


I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up and said: "Did you get my drift?".................


I went down to my local supermarket and I said: "I want to make a complaint. This vinegar's got lumps in it". He said: "Those are pickled onions.".........................


I know a guy who called up the Home Shopping Network. They said "Can I help you?" and he said "No, I'm just looking."........................


I knew these Siamese twins. They moved to England, so the other one could drive......................

A blonde attorney.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he was an American chicken and his constitution says he can cross the road if he wants to and not have to explain himself.

I love the jokes where the women gets on the bus with her baby.
Well, there is one short joke that I have here.

" Why is the belly of the penguin is white, whereas the other part of it's body is black?"
It is because it have short hands, and thus it can only wash it's belly and not the other parts of it's body.

After tthe hurricane katreina hit, a white man goes up to a black woman and asks "how many churches were distroyd in the storm?" and the black woman gos " shitt, idk. i eat at popeyes!"