Do you know the difference between a liberal and a conservative?

I seen this this morning thought it was kinda funny? Guess that depends where you are standing...But, wasn't sure where to post it so I went General....


The following was emailed to me this morning. I got a kick out of it.

If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn`t buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn`t eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy.
A liberal wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.

If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a black man or Hispanic are conservative, they see themselves as independently successful.
Their liberal counterparts see themselves as victims in need of government protection.

If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down.

If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced. (Unless it's a foreign religion, of course!)

If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.

If a conservative slips and falls in a store, he gets up, laughs and is embarrassed.
If a liberal slips and falls, he grabs his neck, moans like he's in labor and then sues

Either way , thought I'd share that with everyone!!

This little old lady calls 911. When the operator answers she yells, "Help, send the police to my house right away! There's a damn Democrat on my front porch and he's playing with himself."

"What?" the operator exclaimed. "I said there is a damn Democrat on my front porch playing with himself and he's weird; I don't know him and I'm afraid! Please send the police!" the little old lady repeated.

"Well, now, how do you know he's a Democrat?"

"Because, you damn fool, if it was a Republican, he'd be screwing somebody!"

Ms Lisa, would you call yourself a conservative?

I call myself an observer!

If I were to tell you conservitives are stupid for some reasons, would you get offended?

Why you got a good joke! Why would I be offended? But, here something came across on u tube,,, I love Robin Williams.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=puMz1Q3E000

I was just looking for a conservative to argue with, sorry for the sideways questions.

I say both sides have their pro's and con's. Even I sound a bit one sided most of the time.

If someone owns guns and they aren't necessary, their a practicing conservative
If someone owns guns and they are necessary their intelligent

If a person shops at the store, works with others on projects, works to improve the group as a whole, he's a liberal.
A person who believes he can be his own, carpenter, doctor, lawyer, cook, farmer, tailor, and still have time for his family, their independent.

If someone believes in high standards, inspections and regulations for the product to be sold he's a liberal
If someone hates standards and demands absolute deregulations so they can build a cheaper product to increase profits despite hazards he's a conservative.

If it's to be taught regardless of what side was right, wrong, or in-between, it's liberal.
Ignore all the bad stuff your side did and only praise the good, repeating past mistakes, that's conservative.

If a catastrophe occurs a conservative will seek to profit from it.
A liberal will seek a way to lessen the damage next time or prevent it.

A conservative rises to power, next step is to wage war to make sure their remembered in history.
A liberal rises to power, they pushes programs to help his people, regardless if their remembered.

A conservative will make sure his military is a force to be reckoned with.
A liberal will favor diplomacy and understanding.

GEORGE BUSH:
'You're either with us or against us'
GEORGE WASHINGTON:
As Mankind becomes more liberal, they will be more apt to allow that all those who conduct themselves as worthy members of the community are equally entitled to the protections of civil government. I hope ever to see America among the foremost nations of justice and liberality.

A conservative will take caution at introducing new technology too quickly.
A liberal will seek to give it to the world as fast as possible.

A conservative believes in a religion and knows it's right no matter what.
A liberal will accept that what he knows may be wrong, just like every other scientist in the past.

A conservative will say, 'Because God made it that way.' And accept that the sky is blue.
A liberal will use the scientific method in, observing, gather data, hypothesize, test, analyze, communicate findings with others, rinse and repeat until most correct answer is found. Discover that the sky is blue because of the oxygen atom is in fact blue, then attempt to utilize this newfound knowledge.

A conservative will yell, 'Blasphemy!' at someone who doesn't believe in what they believe in. shuts their ears and sticks to their guns.
A liberal will ask why others think the way they do, then go back to using the scientific method and search for logic.

A mugger appears and the conservative will shoot to kill.
A liberal will attempt to negotiate or deal with the situation.

I couldn't just leave this be. So here is my effort to educate, every time i see such ignorant remarks from one side to another my head hurts. But I know it's probably not your fault, just the fault of your teachers.

Also, I recomend taking this test

http://www.politicalcompass.org/test
then going to this forum and posting

http://www.captaincynic.com/thread/27992/political-compass.htm

Let me know if something doesn't seem right. As this is the best way I have come up with to describe the two main American parties.

A conservative
Knows a little about a lot and a lot about a little, typically a generalist
Sticks to their guns and changes slowly
What's good for the individual is best for the group
Have a gun and not need it is better than needing it when you don't have it
Believes their religion should be heavily intertwined with their government
Donates, time, money, anything extra they don't need
Power to few

Pros
Power is in the hands of the few, when war must be made, the decision is quick. A group of people with a single belief tends to feel more devoted toward each other than a group with many cultures. Force is applied quick sometimes the effect, shoot first ask questions later is the motto. Typically people will always agree with each other on the basis that, they have the same opinion and viewpoint. This means actions can be taken, even if it may be the wrong course.
People here will donate time and money to what they believe in or to promote their belief. If a homeless shelter is being built, you will know who built it. Organization and stability are cornerstones in this system and often can accomplish tasks that are familiar. If a plane needs to be built, it will be done fast, though it may be a dated design, it will be reliable.
Individuals will tend to study a variety of subjects to be as self sufficient as possible. This person will work on his car, do his own plumbing, study his own contracts, be his own doctor as well as his profession. When stuck on their own, they can easily fend for themselves as they are normally prepared to be on their own.

Cons
When the power is in the hands of a few, it's easy to desire keeping such power. Sometimes people have the same belief because those who don't share the same opinion are taken care of in one way or another to keep a stabilized society. Also friends who agree are friends indeed. Prejudice is typical to anyone who doesn't share the same belief.
Because people often donate their time and money it may not be as efficient as someone managing the funds. Over spending and under spending on projects are bound to happen as it takes representatives to go out and gather donations for projects, some may be more successful than others despite the need of such projects.
Individuals tend to be stretched and never fully reach maximum potential. This as well as the added strain of constant studying so many topics and handling everything, they have less time with family, socializing and friends. This way of life tends to be strict with less personal character in order to be capable of such a daunting task of being fully self sufficient.

A liberal
Chooses to specialize in one field of knowledge and master it, more dependent on others
New discoveries should be implemented fast
What's best for the group should be good for the individual
Avoids violence when possible
Separates beliefs from government when possible
Let those that govern and use taxes to utilize taxes to deal with issues and matters
Distribute the power


Pros
Effort will be made to ensure all voices are heard and votes are counted. As the belief is to distribute power to the people, everyone's voice must be heard in order to figure out where the power and effort should go. This can slow things down as being politically correct as well as dealing with diversity without infringing on others consumes time and resources. People tend to trust one another in that if there is a problem, its taken care of by someone else, which is generally true if the current government is well managed.
People here will master a subject. Hang out with individuals that deal with the same topic and collaborate accordingly. Every concept and understanding in this field will be discussed, talked about and debated as differences in opinion or perspective are welcome.
Individuals typically are the most diverse as people tend to pursue their job to obsession. Appearances typically describe this person to what they do and who they are, as it will be very different from one another. Trust is given to those that are practitioners of the profession as they won't pursue too deeply in other fields. This however allows people to work less overall and spend more time socializing and being with friends and family, whatever that random activity will be.

Cons
Agreeing on even the minutest detail may be painful as openness and power distribution bog things down. Without a doubt the most sluggish of governments to make a single decision until it is perfected to the letter. Arguments and debates will be constant until everyone agrees on the answer. For some issues this is necessary, others could take far longer than the worth of the decision. Building a plane for example would take a great deal of research and development for designs and tests, and a lot of money. However once that plane is built, you could expect it to be top of the line, if it's ever built.
People can be oblivious due to the tunnel vision that tends to grow from this culture. Why would a doctor stop to pick up trash by the street when someone already is being paid to keep the streets clean? If there is ever something that needs to be done, a job is created by the government to handle it, however overkill can occur as the standards will be high.
Common sense will be scarce as everyone focuses on one task to master. These people will be the most dependant on other trained individuals as something as simple as de-clogging a toilet may be difficult to understand (remember he may not have ever seen a plunger) fooling these individuals in a subject they never studied is easy due to the lack of understanding or care for that matter in that field. Auto mechanics are a great example of how easily it is to doup someone for large sums of money, for little or no work, due to the lack of understanding of the owner. In this system, if the proper government is not in place, scams and ripping others off will be common place as each specialist may see themselves as contributing more than others, despite the pure synergy involved in the society.