Asexuality

Blah I had to post this in religion because it's the only place you can post videos pretty much

I recently discovered the term "asexual" (as a sexual orientation) while searching for answers about my own problems with sex. I don't believe it exists naturally. From what I've read on a couple asexual forums I've found some sub-groups among these people.

1. The cutters - http://community.livejournal.com/asexuality/598309.html

I knew a girl like this at college and she was also a virgin although I never heard her identify herself as asexual.

2. The fearful - people who have sexual fantasies about intimacy with other people but get extremely nervous when engaging or about to engage in sex with another person.

I fall into this category.

3. The dissenters (I know that's a terrible name but I couldn't think of anything else ) - These people have extremely strange fantasies (at least by my standards) that give them sexual arousal. These people find sex literally gross. Some are turned on by people in Victorian bathing suits, conversations between fictional characters, and having clothed people doused with water or mud. http://community.livejournal.com/asexuality/601148.html (go down 2 posts to "pyromancer"'s post)

There could be more but this is what I have discovered so far. Also any "asexual" can be a mix of all of these - people don't seem to fall into clean cut categories here.

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Below I've found a video of an asexual talking about asexuality. Notice how the video just reeks of boredom - like she doesn't have much life-force in her. I also detect a deep sorrow in there somewhere - call me out if you think I'm wrong.

Also notice how she's 30 but she dresses like she's a teenager.

I'm beginning to think that sex is a very important part of our overall well-being. I also think that all of these people who identify themselves as asexual are running from deeply rooted problems and find solace in this community of denial.

What do you guys think?

It's good to know that it's a common issue with some people, i always thought that it's something you have to fight against.
Uptill two years ago i was making an effort to have sexual relationships even if i didn't feel like it...well my bf was so high in libido, ( thats what he pretended anyway), he always used to reproach me for having no fantasies etc etc. At the time we broke up i had maybe 2 sexual encounters then i stopped cause i really didn't want to sleep with someone, it meant nothing to me and it still doesn't. I don't think it's a problem, it's just got to be the right moment and the right person. Those last two years i felt that i grew up all over again and i still didn't reach adulthood I want to be completely aware of what i'm doing and why i'm doing it.

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Those last two years i felt that i grew up all over again and i still didn't reach adulthood

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That's interesting. So a quest for your sexual identity made it feel like you were growing up all over again? Can you elaborate more on this? because I think you could be on to something.

I want to make it clear that I don't believe that people are born asexual and I don't think it's natural. I think these people have deep rooted problems that prevent them from freely enjoying sexual intimacy.

hmmm it is not a quest for my sexual identity, maybe at the bottom line it is but i never thought of it that way. two years ago i reached the culminative point of chaos and boum i lived it as a complete destruction of who i am. In a way i felt that i am back at the beginning of the road picking up the right pieces ( before i used to pick up anything and call it my own) now i know what i want, i know what i need...at least more than before. It feels like giving my soul a skin, finding the capacity to contain my person. now this is far off topic but i'm getting there i think, what i mean to say is that i still didn't come to that point where i have to face my sexuality in vivo. Ouf if i'm going to face that i'm going to have a lot of trouble cause first i badly integrate my feminity, i always felt like a person with no sex, it shows that even in my paintings...the characters that i paint which are generaly "females" are more angelic creatures as in having no sex. If i'm going to think this in a Jungian way, this conception of sexuality would be that of an archetype. So there is something in our collective subconscious something known as asexual..
people are not born asexual, but the embryo is asexual no? and that's the beginning of life.

So you identify as being asexual?

My offfhand question here is...

"Do those who consider themselves, or defines asexuality, as asexual, still feel sexual?"

This is similar to the questions of those who consider homosexuality unatural.

Is masturbation, oral sex, manual (or hand) sex, anal (or sodomy) unnatural?

This is where I lean towards Chris' point, sexuality, when hindered in any form, is more unnatural than any form of sexuality.

Not to put words in peiople's mouths.

This is but how I feel.

Though I find this particular topic fascinating.

Just to throw out there a point of my own hinderance towards my own sexual nature, my having an average penis at best has actually been a very sore subject for me.

In many regards it is actually a high average, but because it is not something of any notable significance, other than in respect to average or small, and in comparison to that which is large and or preferred, it has been of a strange degree of detriment to me in many ways.

Including relationships in general.

Part of this, just to elaborate regardless of anyone's desire to hear it, is because my dad and even his brother, my uncle, were monsters in this sense.

Oddly enough, I am acutally quite lucky that I did not suffer my cousins fate, perhaps my uncle was the true or ultimate monster, he certainly was in terms of physique, nearly a mister olympia of some sort.

But my cousin ended up with a non decended testicle and a exceptionally, and unfortunately, undeveloped or small penis, to the last of my knowledge, to which I honeslty hope to find I'm wrong, for his sake.

Apparently our fathers hogged all the meat.

But as strange as I turned out, in respects directly related, my cousin was nearly, if not, psychotic.

The circle of sexual dysfunction within my family does indeed make for an interesting tale, of which I have yet to fully understand or come to terms with.

None the less, it has created quite the chasms within my family as well, to the point that I have next to no one who will call me family.

An interesting point to me given that I have taken this community as a form of family in many respects, but like much of my associations up to this point have had a complete overhauling and re-evaluation.

Those which I hold in any false or manufactured regard, and vice versa, have recently been destroyed or tested to their true cores.

All for the best as far as I'm concered.

Giving all involved the opportunity to face reality in so many different respects, and truly come to terms with it, it being reality and our place and associations and relations with or to it.

For this very notion, I again give thanks to the internet and sites such as these for my, and others', opportunities to do just such things.

Thanks for sharing part of your story Ironwood. And by the way, I think is one of the most condensed and thoughtful posts I have ever seen you write.

Is that like dividing like the X do on Metroid Fusion?

I made epic studies of that game for nearly three years!

(Grabs gameboy and plays more)

KAPOWIEE!

Being asexual is a confusing path people take I can't understand really why people go through life with no sexual attraction or any sexual activity its a natural part of our day to day lives. It could even be classed as a crime against nature seeing as you've been given this body to use and do what you see fit with and your not using it to its full potential it can't be a fullfilling lifestyle for people. Chris D you are very right she seems to lack a will to say things or even do anything with herself and there is a hint of sorrow in her voice almost like she's lost something.

I couldn't do this myself and I find it hard to understand peoples reason for this as I have said before its just so confusing.

right now yes, i'm asexual pfft i'm just human. i do get attracted to men once in a while but when i start thinking about the whole thing it just turns me off, this may just be neurosis.

Maybe its just bad experiences or current mental issues or maybe its just a birth thing

agree, maybe it's just bad experiences, goddamit it was one. that i didn't get over it, i died in it, at least my sexuality did.

Thats probably why then at least now its starting to make some sense

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agree, maybe it's just bad experiences, goddamit it was one. that i didn't get over it, i died in it, at least my sexuality did.

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What was the experience if you don't mind me asking? Also if you don't feel comfortable talking about it in public you can feel free to pm me. I'm searching anywhere I can find for clues to my own hang-ups.

By the way I like the picture you chose for your new avatar. The colors are nice.

Ok where do I start? I think I'm going to start from the beginning. Woohoo! Boo :@

The tender age: not that innocent.
I never was the girlish type...I grew up with my two cousins(boys) and we used to play feisty violent games...I never was the doll type; I discovered the doll at 9 years old but the games I used to play with them were of sexual content. I got to point out that I never had a room, I used to sleep in the middle of my dad and mom...imagine the things I saw while they thought I was asleep :S ( Freudian original scene complex). While I saw my parents having sex I thought of it as an interesting violent act where the woman held the position of the one being submissive, as if she didn't really want it (cause she used to have these painful moans like any other woman) and my dad used to go up and down in silence as if he was absorbed in all his entity by the inside of my mother...but back then I didn't know that there was an inside but I suspected something mysterious and out of the ordinary human contact going on...something that I wasn't meant to find out.
Now back to daylight. My cousins were really the kind of 'Denis the Malice'. They used to live right next door to my home at my grandpa's place. Right down the house there was a home gallery (furniture and stuff) that the owner used to display the items on the sidewalk...so what my cousins used to do was piss on those furniture's from an opening in the wall of the balcony (we used to live on second floor). This scene (seeing my cousins hang down their penis and piss on someone else's belonging) made me always wish that I had a penis myself cause it was a fun and evil thing to have. I believe in the Oedipus complex cause I really always wanted a male sexual organ.
I also had this boy neighbor on my floor, his name was Hagopig, his real name was Hagop but I used to cuddle his name up cause he was one way or another my boyfriend, my friend, my enemy, my laughing stock etc etc. We used to imagine things together and play those imaginations; he used to pretend that he was Michal Jackson and I used to pretend that I was Janet Jackson...we used to kiss on the mouth and touch our private places. In the virtual lane this would be incest but never mind M. Jackson is already a pedophile so no harm done XD. At this age I was sexually active, more than the usual... I used to masturbate by wearing my mother's cloth while she was out and rub my body against the wall...I used to make love to a wall :O. Once I got this Manga erotic magazine from the duty free section in the airport but my parents didn't suspect anything they just took a look at the cover which had a blue haired girl on it and they bought it for me . I imitated the contents of the magazine with this neighbor but my mom caught us so I zipped up my overall and hid in the corner. I was still in children cloth. These events took place between the age of 5 till 7 years old, after that there was the civil war in Lebanon and my cousins moved out from the building because it was a center for the snipers and a lodging place for the soldiers. I'll continue what happened during the war in the second post. It's going to take a while to tell the entire story that edified my sexual personality. All I can tell is the course of events, I don't know how they affected me or what they mean on a conceptual level...maybe you could help me out.