It was better left in the dark. - Page 2

Is there an escape? I saw the broken light and asked why it was like that, oh, it broke, and i saw how he looked so tired, so exhausted, and now he has this fucking broken light on his mind too. A lamp without its shade replaced it. This broken light symbolises everything, I saw my whole life in this damn light, never complete, just about there, pretends to be a light but isnt really, its just a mass of wires and glass, what is light? an electromagnetic beam..? hey somebody smart tell me... no dont, asshole i dont want to know. Purety, me? I think not. I dont believe there is an escape, I will never get out, they didnt, Can i move away perhaps? Do i have the money... do i have the will.. the strength... the desire? I dont think there is an escape, because its too inbuilt, its part of me, it is me. The problem isnt the light, it is not the lack of money, the mess, the noise, the shattering of glass, the problem is.... Well dont ask me, Im not sure, you wouldnt have got this far, so you couldnt tell me either.

It doesnt matter sometimes. At times i do rest my head against anything solid and get lost in my thoughts, intentionally. In this world i create it doesnt haunt me that money is nearly non existant, that i have the flaws i do, that I am dependant upon somebody, it doesnt dig into my skin that people are dying in Burma, and the fuckin government is going tory, jesus tory because Labour did exactly what Jimbooby mentioned about past civilisations, cracks between the same skin.. so where was I? Its not important, they are saying on newsround that Burma needs more aid.

My breaking heart and I agree
That you and I could never be
So with my best, my very best
I set you free

I wish you shelter from the storm
A cozy fire to keep you warm
But most of all
When snowflakes fall
I wish you love

I wish you shelter from the storm
A cozy fire to keep you warm
But most of all
When snowflakes fall
I wish you love

I found this as a translation of a french song on youtube and i didnt like the song; the singing but i thought this was beautiful. Its like he says that our love cannot be and my heart is breaking but i'll set you free, ill let you leave as it should be but its such real love he must feel for her as he still wishes her love and does not become consumed and blinded by his potential jealousy.

very powerful. very touching. Full of Love. sad as hell.

I have realised that I hold the culture of my people in ways i didnt even know. I adjust my actions because of the effect it will have on the immediate people around me, and now ive realised that the pakistani culture isnt perfect, but its damn selfless. Its speaks not of the individual but the wider circle, and yeah it hurts but its inbuilt in me now, i took that eyebrow piercing out 6 hours later before my mum saw it just because i knew what effect it would have on my siblings. I can be called a fool all my life, that ive wasted my teens, yeah well i havent, ive learnt, loved, had fun, i dont need the booze, the sex, i can do that when im older if i want to. Why is it that im constantly being bombareded with these damn images from the TV, of drugs and sex, and i think ive missed out. Well i havent, when i was thirteen i spent my time climbin trees, that carried on till last year, sound like a monkey now.. i lived and enjoyed what I had, and what i had was great. i lived and learnt and its time to stop thinking the grass is greener on the other side because its gone now, they built a new shopping mall over the grass on the other side so why lust over it?

Deferred gratification my fuckin ass.. is that what you think this is.. waitin.. all our fuckin life we gna be waiting.. for what


STUDY. STUDY. STUDY.. LOOK for WORK THEN SMOKE A LIL AND DIE... haha U MOTHERFUCKER U.
There is nothing to live for.. is there?

"Why is it that im constantly being bombareded with these damn images from the TV, of drugs and sex, and i think ive missed out."

So true!

"Deferred gratification my fuckin ass.. is that what you think this is.. waitin.. all our fuckin life we gna be waiting.. for what


STUDY. STUDY. STUDY.. LOOK for WORK THEN SMOKE A LIL AND DIE... haha U MOTHERFUCKER U.
There is nothing to live for.. is there?"

"20 years of schoolin' and they put ya' on the day-shift" - Bob Dylan

p.s.
This is a really great thread.

It was so hot and I could feel sweat on my neck and back... i looked at my shirt and saw that i could see the shape of my bra through it and then sat down on the pavement of my road, held my head in my hands and thought I cannot do this. I cannot leave my comfort zone, black dress above my knees, grey trousers and trainers.. and this head covering. It has become almost part of my body, seven years for fucks sake ive worn it, so why is it that on this average day, 9th of June 2008, i felt like it was strangeling me, why did i feel like it came to life and i could feel its sick perverted hands all over me, why did that happen all of a sudden? Why did i not care anymore? I just opened it, pulled it off my head, opened the hat i wore underneath and set loose my hair so that the sun slammed its weight against it, creating an effect only i saw in a dirty car window, my hair falling as it always does, beautifully around my shoulders.
Who am I? Or what have I become?

I have no idea who it was because it wasnt the scared, nervous, guilt ridden me, it was someone else, somebody who lived without a worry, without a care.. who enjoyed the cold of the wind against her neck, and i truely felt alive... i was a nobody amongst the masses of London but I had finally conquered myself, I set myself free.
It lasted for 3 hours, it was enough. I know what I want.
I want so much more and Im not going to feel guilty for it anymore.

I wish you peaceful dreams ChrisD.

I can just listen to your words and I feel like I know exactly how you feel. This last one was particularly real to me.

Peaceful dreams to you too!

Why is that Chris?
What is it about this last one that made it seem more real to you.. what did you see or feel?

Peace.

Today may be the last day you refer to me as a beautiful princess in Italian. I have nobody to blame but myself for falling in love with you when i said I would not. Im sorry baby, I had to let you go, i hope you find another bonnie lassie and that she gives you everything that I could not, and in time you will forgive me. And Im sorry I deny myself so much, and Im sorry that you will not know how i feel when im alone, within my thoughts and how you have taken over every part of my life, and the powerful effect you had on me. How i dream of you, how i write your name upon my arm without realising it, how i watched sweaty men run around for 90 mins because i knew you would be doing the same thing.. how i cant stop thinking about you, how its only been 3 and a half hours but Im already missing you so severly that I want to lie in bed and not be able to think anymore.
How much I worry about your safety and happiness.. all I want is good for you.. Nobody can tell me I dont love you, not even me, not even her, she doesnt know a thing, she hasnt fall in love with a single male in her life.. my heart is so much more in need of the love.. its why i do this, but I shouldnt, I wont again. not for now.

Soon this infatuation will be over, Im waiting until everything does not link to you.. all I can do is wait... I will love again and so will you, you are so sweet, with your affectionate words you love so easily.. Sorry I dont have the courage to tell you all this.

Goodbye.

Enjoy the match my Rose, soon you will forget the asian girl from London you loved so so much.

"Why is that Chris?
What is it about this last one that made it seem more real to you.. what did you see or feel? "

I'm not sure really. It's like I had a memory of my own that felt perfectly suited to it and while reading your post I was taken back to it, reliving it in a way.

An example of the endless cruelty of life lies in the story of the thirsty desert man who cared for nothing but the stars, He touched water with the edges of his fingers but deaths violent touch stopped him raising it to his lips.
A great tragedy it was, but the stars did not weep.

Now I have no religion, i have no law, i have nothing that i value left, but a sense of pleasure and raw instinct.
I want to be rid of you, of your filthy words, and your dark skin. I want to be rid of the guilt you try to instil in me, of the anger you create within me, of all this pain and fury.

I want to be set free, i want, i just want absolution.

My chest aches as I sit here, and the inside of my throat must be bruised to feel like this.
I brought it upon myself, I became a fool to love when I couldnt afford to. She took my love and transformed it into a vulgar, dirty state of emotion based upon just a single sides sexual needs. Is that what you see my emotions as? As an eighteen year old itch? as disgusting as that may sound to all of you.

Yeah maybe that is what it is, forgive me for being human, forgive me for seeking comfort, touch and appreciation. I certainly dont receive any of it from you. Dad refused to hug me when i tried, i tried for half an hour, but he did it to show me that he wont accept the way I am, i guess it is my fault, entirely mine. And you call me naive, foolish, and selfish, yes maybe I am. Maybe I really am.

I said I'll change and it wasnt enough, it has to be done, I must change my ways...

I must change my dress code, my beliefs, my attitude, who I speak to, what I speak about, before.. before what?
Before you stop hitting me, before you stop ignoring me, before you start loving me more, before I make you proud? Before you stop seeing me as a dirty slut for the things I could do, but havent?

It may sound like Im selfish but Allah, how can I be any other way?
I am just myself, its all I encompass, me and my feelings, your passions and desires are your own and mine are mine.. why want them to intermix so often?

He was the only one who made me feel worthy, and beautiful, but if i must give up that in exchange for peace and my education then I will, even if it leaves me feeling empty once again. I hope Im strong enough to give it up this time because last time I was so weak before my emotions.

It was sweet while it lasted.

I know you say I should change, but somethings are just too much to ask from a woman. That is what I am. Im not a child anymore, I feel the way a woman does, accept it.