RE: pumpkinlove

Hello pumpkinlove. I do appreciate your criticism but it does me little good if you dont elaborate a little. You say taht I am boring and expceted. If you could site a few lines and the meaning you think is behind them and if you could speak of a piece directly I would relly appreciate it.

yeah first of all why is this under general... anyway your poems are like linkin park songs. you know what theyre going to sing about.. what chords they r going to use and what trendy look theyll be sporting. theres almost no life observance or feeling other than the blah trying too hard crap

Fair enough. THough my poetry is not meant to be intelligent nor persuasive. It is only the way I felt at the time something happend. IT is more of an exploration of human nature and it is used mainly for venting pourposes. I would like to let you know though, that I do ot try at allw hen writing. I sit down and start typing. When its done I dont read over it, I make a title that fits the felling I have and post it. The last poem I posted was about the poeple taht I lived with when I was homeless. They got some mail for me and called me to give it to me. Now, what pissed me off about this so much was that I was involved in a court case awhile ago and they told their son that I desereved to be imprisoned for a very long time and they didnt know the slightest thing about what happend. They claim to be christian yet they act in a very non christian manner. The words that I wrote are exactly what I was feeling word for word. Many of mmy poems are not poems at all and just words that I say to myself written in stanza. Maybe thats why you think I try to hard. Because lately when I write a "poem" its more just words im saying.

thanks decius. uhm yeah well i am not picking a fight with you. i write also and its honestly a passion but still very difficult to say what you feel in the "right " words. . im just saying that sometimes you just arent impressed as much cause its the same old stuff from people thinking theyre being unique. like i said no offense .

yeah man write in a notebook... put it away for a few weeks and change a few words. <3

quote:

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your poems are like linkin park songs. you know what theyre going to sing about.. what chords they r going to use and what trendy look theyll be sporting.

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what is the problem with consistancy,or theme?there is consistancy and theme in everything that everyone does.why take a shot a linkin park only?why not country music?or rap?or emo?or Toby Keith?or Eminem?or Panic at the Disco?there is consistancy in all of their stuff.i use it in my poems.and if you are trying to be constructively critique,which i dont think you are,try not using such a hostile tone.and if you are not,then all of our posts were a waste of time

ok all of my posts are not a waste.. thats going a little far... uhm it was the first band that came to mind. and im just an abrasive kind of person who really means no harm. well consistency is good in a lot of things... its shows you personal style... and that youre stable.. stability is nice.

i think that what i was trying to say is that to be a good poet you need to keep your audience surprised and wowed or else theyll end up skimming over everything

i meant all of the posts in this thread.sorry.i should have been more clear.

i know that it wasent my stuff,but i actually got piss at your first post on this thread.you came off as a real bitch.but using the tone you just did makes people think of your critisizm differently.positively

I feel the need to apoligize. I admit that I was defending myself for no reason and that I was justifying your critisim as not mattering in an attempt to not get my feelings hurt.

Originally I wrote a lengthy post disecting one of my poems. I don't think that a large part of the poetry I write is good. And Decius, you are write in saying that I am trying to reach to people. But, in the sense that I need to buy a notebook, at one point in time I realized that I wasnt writing this for anyone in particular so I started writing in a notebook. It felt somewhat pointless considering that I was already fully developing my thoughts and that writing them down jst for myself seemed a bit redundant. Also, I sometimes find comfort in sitting down at a computer and writing my thoughts for others to see. So I must admit that it DOES matter what others think. I think that what I was trying to get across was that I know that you find it boring because its is simple and lacks a real power of words. I just disagreed.

Mail

If I am so dispensable
Why even bother pretending?
I understand that you're self centered
But there must be a reason for the effort.
The effort is accelerated by motive
The motive must be in place for a reason...

Do they exist with out reason?
Does anything exist with out reason?

Perhaps... But I doubt it lives as long as you.

And the reason is
You know that it is the right thing to do.
So you do it.

Fucking Christians.

This is the last poem I posted.

I dont find this boring or expected. The reason I do not find it expected is because this poem is about a particular instance and a particular feeling I got from that particular instance. The first line, if I am so dispensible. That is in no way about a girl. It is about a family that took me in when I was in trouble and then didnt care if I was sentenced to prison for the rest of my life... Im just not sure how you could "expect" the remark that they think that I am dispensible.

Further more, my question in asking why they attempt to pretend that they care is directed towards a general theme of how many people pretend that they care and dont really. I noticed that many trends in society are true in the trends of the poeple that I knwo, and I was simply asking, to them, why they pretend. Maybe this would have been a little more creative. Perhaps a more creative way to go about writing those two lines would be to find something that is despensible and write about it and how it was abandoned. But as I said before, I am not trying to be creative. But I AM trying to connect with people... I keep asking myself where im going with this....

I just re-read that... I honestly dont see a shread of plain in it rather than the simple words ive used.. I mean, it does hurt my feelings that you would judge it in harsh words as you did, but I think what I want is you to anylize this and defend your claims because im trying to defend myself and I dont know where to start. Now, I know that it shouldnt matter in defending myself, but because it did hurt my feelings I feel the need. Im sure that feeling is there because I do wish to connect with people and my first opinion on this was that you felt the need to say something becasue I ended with fucking christians. Thats another thing that I dont thinkt hat you could have possibly been expecting, but apparently I dont understand what you meant so I am asking you to clearify what you meant, and I am asking you to relate your claims to something I have written. Now, there is a lot of bad stuff in this thread that I get embarrsed abotu when I read, but some of it I am proud of. SO, for the sake of this argument, of you could anylize the last one I posted I would appreciate it.

I do admit that my insecurities blocked me from being honest in my last post in this thread and I apologize. But because YOU came off so harshly I felt that anything that I would try to get out of you wouldnt work.

Now that I believe you see that you were being mean, perhaps you could help me as i clearly need. Keep in mind that I admit that a lot of this stuff is bad, and although I did write it for a venting porpus, I wanted people to understand why I was upset, thus I posted it in a furom. I believe that the last peom was written in a way that poeple would understand why I was upset, or at least have a good idea. You disagree and I want to know why, in order to better myself.

Thank you Decius, though you are an ass hole at times, you do help me with humility.

I think Awakened is pretty cool to have opened a dialogue asking for constructive criticism when somebody tells him his work is lame.

And Decius is right. He did try to defend himself eventhough he put himself in the position to take what was said.

But, its natural instinct to try and defend yourself. Especially when things close to your heart, and your personal thoughts are being scrutinized. Once again, good on you Awakened for seeing this and accepting it.

Now, for the constructive critism part.

I dont think that the criticism about Awakend's work is very clear, and therefore constructive at all.

Saying its like Linkin Park could be a compliment to some people. If I was fan I would be happy to be compared to them.

But saying it is predictable is even more vague. Can you predict what his next piece will be? After reading Awakends work, do you know how his mind works now?

It's like saying you predict he's going to write about his feelings. And you predict it's going to be angsty.

What Awakened is giving you, is the opportunity to really look at his work, and tell him where you think he's going wrong on a deep level; and he will take that into consideration and use it to improve his work.

So far, I dont think you have gotten what he's asking.

Tell him what inspired you to post your dislike of his work. But on a deeper level. Don't compare it to something which can be construed as a compliment, and does not in any way reflect his poetry/prose.

And don't say it's predictable, since most artists work is the same. It's what makes them who they are. It's what keeps fans buying their work. (Be it art, music movies, literature etc.) Usually when they change, their fans say they sold out or they no longer like them.

What makes the pieces in awakend's thread what they are, is that they are honest introspectives of a young man's life. They are raw, and they are his feelings. Prose/ poetry is usually about our inner feelings. And it's usually full of angst. So it's hard for him to not sound predictable at 18 years of age experiencing what everyone else is going through.

Alot of people like his work. Some prolly dont. That's ok if you dont.

But since you have the opportunity to actually tell him what you think sucks, I think you should take advantage of that, and be more detailed. Most people will tell you to fuck off if you dont like their artistic expression.

yeah the work is bad. get over it and its consistently bad. not good. im a vague person so deal

Pumpkinlove, no one on this site will ever respect you because of the way you chose to reply to me. Congratulations. Please lock this thread.

awakenwrath

Um I am new I had an account before, but I was wondering if you would email me some of your poetry. I love poetry and I have an incredibly awesome eye and heart for it.
Thank you.