plz read this i really need help

hello i am sick of my mother bullshit she say i cant go out to c my friends and when i ask her y she says im not disscusing this with u she looks at me as a kid even tho i help her pay bills and do all the house work my self "how can i get her to reconize me as a indipendent teen?"

lol you need to stand up to her then. Since you supposedly help pay the bills, I guess you could use that as some kind of leverage. What, is she going to kick you out if you don't listen? then she won't get her bills paid.

If you want independence from a strict parent, you have to take it and prove it to her.

this may or may not be an exaggeration on your part though, of course. please explain a little more.

I think perhaps you need to give a liitle more information about your situation, for example, why aren't you in school? Did you have problems there? Is your dad around or is your mum on her own and do you have younger brothers or sisters?

Have you done something silly that has dented her trust in you as a responsible young adult? Drugs? Trouble with gangs or police in some way? Or is it just that there is something between you and your mum that needs to be aired?

Do you love your mum? Has she loved you and brought you up with everything you need, food, clothes, nice things on your birthdays? Has she been there for you during illness? Or does she just continuinly throw negative stuff at you?

Perhaps if you give us more to go on we could all offer you some better advice.

I do feel for you, its hard when you are becoming an adult for your parent who has loved you as a child to see you as an independent, person with thoughts and ideals yourself. But it does take some calm discussions on both sides to see where the relationship has broken down.

my dad left when i was 4 and my mom has had bf after bf and she is not trying to get re married.............. my granddad had surgey on his back so he couldent do anything and my grandma cant be by herself so my aunts went to go watch her while my mom thoght her bf was more important then that and she left me and my grandmas for a week when she said she was going to be back...... sometimes i just want to leave.... when im at school is when i feel my best and thats the only place.......maybe she is trying to get a bf with money idk wat do u think? plz write back i need the help

You sound very unhappy and I really feel you need to pluck up the courage to talk to your mum about how you are feeling,
Can you talk to your aunts or grandparents about how you are feeling? What about your teachers and school friends?

You can't go on feeling unhappy and like you are unloved.
I'm sure you must have friends that care about you and can give you a well needed boost of confidence. Can you stay with a relative or friend for a while? Maybe if you left your mum to it for a week or two you could both get some space to think things through.

If I was you I would write down how you are feeling, make a copy and give one to her. That way its down in black and white and unlike just saying it, it can't just blow away in the wind. Do you know what I mean?

It is good to ask for advice on forums like these because it may give you another perspective, but you need to talk to the people in your life that are right there involved in what you are going through. Maybe a school councilor or local priest or rabi (someone independent of family and friends but close to home) could sit and listen to how you are feeling.

Don't be alone, don't let your feelings sit and fester, best to get it all out in the open and then maybe you and your mum could be close again.

"communicate don't suffocate!"

I agree with sorceress all the way. If things are that hard, you gotta keep some kind of family ties. I know exactly where you're coming from when you explain the story a little better. My dad left even before I was born and she just going from boyfriend to boyfriend, so I basically had to do and learn everything on my own..and what's amazing is I don't see how she can't see you as independent because you're doing it right now and she doesn't even realize it.

The way I did it was I had a real heart to heart talk with my mom and told her what I thought was going on and how much I needed her at that time. I told her 'your kids come before anyone else in your life, especially if you're not planning on being serious with them.' and ever since then she paid more attention to me and saw how mature and independent I had become because of her absence and let me do more and more with out her.

In my mind, it just seems like parents (more often mothers) don't like to see their kids grow up on them thinking they can take on the world. They have all these rules and restrictions out of a 'tough love'. But at some point you have to build up that courage to prove to them you can start doing things on your own without her looking over your shoulder.


I mean, you are still 14, so I wouldn't go too over board with the freedom. I think you'll be all right though if you play your cards right.

Sorry to hear another Teen is going through this -

It is (however) cultural specific

In Jamaica you would have been called a Man from birth...

We call our young men "Man youth"

But Mom's have so much going on that we tend to forget that they are still Women, girls etc. etc. etc.

Hard to think of her that way with out getting sick to the stomache but barf and move on...

One thing any successful man will tell you ( successful with women that is)

is that they aren't supposed to make sense, just understand them....

that came from a not so nice place... here's something helpful...

One thing she thinks she knows is that you don't get women.

And some chicken out there on the farm is going to muck your life up royally!

Because she's done it... she won't give details but there's a guy out there who can't forget her for the wrong reasons... trust me...

I don't even know you mom... she'd laugh if she read this.

Let her.

Well, here's some real help you'll never forget me for:

David D'Angelo...

A basically moral and ethical guy who knows how women tick.

Tick tock tick tock ----- BOOM...!

Try and be ethical with what he's teaching about male/female relations... he's harsh but truthful and accurate...

Forgive MOM instantly... you have no choice she won't admit she's causing a problem in the way she's trying to help you reach life... alive

Now if you don't like the "fairer" sex... that isn't usually fair...

Just read him to understand some of the underpinnings of your mom's psyche...

Many things influence women without their knowing...

A woman and her chemical imbalance... one day I'll write ya' on that if you want...

Forgive her
Forget her (what she says and does)
Prove you understand the opposite sex (to her) by mastering a relationship
She'll be happier in a month promise... why?

You'll have many bosses and jobs... but you'll only have one relationship with a woman... (what the f**k?)

In a very limited way, ( but most consistently), ALL WOMEN ARE THE SAME....!

You are at an age to start making some whoopie...

which means not only pitching - woo... in a corner feverishly...!

It means you could make her a grandma'

Which means what?

A woman with a child is... old

A woman with a grand child is.... ancient

Not really, but in a woman's mind... that's bible...

They admit it with makeup... not up front....

(isn't make up lying?) or misrepresentation?

Is mom a liar? Mine is

Man I love the old bat though...

Don't let her rule you as a man... let her remember you as a boy who overcame one of the major hurdles in life before College....

Think about it... what do most guys hit in HighSchool and College... some stupid fast ass ho -

Grades dip
Sports Fall off
Drop out for too long maybe for good

All that and she gets to see even less of you...

It's actually as obvious as the hard on you have every morning ...

Rock on little MAN...

By the way, I never had a little brother that's why I share...

But I also had the head cheerleader AND I also dated the best Basketball player AND I also dated a techno geek with a 4.0

I know what I'm talking about.

Next time you see your dad laugh at him for letting this go on this long and punch him in the croch...

Kicking is preferred but optional.

Peace