How far will you go for love?

Just recently I had my heart broken by someone who I loved. So now Im wondering how far will people go for love? I mean is it worth it to throw yourself out there and constantly be put on the line for someone who is either going to cause you a great deal of pain or get a great deal of pain in the end? And if so how far should a person be willing to go? What should they share emotionally, mentally, etc. or what shouldn't they?

Well in this past relationship I did give everything that he did and even more yet I still got hurt. So now Im wondering why people even try to find love or keep going with it if you feel all this pain afterwards. I have been in relationships with other guys but he seemed really important and everything was going great then he dumped me out of nowhere and lied to our friends about the reason why. Now I dont know what to do. What do you think?

I know it sounds childish but now he has a new girlfriend, and I can't get over him. You see he lives down the road from me, he goes to school with me, his friends are my friends, and he was my best friend. So now Im not quite sure what to do. I try to distract myself so I can get over him completely, but Im stuck on him still. How can one person cause so much pain.

That is realllllyyyy deep! You know I knew him but I didn't you see because he lied to me a lot well towards the end anyway. I'm not entirely sure how I feel. Because when Im not around him Im sorta sad but im better. And when Im around him I feel.
It's like when he's not there Im numb, slightly. And when he's there I feel everything. HOw did you get so wise about relationships?

Decius has the most well thought out posts you'll ever see anywhere. Unless you catch him in the middle of editing hehe.

The trouble with situations like these is that betrayal on such a deep level does make people numb to emotions. The psyche becomes static thereby unable to fix the problem immediately. It's like trying to walk with bullets in your kneecaps. If you are determined(stubborn?) enough you might make it a few steps, but it's best to wait a bit to heal and then start jogging your ass off.

Well said, but that's just it, it's easier said than done. Has this ever happened to you? Im not trying to stereotype, but men don't usually have this problem, because you think so different from women. We get attached easily.

If that is your perception of men, you may want to evaluate who you are choosing to surround yourself with during this time of healing and reflection.

I don't think anyone (male or female) can survive 20 years without having their heart smashed to bits at least once or twice.

thats not my perception of men, it just seems that way sometimes. remember i said that im not trying to stereotype. what did you do to overcome a broken heart?

Personally, I have done primarily what Decius seems to speak of, diving right in to what lessons may be learned from the experience. When I am proactive and building from a tragedy it is much easier for me to move forward. Ultimately I end up recognizing where I have wronged myself and where others have wronged me and learned why it is that these events took place. I can't change events in my past, but understanding them and learning from them allows me to let go of any negative emotions I may harbor. This in turn gives me a sense of power over my future actions and therefore I become more confident in being my natural self.

Pain and tragedy are terribly wonderful for emotional development, as long as they can be overcome.

So tell me how do you get that person off of your mind and keep them away from your thoughts? I know I can probably move on and pursue the things that you are talking about, but he's always on my mind, so how do I get him out of there? What would you do or have you done to solve this problem?

Have you had problems in past relationships or do you just think about these things? because you sound as if you've had some experience with this sort of thing. Oh, and I seriously doubt that he'll call me, I mean why would he if he has his new girlfriend?

I really feel for you mudd. Decius has certainly got love sussed (or should I say people). It's really hard the first time you fall in love because you fall the hardest of all when you realise that it doesn't quite work the way you thought it would.

I personally believe that love is the strongest power in the world (Decius will probably disagree) but when you have this power at work in your life its is so powerful. I've learnt from bitter personal experience never to really give that power away. I don't mean don't love anyone, that's different, but the hold it can have over you when you are vulnerable can be just too strong sometimes.

I think the vulnerability that exists in you when you fall in love has to be kept in check, because if you give too much power to the other person in the relationship it's not fair on them and its not fair on you because the power you give them means they are completely and utterly responsible for you emotionally. Don't give that power away keep it close to you and then you won't be as easily burnt by it when it all goes terribly wrong. Equally don't take the other person's because then yu are holding too much power over them. Does any of this make sense? I've found that love can be too powerful and relationships need really careful balancing out to work long-term, then respect can fill the gap.

No that's not what I am saying at all and I think you have certainly misunderstood me. you can never give or recieve too much love, my issue is with the power love can have over yourself as an individual and how that power can sap you of your own will and self control. That a partner can hold love against you even if it is unknowingly or unintentionally done. I think young girls especially need to guard against the type of negative emotional bondage that love can trap you in if you let it. That is the power I am suggesting you not give away. Not love itself or the positive emotional attachment that comes with a loving relationship. I know it sounds confusing! I don't know how else to explain it.

I really agree with decius on this one.

This whole love thing, in order for it to 'function properly', requires both sides to reciprocate that feeling you get deep inside. If one does not give their side of the love to the other (in this case, straight out leaving and being with another girl) the magnitude of pain, betrayal, and hate comes into play, in comparison to how much you believed you loved that person.

realizing how much energy, time, emotions you built up for so long, -kind of- like a kid building the best snow man you've ever seen and someone coming up to it and destroying it. And that other person has no sympathy or regret for what they have destroyed and what impact it may have had, because it no longer concerns him if he had not built up the same "emotional snowman" you did.

so my suggestion, like decius, learn from what has happened. But start over and protect your emotions, as in, not giving them carelessly away with the mindset of you loving someone as much as you might, expecting and assuming they love you just as much. Analytically observing your relationship deciding for yourself how much of your time and energy is worth putting into the relationship [if you knew him like this at the start of the relationship, you wouldn't have invested so much time and energy](If i recall this is from wyote)... I think if you put just as much emotion into a relationship as the other, it balances itself out. There is always a chance it will fail, and if it does, you know inside that you didn't over-do yourself by putting in or giving to much which seems to be the problem in the first place.

so now that ill have to deal with him at school, how should i deal with him? Like I said he has me when he's around, and when he's not around Im fine. What should I do?