My rant, my life.

FUCK LIFE FUCK THE WORLD AND FUCK THE REST OF THE UNIVERSE. I have been hurt way to much. Im not sure how exactally how to begin it but here it goes. This is my rant my time to let people know what is going on in this messed up head of mine. First of all i have had my share of things happen to me probablly not as much as some people i know but enough still. I suppose it all started when I was 7-8 when my grandfather died. I never shed a tear I felt no remorse no fear of death. All I knew was that he was dead and that was that. I missed him. Then of course there was the incident during 6th grade when a 8th grader juse used me to get back at her old boyfriend. This scared me alot and still affects me to this day.

This lead me to start fawning over people i liked. This of course caused them to hate me. Sure I still had friends but not very many girls liked me. Not untill recentlly has this acutally gotten better when I meet this freshman that understood me. We have come to love each other but due to the fact there im a senior her mother/grandparents have forbid her from dating me both to our major displeasure. Im a selfish bastard, Ill I cared about was trying to do something about this, I still am but I understand that it will be hard becouse she doesnt want to worry her familly. This is only the relathioships part of this rant.

Now for more. I have always had friends that were cool and have tried helping me. There is this one kid named gwyidon how taught me how to utlize the minds potential and learn psyonics. Of course he also fansions himself a god almost beliveing that when he is powerfull enough he will become one. For this I have come to hate the kid slightlly. Sure he has helped me but i have since parted from his ways of teaching and started learning from the universe itsself. This has lead to me meeting the elementals yes call me crazy if you want.

Well since I cant figure out what to add to that one ill move onto something else. I am insane even though people would say im sane. Far from it everyone far from it, i can control my insainty thats the only reason I have not torn apart this world by now. today ive learned how to conrol it even more becouse it was either that or killing myself.

As for religons well the main ones such as christianity and Islam well here some advice STOP HATING EACH OTHER. Anyway, when one things of praying they think of religon. This is wrong, one does not need to belong to a religon to pray, I am a full on athiest and yet I pray. Prayer is just a form of faith in something. In my case this is the universe and what it stands for.
I appologise for bad grammer and misspelling but I have been huridlly typing this becouse my friend asked me to do this as it would help. I can not think of much more so I will post this and add to as I can.

I dont care what you post affter this as long as its something. Go ahead and critise me all you want for I dont care. I am lossing the one I love so there is not much left for me to worry about.

Eliasan-
First off, good job writing this down, I'm seeing a lot of release here and you've done awesome considering the circumstances that you're going through. Let me start by saying congrats on geting this up on a screen.
I'm looking at what you say about insanity here and I'll tell you straight off, if there's anyone out there who has total control over our emotions, they're liars. Life throws too much for us to maintain full control full time. That's not saying though that you can't control it most of the time. I've talked with you about finding an outlet, here's one in the post above me. It lets you blow off excess pressure that (a) tells people what you're going through, and (b) lets you tell yourself what you're going through. If you know what you're thinking, what you're feeling, you can channel that to a keyboard, to a notebook page, anything that leaves an imprint that isn't a scar or a hole in a wall.
And I'm not going to critiscize, criticism is for fiction writers and those without sin. We're all human, it's natural to hurt, but its something we all do. something that we can't avoid.
Hang in there.

-Vortex271

Thank you for those kind words Vortex.

I am sorry. Know that there aer people in this world who honestly believe everything unfair to them. And know that there are people in this world that are good. No one should have to feel the way you do, but all the same, it did happen. The most important thing, I think, is to be ok with you being so much different than the rest of the world. Be ok with the unfair things that happend and you will smile more often.

There's nothing worse than someone who complains about little things. Adversity builds character...

Thank you for all your advice. I just have one question to ask for those to chose to answer. When you feel that feeling in your soul, gut, mind whatever when you love someone and they say that you love them back, and then when you see them pretty much acting like they love you to someone else is that love you are feeling of jeauslly? To me its both love becouse I do love them, but jeaullasey becouse thats what you want to see happening to you. Im sorry for this folks I really am. Im cracking and im just loosing it. I lied about having to go home just to get away and becouse I wanted to see her happy. Thanks to my bloody damn personalites they got into my head just long enough the idea that she would be better off without me. I would like to see her happy and if going out with this guy would make her happy then by all fucking means do so. Im a shitty person, im no good for life or anything. Hell im surprised I havnt been kicked off the site yet for posting stupid stuff. So in my kind words I would like to say I LOVE YOU (speaking mostlly of course to the girl that I love but also to all of you) You guys and gals are like a familly to me in ways. Thank you for listening and not listening.

Relax man it's only life. It happened and that's the way it is. Just move on and don't look back because every minute you look back is another minute down forewards. That's something I've found works is think about tommorrow not yesterday.

'Up from the ashes, up from the ashes, bloom the roses of success'.

The only way to toughen a boxer up is to smash him in the face a few times.

"That's something I've found works is think about tommorrow not yesterday."


Here eliasan, I'll do you one better. That statement above is wrong as well. So many people are caught up in future and past and forget to live in the present. I'm telling you, when you live in the moment, everything gets a lot easier. You don't have to worry about the harshness of life. You can take things for what they really are. The past is complete certainty, the future complete uncertainty, but the present just is. Live it, love it, be it.

You want to give up on life?

I never fully said I wanted to give up on life, thanks everyone for your kind words of support and everything. Lifes been getting better an all latelly.

Living in the moment is a more fictional ideal. Planning ahead has it's obvious advantages. Because if you plan ahead you can always change your whole view or strategy at the last second. Doesn't mean it's a final sale.

That's it kid.... Start looking at the positive side of life.