casual, non sexual touching?

Hi, I've been browing thse forums for awhile, and there's been some great advice thrown around, so I thought I'd pop an interesting (maybe pathetic) situation that I need some help with.

Right, so I've always been a bit uncomfortable around girls. I never had a sister, and I never really had any girls interested in me until about a year ago (I'm 20). So I've been hanging out with this girl a lot recently. We've had some great times. We've kissed a couple of times (never made out). So, she sends me this text message late one night "you realize you never touch me." I think about it for awhile, and she was totally right. I never really put my arm around her or anything, really. It's bugging me. Plus, now that she's pointed it out, it's going to be even more awkward to do so. Can anybody give me some advice for how to casually touch her, purely in a non-sexual way. It seems everytime I get the urge, it just feels awkward for me.

First of all you need to decide if you want this relationship to go somewhere serious. If you don't then you have no obligation to make any physical contact whatsoever. However that doesnt seem to be the case. You mustn't rush yourself into things like that, it will do nothing but make you more irritated and nervous. Just Be Cool. Relax, you're experiencing one of the greatest things in the world, a relationship between two people. The fact that she sent you the message, especially that it was late at night (a time where most often sexual desires come out), means that she does want you to touch her, in a sexual way. I don't mean she's trying to get you to go down on her but men are usually the initiators of anything sexual. I know that personally if i am making no type of sexual advance toward a girl that is because i want there to be none, ever. Best thing is to use humor, just do things playfully that way if she doesnt react the way you expected her to you have that safeguard. I mean just be playful but be complimentary, touc her hair and tell her something you like about it. There's no real answer i can give you, i dont know you and i dont know her. The only answer is once again dont stress, but you do need to find something that works for you and go with it.

kristo, One of the hardest things to do is act "cool and relaxed" when that's not how you feel. I would pick a date where you can have good conversation and eye-contact with your girlfriend (maybe a simple icecream shop?) and don't try to achieve more than simply touching her hands and telling her that you feel wonderful (in whatever words you choose) being with her. Make sure conversation comes first, though, so it doesn't seem awkward. If you really care about her a lot, don't push too fast but, as Fin mentioned, don't send her the message that you don't care. Eye contact will let her know that you're sincere, and good conversation will let her know that you care. JUST BE HONEST! Eventually, as the night goes on, watch her non-verbal cues as to whether or not she is ready for more. If you think she is, try Fin's suggestions about being playful. What you're really doing by being playful is helping her make up her mind about what she feels like doing. Chances are, if she hasn't jumped you or said "get lost", she probably is feeling the butterflies in her stomach too!

thanks, guys, you rock. Being cool and relaxed is what I like to do, but that goes away as soon as anything physical comes into play. And trust me, I do want this relationship to go further. I really dig her.

Well i agree to what tommybc98 and Fin said but my advice is to not let the girl think you like her too much. Girls and guys don't like it when people get to clingy. Try and make it appear that you have other interests that she's not the focus of your life, but an important part.

thinking back on my own experiences of first times touching a girl i really liked... seems like i pretty much held my breath and squinted haha, i was such a loser... oh wait, still am.

anyway, it gets easier. the first few times just make sure you are fully aware of her subtle cues. whether you want to take the plunge in a joking manner or in a completely sincere one is totally up to you... altho the latter is much more difficult if you havent had much opportunity to practice. simply holding her hand and saying something comical or something sweet is a good place to start.

Chance favors the prepared mind. If you're nervous and freaked out, then you'll make her nervous. So its important to keep as cool and calm as you possibly can, but at the same time stay alert and sensitive to her ques. Yes it can be difficult. Who knows, she may be watching very closely to see if you'll take the bait. As the other people said, be playful, make a joke, put your arm around her, or hold hands, then if she felt comfortable with that, if she didn't hesitate or even if she enjoyed it that time, do it again later in a subtle way(but don't over do it). Think before you act. One more thing, women usually love anticipation. They love to feel the rush that something is going to happen... but not know when.

I guess I've got a good update on the situation. We went to a movie a couple nights ago, followed by shoe shopping (going dancing on saturday, and i don't have any), which was then followed by a spur of the moment dinner, which was then followed by picking up a few bottels of wine, which then was followed by a great night. (no sex, just a fun night of kissing and sharing stories). It was allll great!

dancing dinner wine?? and you were asking for advice? well here's some advice do exactly what you're doing! =)

That was totally not even meant to be a date, but it just sort of happened. Im not complaining...but still the situation is a bit awkward because she just got over a huge relationship this summer, so i would not be surprised if a bit of rebound was involved here.

If it's a rebound, do exciting things with your own life. She will want to participate.

well from my point i can tell you what i as a girl would think to be a casual touch. she might like you to put your arm arond her on her waist or justbrush her hair out of her face. or you could tell herthat you dont feel comfortable but make sure she knows its not her that your uncomforable with. but dont worry about it just relax and it will happen

I would agree with earlier posts.. if its something you're not fully comfortable with don't rush. it'll come to you soon enough and it will be a wonderful experience. Most likely a good stepping stone to take your relationship further. You just have to get that feeling, then you'll know its the right time..

maybe next time you hug just hold on to her a little more tightly and just hold her... "Ya know, I'm really happy I'm with you" wispered to her?
idk just throwin some ideas out here ^_^; my post is probably a little repetative of what other people said but i'm sure you're getting our general idea of this wonderful situation

i give all girls great big hugs, play witht their hair, and flirt. thats just me though. and they dont seem to mind, but when it comes to more serious things, i tend to be shy at first.