Breakdown

I don't know if anyone has noticed a change in the character of my posts in the last couple of weeks. I feel very different now. Recent humiliating events is causing me to feel oh so inadequate. I'm being constantly reminded why I picked DumbTeen as my screename.

I know I usually act like an arrogant know-it-all who is really condescending of others. Well, if Freud were here he might say its a cover for my feelings of inadequacy. My inadequacy in RL has become so blatant that frankly, I see no point in trying to hide it online either.

Has anyone read either Death of a Salesman or Streetcar Named Desire? Well, I'd be a cross between Willy and Mitch, that seems about right.

I'm acting so strange because I physically tired (3h sleep last night), my muscles are aching and I am so emotionally taxed right now. Being humiliated by your friends is one thing, probably the straw that broke the camel's back. But probably the more important thing is I'm heartbroken, its stupid because I don't really know this girl all that well. What I can't stand is that she was obviously physically attracted, I was real nice and I could make her laugh a lot. Went out once, then she sort of kept up appearances after but its clear she ain't really interested.

Anyway, the sum of all that, and here I am. I need learn to value myself, to recognise my own worth, till I do that I don't think I'm gonna get anywhere.

Hope someone can make some sense of my rambling.

From breakdowns come realizations,
grow.

I'm curious as to what you feel inadequate about.

The only time I've seen you sound very arrogant is when refuting an arrogant person.

Otherwise you just sound human to me, unlike those who are so sure of everything they hear and think.

Perhaps with your particular style intellect and wealth of knowledge you may be out of sync with people around you especially your age, who knows, depends on who you hang with and try to date.

relationships force us to look at ourselves very closely, especially when they go awry. if you feel at fault for something, recognize what it is and force yourself to change. it is the best way to move forward. you may feel dumb, but its very apprarent to me as well as others here that you are very far from it.

Thanks a lot guys, I've slept on it, and a good 9h can sure make you feel a lot better!

Its just, I don't see the point of knowing so much if your just gonna get your ass handed to you socially. Which is what's happening to me every week or so. Probably because there's this one ass who is so good at dissing, and I happen to be the main target.

"I'm curious as to what you feel inadequate about."
I can't post right now, but it'd definitely help for me to spit it out I think.

Talked to him today, he has some cheek. Both sounding like I should apologize for making him feel guilty and that its his "burden" to "liven things up".

He's in my flat next year, so what you gonna do.

Lets see, what makes me feel inadequate. Well, maybe the fact had a proper relationship yet. I think its also because I have moved around alot. I mean, I've stayed in the same country until recently, but I always changed school or whatever. In maybe 1/2 of those I was a right tard.

I've like, in the past couple of months, realized how important social skills are. I feel like I've spent my entire life doing nothing and now I have to learn and make all the mistakes I've been avoiding.

"social skills" as defined by society, seem to me like simply who can bullshit the best. i see guys prattle on and on about their various accomplishments and how cool they are... women flock to them, hell even men do. being genuine should be the primary goal of social atmospheres, unfortunately its not. i try to stay genuine, a few interesting people usually end up finding me.

inadequacy - i have always felt like a lesser person because of my small vocabulary. it has held me back on several occasions and made me feel very adolescent even. particularly around my extended family who are primarily WASPs with much larger vocab than myself. my own parents have particularly large vocabs.