Why has my life turned out this way?

Cold, dual and so alone.
Family and friend have become distant shadows.
From the east to the west the sun never rises to set.
Striking of a match to light my darkest nights.
moon light burns away, feeling the darkness caressing my soul
Eagle descend, calming the storm as i watch my happiness settling
as shattered memories dwelling in a flash of time. Unwanted and unthought-of, crawling into sounds of songs as i hang on to nothingness as a lesser feeling subsides within. Once she was my breath. Once she was my light. Once she was my life. Still she is my love. A love i want no more. Death has taken her from me. Time can not heal what has burned like a wild fire within. My life has carried this silent pain for 18 years. Ah, from head to toe she warmed my very soul. Magic, swirled, to dance around her. Soft as a summer breeze we sailed across the loves divine like two doves in-twined. A seed of love, should have been, death to would take this child within. The nightmares never to end. Memories breathe terror once again. No where to run from within. No place to sit my past behind. In my arms her bluest of blues eyes closed forever. Winter never ends. No where to cry but upon the grave they lay silently. This wound never to heal, this wound steals the very life from within. Today the coldest day, for which christmas was the day her heart beat for the last time. Sadness reins over my soul today. Her voice still remains. Options? There are no options for the loss of one's soul. Advice lingers in the wasteland of empty minded people who set their claims on the dollar. Tomorrow when you lose the one you love. Then come to me and tell me how i should feel. Understand? What is there to truly understand? Death everyday walks beside me waiting, stalking, wanting, lusting for me to pull the trigger. A Serious problem here? Of Course and without a serious cure. Define the meaning of empty.

All the members of this boards must be too happy go lucky to gave an opinion or a thought of wisdom.
Is what ten sets of eyes have read, of something that really happened?
Perhaps this is of my imagination?
No comment is more incriminating then any comment.

If you ever feel up to it, I'm guessing this is a personal story, I'd be interested to hear the details, though not interested in causing any undo pain, but if it does help to talk or anything, please do.

Death walks beside us all everyday, most just don't get to know it so personally, but life walks on the other side of you, and if you turn away from life, all you will see is death.

Important things have been taken from you, yet you are still here, you have learned the lesson of loss that so many have and do suffer.

What can you personally learn and gain from this, though it may feel like nothing, it may actually be everything. And it may be a gift or tool that holds the possibility of learning and healing for you and for many others.

Think always of what this love would desire of you and for you. Would she want you writhing in misery, or would she want you to take all the love you had for her and your child to have been, the love and the dedication, would she want you to let it die or even kill you? I seriously doubt this.

So what then? You have all this love and it feels so strong it feels like pain, you must give it away, and then not only will you receive relief, but most likely you will also receive a reciprication of this love, though you should not seek such reward.

What would she want for you.

Poor me ahh poor me look at me give me some love help me look what life has given me. Look at me im creative I come up with beautiful poems to make more of an impact. This is what your poem sounds like. I suppose your still trying to come to terms with what happened. The sooner you do that the sooner you will find the replacement and then lets hear the poem.

itsasiseeit, Oddly, even though you seemed like quite the dick with your post, I find it contains, scathing but honest criticism, and a compliment (which i'm not sure if you were being sarcastic, if so my post here is void), and then a middle of the road point with a somewhat optomistic end.

I was also initially turned off by bcy's post due to its nature, which was reinforced by the added post, but once I realized the content I better understood.

itisasiseeit, are you speaking from a relatable vantage point of pain and loss? Just curious.

Fair play to the guy who wrote the poem, its quite good and is probably helping him come to terms with the events. However, im unsympathetic and so my reply may have seemed a bit cold.

"itisasiseeit, are you speaking from a relatable vantage point of pain and loss? Just curious."

Still curious, you missed this question, I wonder because I'm curious if you would talk to your mom like that if you had a sister who was pregnant die, or how you would feel if your pregnant wife or girlfriend died, I wonder why you say you have no sympathy.

This person didn't just have their cat run over, is this how you would talk to returning soldiers, I've heard of sociopaths with more emotions than you've expressed here.

You don't have to have sympathy not to be a dick. I'm not big of stopping driving for funeral processions but I'm sure not about to start flipping them off and screaming at them to get over it.

This is where I'm coming from with my line of questions

I'm unsympathetic to the guy who opens his heart on the net and expects sympathy. What you have to ask yourself is what does this guy want? A response, a sympathetic response most probably. He wants someone who can relate to share his feelings with. I cant relate, I come from no vantage point, so the response I give is not going to be one of sympathy and understanding. So I thought I'ld tell him what I see from outside a sympathetic viewpoint. This is what you read. Anyway this guys been dwelling on his loss for 18 years, come on, even a doctor would say he needs to get over it and move on. That's the healthy thing to do, its advice that will lead to success.

The problem with your posts aren't your spectating perspectives, that was obvious, your problem comes in thinking you have the slightest idea of what you are talking about in claiming what he or anyone else should do under the circumstances.

You can't just tell people to get over things, it doesn't work that way, you seem to think people like being miserable, well, then you are an idiot, mind you, this is just my perspective opinion as from a person viewing your layed out ideas on the internet, looking for whatever response.

And I'll even have you know that your type of stereotypical ignorance actually help perpetuate such problems, not help them.

I would apologize for my (unrelated) aggitation but sympathy isn't something you understand so I guess I won't.

I sympathise with people on a day to day basis, on many levels.
I understand sympathy Im just choosing not to be sympathetic in this particular case. The reason for this is because I cant stand the mass number of people who always like to complain, complain about life their problems. These people thrive off sympathy, that's the character they choose to be. You've probably met people like this, those who always come to you with their problems, they go to you because you give sympathy but where does this get you and does it really solve the problem? No because the next time they see you they will have another problem and expect more sympathy. I don't apply this attitude to everyone who seeks sympathy, particular cases need special attention, death, illness, and serious problems deserve sympathy to an extent, and I will give sympathy in these cases for a limited time, but if they continue to ask for sympathy I will give them a response something similar to what the initial post on the subject sounded like.