Perfectionism - Page 2

It sounds like a terrible way to be Attolia, from what you have said.

When I was younger I suffered obsessive compulsive disorder, or whatever it is called now.

To me, it stems from fearing the things you cannot change. Coming from the belief you can achieve anything- providing it's up to you; when it's all up to the fates- you are afraid. You are “helpless”

In ancient times they sacrificed goat eyes and cow intestines to altars when they feared something major out of their own personal control.

Now, someone like myself will just put on the "right socks” before they leave the house. Or do some mundane, inconsequential ritual, because we feel if we do it- then the higher power which will determine what we want coming true will give us our wishes.

I have learned to control it to a certain degree and it's now only a minor part of my life.

But I can see the Perfectionism thing as similar. You fear things not going to your will. And feel if you work hard enough for something you will get it. And it's all YOU and what YOU do, that will determine whether you get what you want.

I learnt long ago what "I" do, does NOT determine the result of most important things.

So I myself cannot see why a perfectionist feels the need for such self chastisement, mental flagemation or physical flogging.

I think its two very similar mental problems. But we have both learnt to deal with our 'fear of failure " in two very spreate ways.

I will never believe that I have the power to change the world to my benefit all alone- and I hope that if you think on this Attolia, you may come to think as I do.

Just dont take the OCD route alike I did, as it's probably worse. You will feel very helpless. Like even you're OWN efforts you try so hard for aren't enough. No matter how hard you study, think, exercise, work etc.

I guess being helpless against the world is what triggers these feelings, and consequent disorders, then means of coping in people.

Maybe that's your deep seated fear? Being helpless to control the world? And you think pushing yourself hard enough could change that?

I wish you well in your struggle to master your condition.

Sometimes perfectionists (which I myself have been called before. WTF?) are the people who change the world.

As you know though- this is of no consequence if you yourself live a miserable life.

Good luck.

Yes, a desire for control is also a part of my perfectionist tendencies. If I do something very well (perfect), then I feel less insecure about the results and feel that I have used all my power to control the outcome. Thanks for bringing it up.

quote:

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The degree of self-acceptance and self-love is what makes one child become obsessed or not. Denial of love in a child is a terrible thing, and once internalized becomes very difficult because they are absolute tyrants to deal with.

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This is where the high standards come in. When you're raised to be better than what your age is expected to be and you are praised for that, you do not accept any less. While this has been a positive part in my life in helping me develop habits of producing good work, it has also crippled me in self-acceptance. Luckily, both my parents and I learned from our mistakes. They started telling me that it's alright if I do not reach my mark but that it was still important to give it my all.