Having Kids - Page 2

hey! boo hiss, I don't agree with that at all! I am *Shock* *Horror* female and have never wanted and -trust me- will never want, children. Neither does my sister. Both my brothers on the other hand are quite keen on the idea. And to be honest, my reasons aren't as well reasoned out as the strain on financial, emotional and psychological resources it's just an instinctive "no no NO" deeep in my bones. (Although all these other reasons are more rational and probably more admirable) It's not that I dislike children -I don't- and it's definitely not that I had a bad childhood, there is just no part of me that has ever wanted (shudder) children. I can't even imagine having kids; the thought of the whole processs, from pregnancy, to birth, to children's shoes fills me with fear, disgust and indifference in turn.

And I don't think I'm alone, I don't think maternal instinct comes free with the ovaries, many women don't want, or need, kids. Ever. It makes me wonder how many of our desires and idiosyncracies are really just automatic by-products of gender and how many are socially accepted roles? Chicken/egg, blah blah blah... but it would depress me beyond words if I believed that my thoughts and emotions were less to do with a lifetime (OK only 21 years, but it's MY lifetime, buddy) of carefully weighed decisions and beliefs and more to do with the shape of my chest. Are you willing to be reduced to a handful of mischevious hormones and dodgily-scented bodyparts?

Sorry, long rant, but this bothers me from time to time. All thoughts / reassurances appreciated

Having children has very little else to do with WANTING to screw someone. All the litle semen and vagina brains shutdown, the mindless orb we call a brain goes for a stroll and pumpump squirt, voila! Children. I can count on the fingers of half a hand the amount of children I know who were planned or cherished or wanted. It's all about sex and irresponsibility.[b]

I think life boils down to having kids. We were geneticly built to seek partners with whom we are most likley to reproduce. Have a look at all the animals. Their primary mission in life is to stay alive in order to reproduce. Everything else is fairyfloss. Its what keeps mankind and all other forms of life going. If we all stop having kids and get distracted by the "fairy floss", everything will come to an end. Thats my opinion. Im not looking forward to having kids at this stage of my life, but imsure the time will come.

Gee sounds familar some how , did we do this one before?
many women comijng up on the change find the thought of not being or having the choice, seem to want to do so before it is to late.
Kind of an old fashion but would the idea of loving relationship bearing fruit override such deliberations of econmic and social conditions? As these issues are more of a driving force in modern societies, I am not surprised by the interest.
Having children is something of a major consequence in life so couples should be more open to the discussion. Something that should be discussed pior to the fact as part of getting to know (forming the relationship) one another.
As previously stated usually more of a surprise!
In general, the child / parent bond is something that developes after the fact?

what sort of a question is this ? are you people so stupid that you think its always been a conscious decision weather or not to have children? if we didnt , our species would die out within the next 100 -120 years. a natural part of a species is to try and ensure its continuation, why do you think we dominate the world ,because we had the capability to see the advantage of more children , most evident in primitive sociaty. its nothing to do with signs of love , wanting to have children is supposed to be an innate feeling of keeping the human species prosperous. Granted sociaty is now at such a conscious level that other factors seem to take over for reasons, but they are just a front. Im not claiming that we should all have kids or even want to anymore due to what sociaty is today. but jeez , look at the bigger picture peopole, you have the insight of a 3 yr old

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what sort of a question is this ?

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The present conditions & technology has made having children more of a conscious choice. The population expansion of geometric proportion brings awareness of our responcibility to reduce the growth rate. many of the us see reproduction as being a natural function which should be used wisely to preserve life.

im fully aware of this. but the queasion asked was why is it expected , and i explained that it is derived from a natural innate sense that if we dont have children , humans die out. simple. obviously we dont all have to either have them or not have them , but as long as the general will is that we do , it will ensure the survivla of our specias. im not talking in a way in which humans must rule the world ( mwa ha ha) but in the way that every other animal in the world does things , reproduce to ensure survival, if we all decided we didnt want these responsibilities , the consequences would be dire! but luckily we dont all have the same views. im just answering the original questio , why someone evan had to ask this is beyond me , it seems obvious .... hence " what sort of question is this"
you see where im coming from ?

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Why is having kids such an accepted and expected part of getting married and getting older?
It is not for everyone, take me for example.
I do not want kids, I actually hate kids.
I do not want to have them, I do not want to teach them I just plain do not want them.....ever.

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Well the opening line states that question but the rest seems to point to a deeper issue.

pardon my ignorance, but what is so great about ensuring the survival of the species? if everyone in the world suddenly became infertile for some unknown reason(use your imagination) i really don't think i would care. so the species dies out. woopti-do. it would be better for the planet, anyway. but as it stands, i and a whole lot of other people will probably end up marrying and having kids, just because it is the thing to do. hopefully if i do, i don't do something stupid and screw up their lives. call me selfish, but i really don't care about the survival of the species.

I suppose, as the father of 11 (youngest will be 1-yr on 6/9), I should stay out of this discussion, but I can't. God didn't create a field full of flowers so that every single blossom would produce seeds and repopulate the meadow the following year. If He had, all the flowers would have just 1 seed to bare. I hope that those among you that are committed to not having children don't have children. I have always wanted to have children - and by that I mean from the time I was 6-yrs old. For the 'circle' to work, there needs to be the two extremes and everything in between.
Childlessness seems to run in cycles. I fear that it has more to do with the potential of sexual output rather than personal choice. God plays tricks on us to inhibit our desires when balance needs to be turned in one direction or another. A case in point is my 7-yr old's 1st grade class. Of 54 students, only 21 are girls. Is God trying to right the imbalance that currently exists between males and females? Or is it God's way of preparing us for another big war? I fear the latter. My other fear is that those among you that are opting out would be producing females. Good, strong females. Mine are 6f and 5m. My first wife lost one many years ago that would have made it 6 and 6. In order, m,f,(m),f,m,f,m,f,m,f,m,f. Perfect harmony/balance. If we have an over-abundance of males we can afford a war. Sad commentary, but true. All that notwithstanding, I want people to stand-up and make a choice. To or not to. To or not to - anything. World shaking or frivolous. Think, say, and do. If anything serious can be taken from a silly movie, take this from "Galaxy Quest", "Never give up, never surrender!" And remember my own little piece of stupid wisdom, "Immorality breeds immortality!" "Live long and prosper!"

Why the equation of material wealth versus children? One can have both. I respect your decision, but seems intelligent educated people are making this decision to not have children and those who probably shouldn't are having one after another.

No, I don't think with my dick (or should I call it Dr. Dr. Dick - in Applied Mathematics and the other one in Creative Studies). I suppose the real question here is 'intelligent'. What is a math major doing getting a doctorate in the arts? Intelligent educated people don't always make intelligent decisions. I planned all of my children. My 7 oldest have all graduated from college - some with advanced degrees. My 4 youngest (7 yrs, 4 yrs, 3 yrs and 1 week short of 1 year) are bright and intelligent (seemingly). But like some 'seemingly' intelligent people they don't always know what they are talking about and say stupid things. Don't we all.
I find that many 'intelligent educated people' are so self-engrossed that they opt not to have children because they can't spare the time required to nurture a child. GREAT! There should be a test for parenthood anyway. Not intelligence. Not wealth. Not education. Love and respect. And if 'intelligent educated people' can't muster the required elements to pass the test, then they shouldn't have children. One after another or otherwise.

Certainly sounds good in theory, but the practical application maynot be well received>

squatteam, I hope your post was not in response to mine. My post was in reference to the original post and nothing to do with any of yours. It's good to see good people have lots of kids.

Who needs love it is the sickness the scourge the plague that blinds one deceives lulls into false security it is purely a means by which nature creates urges to copulate to produce more scum more evil more deceptive decoys to sacrifice the innocent hearts there is no good there is nothing nobody all ridden to sin avoidance of all that is considered the normal accepted the path for the pre determined outcome no surprise only formatted standard life goals purely shit a waste of time nothing to be gained by this normalcy they promote as the correct life I abscond from life I abandon life I would never wish for a barred existence imprisoned entombed marital sentence sacrifice mortgage struggle pain to create more human scum.