Some slightly dirty fun...

A little old lady goes into a tavern and sits at the bar. The
bartender notices that she is VERY drunk but goes over to find
out what she needs.

The old lady says, (in a drunken slur) "tarbender, tarbender,
bring me a martuni with a pickle in it."

So he makes a martini, puts an olive in it and hands it to her.
She gulps it down in one swig and says, "oh heartburn, heartburn,
tarbender, tarbender, bring me another martuni with a pickle in it."

So the bartender makes another martini, puts an olive in it and
takes it to the old lady. Again she gulps it down in one swig and
slams the glass down on the bar saying, "heartburn, heartburn,
tarbender, tarbender, bring me another martuni with a pickle in it."

Well now the bartender is thinking that this is about enough of her
so he says, "lady, first of all I am not a tarbender, I am a BARTENDER,
second, you are not drinking a martuni with a pickle in it, it is a
MARTINI with a OLIVE in it! And third, you don't have heartburn,
your tit is in the ashtray!

Q: What is better than winning a medal at the Special Olympics?
A: Not being retarded

Q: What's blue and fucks old people?
A: Hypothermia

Q: What is the definition of "making love"?
A: Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.

Q: Why did God create yeast infections?
A: So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt once in a while too.

Q. How can you tell a macho woman?
A. She rolls her own tampons.

Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
A. Marry it.

Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance?
A. Because women don't get blow jobs while they're
driving.

Q. What's the difference between mayonnaise & semen?
A. Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back of a girl's throat at thirty miles an hour.

Q. What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
A. Oral sex makes your day; anal sex makes your hole
weak.

Q. How is pubic hair like parsley?
A. You push it to the side before you start eating.

Q. Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same day in Iraq?
A. They don't want to wear out the camel.

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.