Work Excuses

1. I won't be in today. My fish is sick and I need to take it to the vet.


2. My neighbor's daughter got a round hair brush stuck in her hair and I need to help her get it out.


3. I won't be in today because I have come down with Spring Fever.


4. I fell off a ladder fixing the roof on my house and I landed on my elbow.


5. Last night in San Francisco I was attacked by a gay guy who didn't like the remarks I made about him and he hit me in the face and broke the windshield of my car with a small bat that I tried to hit him with.


6. I have a head ache.... # 22...actual times someone at work has called in with this excuse!


7. I don't think I'll be in work for awhile. Yesterday I was riding my son's BMX bike and I fell and broke my ankle it two places and I'm in the hospital.


8. I won't be in today. I'm still drunk from last night.


9. I'm not coming in because I need a mental day.


10. Last night we had a party and I woke up with a strange man in my bed!


11. My car caught on fire on the way to work so I can't make it in.


12. My car ran out of gas on the way to work. I was pushing it to a gas station and I got a stomach hernia and I have to go to the doctors.


13. My cat got ran over by a motorcycle and I need to take it to the vet.


14. My boyfriend hit me over the head with a speaker and I'm kind of messed up.


15. I was stepping down out of my trailer and I missed the step and when I landed on the ground I messed up my back.


16. Called in on Tuesday I won't be able to come to work for the rest of the week. My shrink put me on a depressant pill yesterday and I was up all night wired. I'm in zombieland right now and I don't want to drive in fear of an accident, or run the machines in fear of getting hurt or dismembered. I need the rest of the week off cause my body needs to adjust to the medication. So I need the last three days as vacation days because I've missed too much time already and I can't afford to miss anymore .


17. I won't be in today or Ever Again. I've found a way to earn money by staying at home working on my puter. I'm tired of getting paid for punching a time clock, working my but off on a J.O.B (Just Over Broke) 9 to 5 and retiring with $ 0 in my bank account, forced to live of the Government and taxpayers. If you want to know what I'll be doing, send an email to: Cookie18@SmartBot.NET Hooray! Freedom at Last!


18. Tom Robbins says: "any one who goes to work everyday... everyday... IS sick! so, 'call in well' to work today!


19. Had to be rushed to hospital for coffee burns on my lap be in tomorrow!


20. I cant come to work today because the city is paving my street and I cant get out!


21. A graphic artist I once knew told me of a person who called in and said his house had burned overnight. He was caught in the lie when word got out because co-workers took up a collection and the guy had to come clean when they gave it to him. He said it's just so much easier to say you've got diarrhea. They can't argue with that. (Imodium hadn't been invented yet.)


22. My wife is too sick to get out of bed, so I'm staying home to take care of her.


23. A lady took a leave of absence to cavort with her boyfriend. The supervisor looked the other way when she said she had to go to Arizona to get her stuff out of storage. After her return, she transferred to the front office. When her paramour again desired her companionship for travel, she said her father had a stroke. She was quietly dismissed when the office manager called the mother to ask how the allegedly ailing father was doing and was told the truth.


24. Back in the olden days, female employees were not required to report their pregnancies, and she was one of the damnedably lucky ones that never showed. Her boss found out when she called to say she couldn't make it that day because she was in labor.


25. I wont be in today I ran into a car and need to go to the doctor's I cant find my shoes I cant find my Son!!! There is a good show on T.V. I need to donate blood today I'm Drunk I left rubber cement next to my bed why I was sleeping and got really High I fell on a flashlight " Butt First " My dog ate my car keys and went to sleep and when I woke up found my self in another state.


26. I won't be in today....I'm calling in dead.


27. Excuse me sir, but I won't be in today. My home is flooded and I'm currently standing on my dresser in my second story bedroom. Thanks and have a nice day.


28. Can't make it in. I have a chance of filling in for someone on jury duty.


29. Hello, This is, ________ I've used all of my sick days and I'm calling in dead.


30. Actually used (and believed) when I was working in Toronto. "You'll never believe it! I said with a straight face, I was heading here with plenty of time to be on time, when my car tires got stuck in the streetcar tracks! Now, I could drive forward and backwards but I couldn't turn off the tracks. I continued. Now I knew I couldn't safely stay there, so I did the only thing I could. I said, I had to drive all the way down to the rail yards and (finally) drive out free at the barns. Just to top it off, I continued, I'm sure you know how far away the rail yards are from work. I took me an extra half hour just to drive back! That's why I was late for work."


31. I can't come into work today because of eye trouble.... I can't see working today.


32. If it is all the same to you, I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.


33. When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.


34. I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?


35. I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at Wal-Mart.


36. Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.


37. The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet .


38. I had missed a lot of work and my boss made me promise I would not be late, but I woke that day to find my cat bleeding. The poor cat had a hole in its belly where an abscess had burst. I called the boss and she said, " Sure it does..." The vet was very accommodating and wrote me an official excuse, and it hung on the boss's bulletin board for a very long time. It read, "Please excuse Sheryl being late to work today. Her cat had a hole in it.


39. I am calling in because I do not feel up to par today.


40. I am not coming in because I tried to dye my hair blonde, but it came out green!

You forgot the classic, quick-fire excuse.

"Sorry, can't come in. I'm in jail. A nice cop told me I was running around naked screaming that the aliens took my tits in front of the police station."

LOLOLOL