Trust

Your trust is betrayed by the one that you thought you could trust no matter what and you can't trust again but you still don't want to let go even after trying to get past it what do you do?

A little inside info....My husband cheated on me more than a year ago and I have tried to get passed it but I just can't seem to. Every time I see him look at a woman or go online the fears come up that he is cheating again.

Okay, I need to determine something here first to give you my opinion.

1. Have you accepted that fact that he has cheated on you?

2. when you found out that he did, did you want to go and sleep with someone just to get back at him?

3. Do you still love him?

Blow off people you don't trust!
The Hamster

You know even when someone cheats on you, if you really do love them that feeling never goes away. I know this from personal experiences. However, the thought that a man/woman could do this to the person they CLAIM to love is beyond reason or belief. If what you have is suppose to be so special, then why fuck it up or sleep with someone else for that matter. Then again, if you work on forgiving and continue to picture the man/woman doing the samething or lack of trust when he/she is around the opposite sex then your life is probably over. And then after all is said and done, they tell you that what you have is special and want it to be like that again. If it was so special to begin with, would this shit have happened???? Uuuuummmmmmmmmmm NO!

Wishing you the best of luck, you are gonna need it rookiepfd.

Lynn

68 firebird: 1: Yes I have accepted that he has cheated on me. I was also brought up believing that once someone cheats they will do it again and again. 2:Yes I wanted to go find someone to sleep with to pay him back but I just couldn't hurt him the way that he has hurt me. And 3: YES I do still love him. But love isn't all that there is to a relationship, is it?

lynniepoohs: Thanks for your insight. It might help me to make this very hard decision.

Okay so from what I see, you still love him very deeply despite the fact he has cheated on you.

My reasons being that, 1 you wanted to cheat on him to get back, this just shows that you want the relationship to be equal. BUT you did not do that because of course it is wrong. He is the one that made it unequal and he is the one you don't trust now.

You do still love him so my opinion is that you try to work on building the trust again, now this DOES work both ways! Explain to him that you do not trust him anymore for the obvious reasons. Tell him that whenever he looks at another women you get nervous. If he wants this relationship to go on he will respect these feeling you are having and will try everything in his power to build the trust you have once had.

If he cannot accept the fact that you don't trust him you have 2 options.......

1. Tell him it is over and that you never want to see him again.

2. Tell him that you get to have sex with someone you know and are attracted to (as long as they are not involved) to get even and to start fresh.

listen to firebird.. he is good.

Just to give you an update on how things are going...

I go to him and I tell him how I feel and all the doubts that I've been having and the fears and tell him that I have thought about doing the same thing to him and he tells me that he understands and that if I did go and sleep with someone else then he would understand. A few hours later we are sitting there watching a movie and he suddenly comes out with, "You wouldn't have the guts to sleep with someone else. You also wouldn't have the guts to leave me or else you already would have." I told him that he underestimated me and walked out. Went out, walked around and came back a bit later. A few days later his best friend comes over and tells me that he has heard about the problems that we are having and is there anything that he can do to help. I told him that there wasn't. Then he starts kissing me and shit. I asked him if my husband had put him up to this and he said yes. Told me that he was to report back to him as to if I fell for it or not. Said he was uncomfortable with it and really didn't like doing it. So together we came up with the idea that he would go back to my husband and tell him that I was all over him. My husband came home and just lit into me about how I was such a slut and couldn't keep my hands off of other guys and that I had probably been sleeping around on him our entire marriage. I told him that he was a bigger fool that I had thought and just walked out. I went back the next day and packed up my things and have moved out.

I never once cheated on him and never wanted to, yet I was the slut.

I have also been cheated on. It is still fresh, but he wants to try and work it out and move on. My question is how do you have sex with someone after they have betrayed you? We live long distance so I haven't seen him since I found out. We are meeting in 2 weeks and I really don't know if I can bring myself to touch him. He is dirty and not mine, even thought we have been together for 3 years. Any insights?

It sounds like he made an honest mistake. But really, a long distance relationship is bound to have these problems from time to time. You should really try to find a way to live closer and see each other more often, otherwise, well its going to happen sooner or later.

I disagree with Crimson...Men DON'T make "honest" mistakes, neither do women for that matter, when it comes to cheating on their other halves. They know EXACTLY what they are doing when they are doing it. I've never been cheated on by someone who was "mine" but I have cheated, so maybe some insight from someone who has cheated can help you in your decision. You should sit down and think about if you want the relationship to continue. If you decide that you do, take things slow. Don't jump right back to where you were at in your relationship. Make him prove to you that you can trust him. When you meet with him again, listen to what he has to say and why he did it. There's always a reason. Most of the time it's for the thrill of someone different and trying not to get caught or the thrill of someone different and then feeling guilty and telling the one that was cheated on. Does he feel what you feel, or does he SAY that he does. Two different things as I have learned. Most importantly though, take your time in making your decision. It's a tough one and an important one.

Hope I have been able to help in some way.