Forgiveness

Do you forgive and forget? or Do you hold a grudge forever? How long does it take if you forgive?

For me it depends on the situation. There's times where in time I can forgive and others where there is no way in hell that I will ever forgive.

I can hold a pretty good grudge, although I hide it well and forgive the person, I will hold a deep grudge that won't come out 'till I've been drinking...

4 years and counting that I havent talked to a particular person, which was a real good friend.

I know how you feel firebird. It has been 15 years and counting for family members. Friends are a different story for me I suppose. There are not many good ones, but the ones worth having are worth trying to forgive and get back on track.

This is not an easy column for me, as I am one of the most forgiving people on this earth I believe. I never want to be an enemy, I always want to be someone's friend, and get through things. Although here lately, I have not been able to forgive this one person that I thought was a friend. Well I learned differently, and that person will probable never get my forgiveness!!

But then there are other people that deserve to be forgaven and I would be the first to give them that chance.

Here's an example of how I hold a grudge, let me know if it would be the same for you:
In highschool, almost eight years ago, there was this guy named Tim who's friend I was dating. She really treated me like shit, and then broke up with me. So when I was told this I was naturally upset and told a lady-friend of mine who then called her a bitch. That was her descision. When Tim heared this he tried to "jump" me with about fifteen other guys. Luckily unsuccessfuly. But I have never forgot this grudge, and I will still to this day knock his ass out if I saw him.
The point of it is he tried to cause me very severe harm for doing jack shit, and would have gone through with it if he hadn't been stopped.?????????

Well, im sorta forgiving person, i think you should forgive the guy that tried to jump you. Woulldnt you do the same if he caled one of your friends a bitch? So i say forgive him, but dont forget that you have a score to settle !!!
And yes it was about the same for me, (different reason though) and yes, i got beaten up. I didnt hold a grudge against him, as in i didnt say he was weak and pathetic that he needed all his friends to take me down, if i had to take down a big guy i probably would have done the same thing.

Just the next time i saw him alone, i pounded him to even up the score.

Then again, i dunno if that would be called holding a grudge or not?

yeah, I'd say that was holding a grudge, he he he. My point though is that if he thought he had a score to settle, then he should've been man enough to settle it himself. Dumb ass coward-of-a-man he was.

I cheated on my boyfriend after about 3 years of a relationship. We were having serious issues and I was unhappy with my life in general. I kept all my feelings inside. I moved for him and about a month after I moved he had to move to another city and I did not want to quit my job and leave again so I stayed. I met a guy and ended up cheating on him. I began to date this guy behind his back and he finally broke into my email account and found out. He tried to get back together with me but I still wanted to continue to date this guy. Well he moved back and now I want to work on things with him, he says he is done. I stay with him every night (he is the one who calls me all the time and invites me over). This girl likes him and now he says that he should be able to date because I was able to and if I date anyone else then we are for sure never working it out. I don't understand. Why does he want to be around me all the time but also want to see what else it out there? Is there still a chance? I am confused on how he feels about me. How can I help him to forgive me and so we can move on together?

"then he should've been man enough to settle it himself. Dumb ass coward-of-a-man he was."
But if he was weaker, then its only normal to get help, for example if sum1 huge dissed your Girlfriend, and you knew you couldnt do much to him, youd get some help also wouldnt you?

Or if the guy tried to attack you by himslef and you easily kicked his arse, youd think, man, he was so weak, what a dumbarse, weak man.

You shoulda gotten your friends and pounded himback =)

I used to hold a grudge 'forever' but it is best to let it go if your still agrivated just forget it forgivness is not necesary. If you mull it over to much it will just eat away at you and you give the offending party another point each time. I say just make a mental note and you never know payback will present itself and once that is satisfied forgivness may follow.

I tend to not have a problem actually forgiving someone. Forgeting is a total problem. I remember everything. Every conversation, every event, what people were wearing at that time, the EXACT words that were said, etc. etc.

Forgiving is easy for me. I grew up with a mentally ill Mother who daily tried to kill herself and blame it on the fact that I was born. As a child, at as early of an age as I could possibly remember, I just KNEW that she wasn't "all there," if ya know what i'm saying. That was my actual excuse for not letting her get to me.

What the hell are you talking about you say???? Well.....I kinda...hmmmmm (just using examples here) You stole from me because you are a crazy drug addict. Your homeless because someone did you wrong and you couldn't take it. You can't stay with someone very long because you've been dumped so many times. You keyed my car because you are a hater. You spread rumors because you have such low self esteem and it makes you feel better about yourself. You stole my idea because your too stupid to think up one yourself. Etc. etc. I guess you could call it that I make excuses for people..... but I have yet to run into someone who is just downright evil and is out to get EVERYONE for no reason. The key, for me.... is to find the reason. THEN, and only then can I forgive because of whatever weakness they have.

I do NOT forget though. And if you screw with me once....i'll have my eye on you. You screw with me again and...... hmmmm this is a public board. I shall keep my mouth zipped. Lets just say revenge is sweet.

BTW she called me the Devil from the day I was born.

I guess it kinda grew on me. Hehehe.

I also forgave her. I told her I forgave her. I wrote her a four page letter when I was 19 as a matter of fact, in which she took wrong and looked at it as if I am such a good person due to her upbringing. (or in this case DOWNBRINGING ) I diddn't say a thing. I spoke my peace, and now I fly back and forth between states to once a month clean her house for her, and take care of her. Pretty soon i'll have to move her ass in.



Someone save me.

I have a hard time holding grudges.. I don't like to but I do hold them... Like it was said before... it really depends on the situation.... I tend to forgive people if they are actually sorry for what they've done... but if someone is not in the least bit remorseful... I have a hard time forgiving them... ya know?

Well, they may not be remorsefull if they believed they done the right action according to them at the time and with the available knowledge to them.

EDIT:
Yes, well they may afterwards say they were wrong but shouldnt be remorseful.