computer-illiterate parents

it's a quiet evening at the rollergirl household... lovebirds are tweeting contentedly after a bath under the kitchen sink faucet. kazaa calmly performs illegal activities while unsuspecting police cars whine past in the street below. a dinner -- of over-easy eggs and white toast -- cools in front of a skewed keyboard, on a plate ringed with blue checks and sunflowers. its' recipient (and creator) randomly alternates between chewing and clicking.

*ring ring*

ikea chair wheels roll across red hardwood floors, modestly propelled by slippery sock feet.

"hello?

"oh, hey mom. how are you?"

"i'm good. yeah - work is good. nick? oh, he's fine and yes, we're still together."

"your what did what?"

"wait... something is wrong with your computer?"

"hmm... i can't really tell from here, but maybe if you sit in front of the computer, i can talk you through it."

... and thus begins a 30-minute phone call from the depths of family tech support hell...

"first hit control, alt, delete."

"nono. the buttons on your keyboard."

"yeah. a little box should pop up."

"it's not working? control, alt, delete?"

fingers begin to twiddle restlessly with the headset cord on the phone.

"first press the control button, then the alt button, then the delete button. delete is over on the side by the numbers."

"you have to press them all at the same time. not just in that order."

"yeah. hold down the control key, then the alt key at the same time and then use your other hand to press the delete key..."

"right. now click on task manager. with the mouse cursor."

"check under the applications tab and see if there is something called internet explorer running."

"there is? okay, cool. click on it, so that it's highlighted - yeah that means there will be a box of color behind it - then click end task ."

"did all the windows close?"

"what do you see now?"

"ah, okay. that's the desktop - your background image, right?"

"oh, it's a picture of champ? (family dog) awwww."

"tell jack (step-dad) that there's plenty of free porn on the internet that doesn't freeze the computer and cause a million and one pop-up windows to open."

"he thought he was installing a game? haha - yah right. what game?"

"check in the start menu to see if it installed something called that."

"the start menu is in the start button. left-hand corner of the taskbar."

"the taskbar is the grey band at the bottom of your screen - you see the word start ? click on it and a menu should open."

"just click once with the left mouse button. don't move the mouse around too much and don't double-click."

"riiiight. you got it. now is there something named 'nascar' in the list of words?"

"hmm... no. 'kelly's sluts' definitely shouldn't be there."

"how about if i fix that and reformat your computer next time i come to saskatchewan?"

"okay, just don't click on it or the same thing will happen again."

"good night. i love you too. tell jack and jameson i say 'hi'."

*click*

i guess every generation of kids will be able to teach their parents something about technology.

LOL!

That is good. I definatly know what you mean.

With my own experience it took us 1 month to teach my mom how to turn on the computer. Yet, my dad makes us our comps for fun. So we only have to deal with one parent being illiterate.

i admit to being a computer illiterate idiot

I know enough.

That's a good story, my mom taught me everything I know about computers, and now I have to teach her things she dosen't know.lol. But my Dad, he's a different ball game, can't even turn one on unless the button clearly says "POWER". lol