Young love - Page 2

Is it coz I have massive testees?

ABSOLUTELY SUGAR ON HIS PEAS! SAF! yeah...

What was the subject again?
Oh yeah, Shabba is a dude you scrotum-sucking rental boy!

And I have a page to myself!

Yes thats what I'm talkin bout bruv sugar in his peas saf my home boy init

anyway enough of that lingo for now and Gaz is the one and only lord of teabagging so if you want a sack in your mouth call him up

Right getting back on topic. The question can you be in love at age x is only meaningful when you define what you mean by love. I think adults and teenagers often mean different things when they say 'love'. I know it's a generalisation and not a universal truth but I think a teenagers love tends to be the sort when you focus on a person so intently because you realise they are a beautiful person. Not just physically necessarily, there can be such a thing as an emotional or character aesthetic. This creates a strong desire for intimacy, prolonged contact and interaction with the beauty they embody. A strong sense of devotion is born. Adults quite often call this mainstream of intense feeling infatuation. It's not something they put much store in because the people we fall in love with when we're young are often not actual people, they are fictional characters we attach to flesh and blood and when we find the reality does not match our impressions we fall out of love and often out of sorts with our self.

I once had this feeling my self. For 4 years i pinned for a girl who was in reality very different for the girl in my head as I staired dreamily in to space through car windows. Yet you will never convince me that isn't what love is really supposed to feel like. And when you do fall in love with some one for who they actually are it must be incredible. However I think adults have a different more cynical understanding of love. They talk of give and take and needs fulfilled in the relationship. They talk of being realistic and unspoken contracts in relationships. Maybe there are some positive aspects of it but frankly give me wild infatuation any day. That's why some deny you can be in love at a young age. Because they can't agree what love is. As for which definition I'd pick I think you can guess.

Theres some interesting points you made about love Code.

I can see allot of what you're saying, but I don't really agree with your final analysis.

Ive experienced the infatuation kind of love and the other "deeper" love. I think that when you are young and your hormones are new and out of control, and youre not used to certain feelings and sensations, everything can be more intense. Which leads to feeling things that are not actually what they are. (as you have alluded to.)

Like you too, I have been infatuated (or in love) with someone for a long time. For over ten years, I pined for a girl and never stopped thinking about her for one single day. But I eventually came to the realization that because I didn't know her very well, I had created an ideal and dressed it in her body.

I too wonder what it would have been like to actually be with one of these dream people who we never quite make it with. Based on what i have experienced with partners, and based on my passions and desires, and based on how certain females have made me feel- I believe if i could just be with someone who encompasses all of those things in one vessel... then I will have found my soulmate.

It is because of this belief (which i came to at quite a young age) I have mostly avoided relationships, since i knew there has to be someone more compatible for me out there than simplistic infatuations, or relationships based purely on lust which eventually dies down.

Its meant that Ive been alone most of my life. But i have told myself that its worth the wait. I don't feel I could be with anyone who isn't what Im looking for- that alchemy of infatuation, physical attraction, spiritual connection, mental compatibility and general chemical synchronicity.

So to have spent most of my life alone and in search of the right person- I cannot help but feel there are some people who talk about how in love they are- are just acting on basic hormonal urges and a very superficial human need for attachment which will fade very quickly.

There were times when I couldn't walk and lay in bed and thought i would die, all because I wanted to be with a girl so bad. Ive never had more intense passion than what I have had towards the females Ive had feelings for. And yet I didn't say I was in love with any of them. Not until I was about 32 and finally found someone who was more than just physical attraction to me.

Ive only ever told that one person I loved them. And I feel too many people say the L word too often and for effect. I guess because I treat it as a sacred sacrosanct word that may possibly never be used in a lifetime, not unless you're absolute 100 percent positive right down to your very soul you are in love- when I hear it so often (particularly from young an inexperienced people) I cant help but feel cynical towards their feelings.

There is the phrase "true love." If people didnt get confused between love and infatuation (or puppy love) then there would be no phase "true love."

And while you can say you have intense feelings for someone you just met, and they make your world feel so great when youre with them, and you are so sad when they are not with you, and you cannot stop thinking about them.. you cannot truly know its true love or something else. Not until you've know infatuation in all its forms, and true love in all its forms.

If they are able to feel that way about somone for a decade, or are able to last for over 5 years with the same person ,then yes they can say they are in love and i will not be cynical toward them.

pt. 2.

Like you said Code, there is allot of stuff that adults talk about that needs to be implemented into a relationship. But do you believe these things are just a waste of time? Or that adults have created them purely for the sake of it? Things like understanding, respect, honesty, compatibility, give an take, consideration, selflessness et al. are all important things the human entity requires to sustain a healthy long term relationship.

Yes you can jump from one bed to another, and if you keep jumping fast enough you will always have that warm fuzzy feeling of infatuation inside your heart, so you may never feel cold or unhappy. This is what celebrities do. They like the feeling of infatuation and getting to know a person and the whole "this is the one" feeling that happens during the courtship time. (The time people are on their best behavior and showing only the face they want you to see.)

And when it gets to the long term stuff and they find out who the other person really is, and find they need to change and adapt if they want to inhabit the same living space as them... its easier to just ditch them and find another person who is new and "on their best behavior."

I think infatuation is like how some people are with kittens. They love a newborn kitten, but when it grows into a cat, they lose that initial interest and the cat gets abandoned. Usually for a much cuter, newer, kitten.

Its this kind of disposable relationship mentality that most teenagers seem to have that makes adults cynical to young love.

I don't know one single person who met someone when they were in their teens and who is with that person today. And yet they all used to swear black and blue that person was the one because they were just "so in love" with them.

Adults were teenagers once too. They too felt young love and were going to die for the person they were with. Then with time and going through this thing more than once they came to the conclusions they have now.

Think of it as teenagers having only seen one film out of two similar films. Then deciding the film they saw was better than the one they haven't seen. Until you've sat down and seen both you cannot understand why adults come to the conclusions they have.

Having said all this, I'm in no way saying just because you are young you cannot be in love. I'm just saying that you cannot say what is "real" love or "infatuation" or what is better or worse, unless you've experienced these feelings many times and are able to differentiate all the above.

And that too many people are in love with the "idea" of love, not the actual person they are with. And that they will use the word at the first feelings of desire for someone.

Love should be a word used only with one or two people in your entire life. But it should be used often with those people. If you could only say I love you 1000 times in your lifetime, rather than say it 1000 times to 1000 women, Id rather say it 1000 times to one woman.

Think if you will of geo-politics. Or if you prefer economics. You don't need to trust your military allies provided your interests stay alined. As long as you have the little piece of paper, the contract or treaty, and as long as you're sure they dare not disregard it for fear of the consequences, trust is irrelevant. Nor do you have to find those who share your ideologies or whom you respect in order to deal with them. All the very fine qualities you describe are quite unnecessary for the cynical binding together of 2 states or 2 business so why do you assume it is the norm for the binding together of 2 adults?

I wonder how many adults really begin their relationships feeling 'I'm in love with them' I think very often it's more 'I'm in love with the way they make me feel' 'I'm in love with the way they treat me' 'I'm in love with the sight of their naked body or their moves in bed' 'I'm in love with the food they put on my table' 'I'm in love with having a warm body by me on a cold night and a distracting voice in a lonely silence'. No for some forms of what adults call love it is not even necessary to know the other party in this 'relationship' as a human being. To love some thing or some one for itself you must truly know and care for that thing in its own right. Of course this is the extreme but contrasted with the young, if they have illusions at least they felt those illusions were necessary to call it love. For many adults if the other half meets a set of expectations and avoids a set of red lines the relationship works. Much like a contract really. Yet teenagers, even the teenagers who are genuinely know and love each other often transgress each others boundaries and cause each other much pain. Yet these transgressions seem more easily forgiven than in adult 'love'.

Also bare in mind lots of teenagers are not so selective as you and I. I recall conversations with other teenagers about love, I recall trying to explain to one girl that I didn't want to be involved with girls I didn't love. Her response was 'but what about fun'. She explained to me that for her getting involved with boys was often not about love, not for her, she wouldn't call it love, it was about having fun. In short a lot of what passes for teen relationships would be called friends with benefits or one night stands if adults were not so squeamish about the idea of teenage sexuality. It's really no different with adults, there are plenty doing exactly the same, they're just more at liberty to call a spade a spade. You will find a certain class of teen very reluctant to call their involvement's love. Do not confuse the girl with serial boy friend syndrome for some one who is falling head over heals in infatuation again and again, more probably they are a sexual or emotional thrill seeker.

Remember the man who is deeply in love with a woman who doesn't exist, the phantom painted on a human being who rarely fits the image, this person is still in love, it simply so happens the person he's truly in love with is not the flesh and blood one he thinks he's in love with but the women waiting in the ether in potential who's image he's projected on to another. It is his perception not his love that is disingenuous.

Well am 16 and I have a girlfriend and I think am inlove with her, I know that she's inlove with me, so ye I think that there is such a thing as young love. Am a living example.

Sure you can be in love at 16. But, at 16, it's pretty near the first time -- and not having any other experiences about love to give it some perspective, it's quite common to give love all sorts of attributes and properties and characteristics that will later prove to be a bit unrealistic. Evolutionarily speaking, by the time the reality sets in and takes the glow off of love, you've already reproduced -- and evolution will have done its job, even if it had to trick you in order to do it.

Such is life. Most or all of us have been through it. And we still love falling in love anyway.

It doesn't really matter how other people define love, if you are really in love then you'll know it. I know that sounds cheesy but it's true.

Yeah. That's what i used to think.