Having Kids

Why is having kids such an accepted and expected part of getting married and getting older? It is not for everyone, take me for example. I do not want kids, I actually hate kids. I do not want to have them, I do not want to teach them I just plain do not want them.....ever.

Why you may ask.......maybe because I am cheap, I do not like spending money.

Maybe I do not like having no free time.

Maybe I do not want to sacrifice 20 years of my life for someone else.

Maybe there are a few things I want to do in my life or a few "possessions" I want to have someday.

Call me selfish call me whatever you want I know what I want outta life. We don't live long enough to do something we do not want to.

There are too many parents out there that have not thought about being parents and were stupid enough to go and have them. I however have thought about it very deeply. Thus I have a right to not want kids for whatever reasons.

I have heard parents say "it all changes when the kid looks at you with those big eyes". Screw the big eyes, what about when they throw tantrums in a mall or shit in there pants. Whatever reason there could be to have kids there are just as many reasons why not to have kids.

Somewhere I read that some parents say being a parent is the best thing in the world when deep down they wish to god they never had them. However they will never say that for the fear of being ridiculed by society. Boy that person hit that right on the head.

People ask me so when are there gonna be little Joshies running around the house? And I say never, they say never?? Oh I have a friend that never had kids either.

Like I am being singled out here. Never knew that knowing what you want makes you stand out from the crowd...oh wait is that a bad thing...........

Probably a mix of culture and genetics makes people expect that.

I don't think its anyone's buisness that someone decides to not have kids. Just do whatever you want.

I agree, so what if you don't want any kids. It's no one's buisness but yours and your wife's. The only question is...How does your wife feel about having kids? Does she want them or is she like you and doesn't want any? You don't have to answer those. My point is that if she wants kids that's where a problem could arise. Tell anyone else who is putting their input in bout whether or not you should have kids to go to hell!

Em

I think your smart.

I have two boys who I have full custody of. It is the HARDEST job in the world.

I NEVER even THOUGHT about what it would be raising a child for 18 years. I selfishly thought, we are married, I love you, you love me, this commitment is forever, we are in this together, lets create a child. Blah, blah, blah. A product of our love. Little did I know 6 years later I would solely be providing for him mentally/financially forever and ever. (Going on 5 years alone now)

My second child was created OUT of wedlock. This was not a bad thing. I adored the father more than life. By me NOT being married, I was shunned by EVERYONE. I heard every comment under the sun. No baby shower, not one person rubbing my tummy, I was treated like a piece of shit because I was NOT married to the father. Even after my little one was born, I even heard the comment, "What was your other kid named?" (a year after his birth from my SISTER)

The difference between the two is this.....
I was married with the first, therefore this child was "accepted." I was a kid at the time. Shit.... I knew my husband 8 weeks before I married him, and NEVER even had sex with him until after we got married. I was INSTANTALLY pregnant. But it was accepted because I was married.

The second one was OUT OF WEDLOCK.... yet I was mature enough to know what it was to be a parent, and take full responsibility (happily) that I was going to have another child. (Shit.... FINALLY after 7 years my Son would have a sibling)

People suck ass. I have seen sooooo many people get married and their relationships SUCK. When the kids come into the picture I cringe just thinking SHIT..... this is NOT going to bond them together, this is going to break them up.

Sure enough it does every time.

I totally respect even the SINGLE parent....who is smart enough to at a LATER time in their life, (late 30's-40's) to have made their decision that they are mature enough to bring a child into this world.

Marriage isn't a ticket to have a child. Marriage is an agreement between two people that forever they will be partners in this shit world. If they together, (as partners) decide they want to create a child, this is their decision. Not anyone elses.

People suck.

I suck too because I have a HELL of a time sticking to the subject of discussion.

I feel for you........

Peace and love,
Evilia

the only thing youre doing by having a child is forcing someone into having to go through life when maybe they would be better off not ever having been born. in fact, for a lot of(maybe even most) people, the many negatives outweight the few positives in life, and not having been born is sort of neutral on both parts because there is none of each, so when you do the math you find that not having been born would be better. basically the only reason people have kids in the first place is to fit in with society and to have company when they get older. is that worth the possibility of giving birth to someone who is going to be miserable and hate life? in short, having children is like playing god. who gave anyone the right to screw with a persons life so much as to bring them into the world?

maybe this is a bleak outlook on things, but i mean just look at all the miserable people in the world, and compare that to the amount of people who are truly happy.

i think having a child is more selfish then not having a child Firebird, dont beat yourself up lol. people really dont think about kids enough before having them, its very unfortunate.

I can totally see the benifits from not having a kid. You go through life as a teenager waiting to be unbound from the laws of school and parents...
Then those laws are imprinted on you when you have kids.

Ii myself want to have kids though. Really, I want a son. Just because I want to teach him and see how good of a father I can be.
Wish me luck, lol.

quote:

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I don't think its anyone's buisness that someone decides to not have kids. Just do whatever you want.

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HELL YEAH!

The good of NOT having kids. You end up with more money in the end, but wait, what good does it do, if all you have is money. (This happened to my uncle. He never married and never had children) He did however, die with 12 million in the bank.
Would he have done it over, Yes, he would have.

The good about having kids. Raise them to be respectful, loving, and honest, and you have someone who loves you forever. As long as both you and your child exist on earth, you have unconditional love.

Growing old with children who have grandchildren, fills a void many elderly regret not having more of.

When I was in the postition when I worked predominantly with the elderly, I heard their regrets. The biggest regret is not having more children. They had money in the bank, but the one or two children they had had moved away and only had one or two grandchildren.

Not suggesting anyone must listen to me, but perhaps taking the time to pay attention to our elder community would be heading off regrets before we have them ourselves.

No one stays young forever. And having children look in on you, take you places, and make sure no one harms you, can be quite important eventually. Peace.

yes, having children has its advantages. i guess the question you want to ask yourself is "do i want to be bogged down when i'm young or lonely when i'm old?" some people may not get lonely. i know of people who don't need human contact and love as much as others, but if you arent one of these people, chances are if you don't have kids you'll probably have a pretty big void when youre older. the thing i dont like about people who have kids is that they hardly ever do a decent job raising them. just look at how many messed up people there are in the world because of how crappy their childhood was. maybe having kids is selfish, doing so just to not feel lonely when you get older, and then your kids do so for the same reason. it does seem pretty selfish to bring someone into the world unless you are absolutely certain that you can raise the kid so they are not unhappy their whole lives, just so that you can be happy when youre older. i dont know what the answer is.

I think you're wise to think thorough, why you don't want kids. There are so many parents out there that decided to have a family and really shouldn't have. Realizing you don't want kids (for many reasons) is very unselfish.

As for me, I can't imagine life with out my children. There is no stronger love I have, than that of my children. Almost every decision I make is some part due to my daughters. Would I like a summer cottage on a lake? Sure, but I need to save for their college education. It's not a sacrifice, but more like an achievement.

When you stop and think, I could be considered selfish for having kids. They really make ME feel wonderful.

What about the natural way of life? The most basic reason for wanting kids is because it's programmed into our bodies. The main purpose of life is continuation of your species - for all creatures.

Just because society is horrible does not mean that you aren't the biggest influence on the life you create. Sure, if you don't want a kid and you end up bringing one into this world, that child will feel neglected and be unhappy. Most likely just like you were, because you experience a negative aspect of society and you weren't accepted by your parents like you should have been.

But just because you don't want children (which is a perfectly viable defiance of every basic instinct of nature - but in our screwed up society perfectly fine) does not mean you should insult all those people who do want children by calling them selfish or cruel. If you can't do the job, fine, but there are people who can.

And while I'm happy to see that there are people with such negative thoughts about children dead-set against having them, I am also happy that not everyone is like you or else our society would be a truly desperate place to live.

[On a side note, "you" pertains to no one in particular, but towards the general opinion of raising children as wrong.]

seriously should we really care if you want kids or don't. don't have kids good for you, have kids splendid, does it matter? the memory of you will fade either way, if you have kids it lasts slightly longer, but after everything, after years and years nobody will remember you or me or rAKka, nobody will remember this. the point is it really doesn't matter.

Is it right to bring a child into this world?
This should be the question here, not you complaining about not wanting kids and the social accpetance which tails behind spreading your seed.

"What about the natural way of life?"
The natural way of life is to do what you feel like doing rather then forcing yourself to do something.

We do have a problem with population. Most every woman I've ever known has wanted to have a child. I'm convinced that it is a natural thing built into them. I don't however believe that every guy wants to have a child, but instead, is roped into it.